To expect DH to clear up after DS's nosebleed?

[WonderWine]

I was away on Sat night - staying with an old school friend. I don't go away often and this was a bit of a girly treat I'd bought her for her birthday.

On Saturday evening DS (17) apparently had a heavy nosebleed at home and when it didn't stop after 30 mins DH took him down to A&E where they ended up checking him over/ blood tests etc and cauterising a vein in his nose, as he has been prone to nosebleeds recently. They were back home by about 10pm he said.
DH didn't call me on Saturday night about it - said he didn't see any point since it was all sorted etc. He did call on Sunday morning to 'let me know about it before I got back' which I thought was fine.

When I got back home at 5 pm on Sunday however there was evidence of the nosebleed left everywhere:

• blood on pillowcase (DS had been lying on bed when it started)
• blood smears on bathroom floor where it had been blotted with loo roll, but not mopped afterwards
• blood-stained top left by the sink in the utility room

When I asked why nobody had cleared it up, DH just very pointedly said "well I took him to A&E"

WTF? AIBU in expecting DH/DS to clean up, rather than waiting for me to get back?"

Well they've both just let you know exactly what they see as being your job! Yes I'd be furious with them both.

I think Mike was being ironic.

The only unreasonable bit was that you cleared it up!

They are men and do not notice these things.

Funny that. All the men I know who live alone manage to clean their toilets, wipe up any blood they spill, wash their own clothes and everything! It seems to be only when they live with women that they become happy to leave the place a stinking put, safe in the knowledge that someone else will clean it for them.

*pit

I'm not trying to defend them, but I can see how it would have happened:

• the blood had been blotted off the floor, so it wasn't as if there was 'blood everywhere', but definite signs that there had been and therefore needed mopping with cleaner/bleach etc
• can imagine the top was put in the utility room to deal with later then 'forgotton' (I will definitely talk to DS about that)
• pillowcase - yes - (apparently it was dry, so he just turned it over )

I don't think teenage boys are as bothered by dried blood on pillowcases. Mine strips his own bed regularly, but often has a couple of days blood stains on his pillow case (nosebleeds in sleep).

Agreed talk to DS, not DH.

DH is giving a clear message to DS that wives are to do all the housework and men leave it for them to do.
Pick a moment when you are very calm (and not likely to explode) and tell them this is not how your household is going to work from now on.

Cock I never said it was OP's fault alone...which is why I said I think you should not only be disappointed in DH but also yourself.

I once came back from an 18 hour shift to a bath full of cold water, vomited on duvet/cover/sheets/pillows because DH said he thought I would clean it up better than him 🤑
You try lugging that lot down two flights of stairs.

I really think that some men have zero common sense or are too bloody lazy!

DS responsibility to clean it up - if he really didn't care about the blood on his pillow case up to him if he wants to be minging but should still have done the rest of it.

If DS didn't then DH or anyone else left at home should have done it at the time.

What if DS had a bad stomach instead of nosebleed, would they have been happy to leave vomit/shit all over the house?

You have basically proved their point (i.e mess is for mum to clean up whether she is here or not, and whether she made it or not) by cleaning it up though.

Can't believe DH expected kudos for taking his bleeding son to hospital!

Been cleaning up my own (horribly heavy) nosebleeds since I was..well, younger than 10. Definitely your DS's job and you should call him on it.

I think at the age of 17 your DS can clean up his own bodily secretions....
being 'full of cold' is no excuse.

I'd have said it was up to DH as DS had endured hospital and might well have not felt that great on getting home. But by Sunday afternoon DS should have had the sense to clean up. Maybe they might not have known to soak it / stick it in the wash (I am assuming that pillowcase had been removed and taken downstairs & left with top for washing) but the floor is easy enough to clean. Lazy sods.

I would say it's the 17 year olds fault. A cold isn't a reason not to bung some sheets in the washing machine and wipe the floor quickly! It would take all of ten minutes, if that.

It's the DH fault. Ffs, leaving it for you to come home. My DH wouldn't do that.

pink well more fool you for cleaning it up.

OK - so 'words were had' last night!
Both DH & DS were in the kitchen so I basically told them I wasn't impressed that they'd left mess and laundry for 24 hours to greet me when I came back.
DH asked 'who I was talking to' and I replied 'both of you!' Then he started getting defensive again about how he'd been to A&E etc. But I just shut him down and said if I was sick overnight on the floor, would it be OK if I just cleaned some of it up, but left the rest to someone else?
I said I don't expect anyone to clean up my bodily fluids, so why should anyone expect me to clean up theirs. Put my best headmistress voice on and said 'I didn't expect it to happen again'
Then I took DS into laundry room and briefed him on best way to deal with blood stained clothing.
Think maybe DH thought about it later and realised how crap it was, because I was out last night, but when I came back he'd done the ironing!

I know I need to be more assertive about these things. Thanks for spurring me on MN!

I would be unhappy with dh. 17 yesr old would be mopping the floor on the weekend as apparently you are behind on teaching him essential skills and feel bad you have left him so unequipped. (maybe not Saturday , but Sunday he could have got his shit together)