To think this teacher is spiteful

[sergeantmajor]

My dd is in Y3 and very well behaved, pretty angelic really. She has the same teacher that my rather cheeky older ds had had previously. He was miserable in her class as she took against him and singled him out for punishments (lots of other parents told me their kids were upset about how unfair this was for him).
I was worried about dd having this problematic teacher but I made it a clean slate in my mind and she's had a great start to the year. Until now.
DD is starting to get strict punishments for next to nothing. Knowing my dd, the slightest reprimand will send her into submissive tears, so the punishments are hardly necessary. Then she told me that the teacher said even though she had praised her at the parents evening, she now thought that she was wrong about her.
That's just plain spiteful, isn't it?
I wish I had spoken up to the headteacher when my ds suffered with this teacher, but I always had a slight doubt that ds was capable of being a bit of a handful. With my dd, I know that she is a quiet gentle soul and I am furious that this teacher is making her miserable for no reason.
AIBU?

The OP doesn't need to give examples if she wishes not to. A group of DC and their parents have already judged and decided the op is NBU. The other parents wouldn't have told her if they thought their DC were being U.

lots of other parents told me their kids were upset about how unfair this was for him

So? She's asking MN

It's impossible to answer.

OP here - sorry to go offline, back to answer your questions. Thanks to all for responding.

For my slightly cheeky older DS, she would tear up his schoolwork for not being good enough (he actually does pretty well academically but perhaps that's beside the point). I thought it significant that so many of his classmates were concerned enough to tell their parents.

For younger ds, she says she had her hand up waiting for help with her maths but was making a buzzing noise while waiting. Obviously that warrants admonishment but she lost her playtime and had to stay in and also lost some of the special privileges they have on Friday (playing with toys etc) but as the incident was early in the week this hung over her for days, prolonging the misery. When Friday came round she was wretched and dreading it.

I know that's not up there with caning but it seems disproportionate for someone who I've always been told is a model pupil in all other instances.

It's not so much the punishment that bothers me, as I do understand that teachers need to be consistent with the class and keep things ordered. It's the nastiness of telling my dd that the nice things said to me at the last parents evening were wrong.

I probably can't go to the head to say "what a meanie" but it's ringing alarm bells after my past experiences, especially as I always kicked myself for not speaking up in the past.

You describe your son as "slightly cheeky", what exactly does this mean?!

Only I have known people describe their child as cheeky or spirited, which actually meant they were incredibly naughty. I'm not saying your son is either of these things, just wondering if perhaps you aren't bring as objective as you could be about your DCs behaviour. We are do it, no one likes to think badly of their kids.

Tbh your dd sounds annoying. Why is she making a buzzing noise? The punishment is reasonable and the teacher has applied her sanctions consistently. I hate it when kids cry, it doesn't mean that I will punish them less. Your dd needs to toughen up a bit.

the primary school my youngest goes to has golden time on Fridays and pupils who misbehave during the week lose it. Could it be similar?

Perhaps your previous experience with this teacher is colouring your views? Your daughter misbehaved and was punished. That's all that has actually happened.

Keep an eye on the situation and maybe have a word. Also be aware that your views and the views of your son may also impact on the way your daughter interacts with the teacher and how she perceives she is being treated

The punishment sounds fine to me, nothing spiteful about it.
Your child was being rude and distracting the rest of the class from learning. You should speak to her about her behaviour and hopefully she will have learnt her lesson.

So she misbehaved and was punished. Not spiteful at all. You are massively over-reacting, as was fairly obvious when you began your post with a description of her as 'angelic'. Because that was likely

I think you could catch the teacher after school and ask her to explain what happened. I'd probably say the punishment being so drawn out seemed excessive to you but maybe you haven't understood the full story. Perhaps she can explain.

To me, yes it sounds excessive. At our school being a little cheeky once, would not result in missed playtime. Being repeatedly cheeky and not stopping when you were told on the other hand, would.

I personally wouldn't go to the head with this. I think if you call the teacher up, she'll think twice next time. If you make a formal complaint, she may harbour resentment.

You mention more than one strict punishment. And don't say how they have been applied.

A buzzing noise - to me this is a child saying 'hurry up and get to me I'm waiting' by making a commotion. The teacher may have said several times 'I'm dealing with someone else just now, please wait quietly ' (or not - we don't know as none of us were there.

In which case the punishment seems fine - it was rude and inconsiderate to other children who may have been trying to concentrate with buzzing going on. Yes she had to wait a few days - but she knew what the punishment was - missing her privileges - so it wasn't as if she was waiting for an unspecified punishment.

So that's one way of looking at it - it might be wrong, it's so hard to know with only one version of events (your DD's) If your DD was absent mindedly making a buzzing noise and the teacher suddenly rounded on her and barked out a punishment with no warning, then it does seem a little harsh.

But pick your battles and monitor the situation, if you go in and say 'my DD was making an annoying noise and she got punished, I'm not happy about it' if something more serious comes up you will be ignored.

Yes speak to the teacher missing playtime AND golden time OTT.

Also the comment about 'getting the open evening praise wrong' is uncalled for. Ask her which bit she got wrong?

oddbins school doesn't begin with a w" does it? My dds school has golden time* on a Friday too..

Thanks to all for the comments, it's helped firm up my own view.

I am definitely biased against this teacher due to my ds's earlier experience but I do think she has a nasty streak which goes beyond mere discipline.

Tearing up schoolwork? Telling my dd that her previous good impression of her was wrong? That's got nothing to do with classroom discipline.

Yes, teachers are humans and we all have off days. But central to their job is how they relate to kids. No one needs to be nasty.

I'm not going to raise this with the school. It's been very helpful to hear the range of views on this, as I may well take it further if we get more of this crap.

Trust your instincts on this one. I'd make an appointment with the Head, go in along the lines of my daughter is suddenly very unhappy in school after being contented, what can I do to help her? If the teacher is spiteful, and yes, they do exist, the Head will already know, you won't be the first to go in. If you're mistaken about the situation you are still looking to support your daughter and it isn't unrealistic to ask for a school's help with this. Good luck, seeing your child unhappy is just miserable.

I teach secondary, so it might not be relevant, but I think it depends on the actual words the teacher used. For example "I was totally wrong in my previous good impression of you, it seems you are very naughty" is obviously wrong and would be counter-productive. However, "I know I said wonderful things about you at parents evening, but if this poor behaviour continues I will have to contact home to discuss it. Lets get back to being hard-working so I can give you a glowing report next time too" is fine IMO.

Tearing up school work is of course ridiculous, but that happened with DS so you do need to let it go.

Children making buzzing noises with their hand up sounds incredibly annoying and rude. I often get "miss, miss, miss" while I'm talking to another student and it is met with a reprimand (usually - that is so rude of you to interrupt me and X; unless it is life-or-death stop it now). If it continued after being told to stop I would issue a sanction. Which this teacher seems to have done. It is the keen students who tend to do this, but it is rude and disruptive to the learning of other students so can't just be ignored.

I honestly don't know what you are going to raise with the school. Your DD misbehaved and the teacher punished her. Regardless of what has gone before with respect to your son, all they are going to say is, "Yes...and?" Bottom line is, your DD will get on better at school and with her teacher if she refrains from making silly noises in class.

Trust your instincts as you didn't last time and wish you had. It isn't just that she was punished, but that she was punished more than once for the same alleged misbehaviour and also was told by the teacher that the nice things said on parents evening were wrong. I would try asking the teacher what she meant by that and then going from there depending on the teachers answer x

If I said to a child, "I told your parents on Parents' Evening that you were a model pupil. Today's behaviour is making me wonder if I was wrong about that" and it was reported to the Head as 'nastiness' I think I would just roll my eyes and say, "Yes, I do wonder if I was wrong."

Really, really not nasty.

She made a silly and distracting noise. The teacher issues a consequence. That's not crap.
Tearing work up sounds horrid. I think that's coloured your view.