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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Unfair inheritance?

57 replies

Timeforausernamechange · 14/11/2016 19:32

DH and I are writing our wills. It's pretty straightforward as we've not got many assets, however we are stuck about how to fairly divide our estate between our nieces and nephews should both of us and our own DCs be wiped out due to some sudden calamity.

DH has 6 nephews and nieces on his side and I have 2 on mine. This number is not going to increase. DH maintains it is only fair that we spilt the estate equally between all 8. But something in me says it would be fairer to split it 50/50 between his side and mine, then divide that equally between them?

Part of me is swayed by the fact that the 6 on his side are likely to be well provided for by rich grandparents, which is less the case for my sisters children?

What is the fairest way of dividing it up?

OP posts:
Piscivorus · 14/11/2016 20:17

We had similar, 1 on 1 side and 7 on the other.
It was easy for us though as we are much closer to the 1 and his parents than to the other 7 nd theirs so have split it 50:50 between the 2 sides. DN will get the full amount for one side while the other side will split 7 ways between other nieces and nephews

Hopefully will never happen but better safe than sorry

Kewcumber · 14/11/2016 20:18

Leave it to your siblings equally and let them sort it out - you won;t care by then

caroldecker · 14/11/2016 20:18

AFAIK, if no specific terms are in the will, then in the case of you both dying together it is considered the eldest dies first.

TimTamTerrier · 14/11/2016 20:21

If everyone dies at the same time (e.g. in a plane crash or something) then isn't the youngest person legally considered the last one to die? So that would be your youngest child, who I assume doesn't have a will.

I'm probably wrong, perhaps it's just the youngest one of a married couple who is considered to have died last. Or perhaps I've got hold of the wrong end of the stick altogether.

Statelychangers · 14/11/2016 20:22

We have decided to leave a generous sum to dh's sisters - they are not well off and they can spend it on their dcs if they choose. My siblings are all very well off and don't need any extra cash and they aren't getting any.

GasLightShining · 14/11/2016 20:26

TimTam Think you are right that there is a certain presumption of who died first etc when you are all die together but I am unsure of how it works.

Perhaps the likes of MumbleChum will be able to confirm.

Our wills have been drafted on the basis that at the worst only me and DH die. DC are adults now and rarely are we in the car together.

SanityAssassin · 14/11/2016 20:28

If me, DH and our kids (sole beneficeries so far) all get wiped out in a freak accident our estate gets equally divided by family meaning my sibling gets 50% and my DHs 2 get 25 % each. If they don't like it I guess they can dig us up and argue about it.

Allthebestnamesareused · 14/11/2016 20:32

I am another 50/50 split.

thatdearoctopus · 14/11/2016 20:36

How about doing both? Split your estate in half, one half for your siblings and the other half to be split equally between all the nephews and nieces.

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 14/11/2016 20:48

Intestacy rules go like this (I think):

Did the person who's died have a spouse who has survived them? No
Children who have survived them? No
Parents who have survived them? No
Siblings who have survived them? No
Issue (ie children) of siblings who have survived them? Yes

All goes to the nieces and nephews. And by this, they mean your own siblings' issue, not your spouse's. So under the intestacy rules if you died after your husband and children and you inherited everything, it would all pass to your family and nothing at all to his. Another good reason to make a will.

TheClacksAreDown · 14/11/2016 20:54

We thought about that and decided to split per child not per side of the family.

NapQueen · 14/11/2016 20:58

You have 8 nieces and nephews. Whose side they're on is irrelevant imo.

GU24Mum · 14/11/2016 21:03

Personally I'd leave mine to who I wanted to and asume the OH will do the same but I know people have very different ideas about this.

You'll each make your own wills so can leave your assets however you want - and can change your mind too. Are you going to get your will written by someone (I not an off the shelf at WHSmith one?) - there are various things you can decide such as whether one of you has to survive the other by 28 days to inherit - if not, the younger one will be deemed to inherit and the assets will be divided according to that will. If you own property together, it depends how you own it as to whether your will will deal with the property or it will be passed to the other automatically. Sorry, I've made this a very boring post but hope there may be something useful in it!

CotswoldStrife · 14/11/2016 21:06

As a PP has said, if you both died at the same time the eldest would be considered to have died first. Which one of you is the youngest, because surely that would be the will that would be used? Have you actually spoken to a legal adviser about this because you could be disagreeing over something that would not actually be possible - as someone else said, you could put different things in your wills! You need to make sure you've got the appropriate clauses in (or not, if you don't want the standard elder-goes-first provision).

thatdearoctopus · 14/11/2016 21:08

What happens at Christmas/birthdays? Do you spend more on your own nephews/nieces because there are fewer of them?
Of course not

JustWoman · 14/11/2016 21:21

Yes, we are. I'm not saying it's not a possibility! I'm just saying that it's so unlikely (even if we were in a car crash there might well be some survivors) that I personally wouldn't bother including it in my will. So in that eventuality I understand that our money would go to our next of kin.

My distant relative died leaving 75% to a close family friend and 25% to his only estranged daughter, at the time of his death his estranged daughter had died so that 25 percent then passed to four his siblings, one of which would have been my grandad, but as he'd also died, his share was passed to his DC, my Dad and his siblings, my dad would have gotten 3k but as he'd also died it was passed to my brother, myself and my sister. My stepmum was furious because she thought she should have gotten it as she was dads next of kin, but apparently it passes to bloodlines when there's no will.

CPtart · 14/11/2016 21:24

We're in the process of making wills. We have five immediate family members on DH side and two on mine. They will all be left equal shares as individuals in their own right regardless of whose 'side' they are on. This is an acknowledgement of how we feel for them as people, nothing to do with their family name. It doesn't matter if one of them was a pauper and one a millionaire, for the sake of fairness and equity they will all be left the same.
And this is regardless of any 'expected' inheritance any of them may get from elsewhere. That is totally irrelevant.

Babasaclover · 14/11/2016 21:34

Watching as currently about to write ours with similar incantations

AuntJane · 14/11/2016 21:50

Legally, if you and your husband due at exactly the same time, the law states the the older pre-deceases the younger. So, if your husband is older than you, his estate will be settled first, including anything you inherit from him. After that, your estate will be settled. However, if you are both in a car accident and you are dead when the ambulance arrives and your husband dies half an hour later your estate will be settled first, including any bequest to your husband.

Basically, it's virtually impossible for you to determine how much each niece and nephew would inherit because the actual time of death us critical.

lunchboxtroubles · 14/11/2016 21:52

We've done as you suggest - half our estate split between my 6 nieces/nephews and the other half split between DH's 4 nieces and nephews. Not a straight 10-way split

kath6144 · 14/11/2016 21:59

We originally had our wills written to give equal amounts to my niece and DHs niece and nephew. We re-wrote our wills almost 2 yrs ago, due to kids approaching age when they could be executors, and added in 3 other beneficiaries, DHs godson and my cousin's girls, who I am actually closer to and see more of than my niece.

My bachelor cousin died 2 yrs ago, leaving his estate to cousins children. There was only 1 on his mums side, she got 20%, then 8 on his dads (our) side got 10% each (with 1 left out for some unknown reason). But basically his dad side got more of the money, even though it is thought the large estate he had was due to his mum inheriting from her sister.

My DB, with only 1DC compared to my 2, complained bitterly that it should have gone to cousins, then he and I would have got equal. However, all cousins are already reasonably well off (apart from DB who never worked) so leaving it to next generation was the right thing and has already changed lives.

Blu · 14/11/2016 21:59

I thought there were clauses about 'if someone does not survive the other by more than a certain length of time ' , usually days, and longer than it takes for an ambulance to arrive?

I would be thinking in terms of leaving it to your siblings rather than neices and nephews. Surely your siblings are your nearest family? And I would do 50%, your half, divided between your siblings, and the other 50% , his half, to his.

kath6144 · 14/11/2016 22:01

AuntJane - if you have mirror wills like DH and I do, timing is irrelevant, as our wills state exactly the same thing in the event of us dying within 30days of each other (and DCs)

kath6144 · 14/11/2016 22:10

Blu - thats fine if you get on with siblings, but my only DB has been a nasty bully to me (& mum when alive) and said some unforgiveable things about not only me but my family and DHs. We are virtually nc now my mum is no longer around. He has never worked and is basically jealous of those who do.

Hell would freeze over before I let my DB get his hands on any of mine or my DHs hard earned money. Hence leaving to nieces, nephew and others.

Lollollollol · 17/11/2016 22:02

50/50. It's what we have done with our families. I thought that is the normal way to do it.