To have been angry with dh

[Hedgehog80]

Usually we do the school run together but one dc unwell today so i stayed at home.

Over the years I've had many many problems with DM and traumatic situations and I'm very damaged by it all and extremely fragile at this time of year due to an anniversary of a bereavement.
Anyway, dh calls me to say he was taking dcs to school and saw DM at the bus stop so as it was cold he offered her a lift .......
I'm so angry and had a go at him, burst into tears and now I feel like rubbish. It made me feel like nothing that he helped the person who has caused me so much pain in the past

I probably am being U and childish but it hurt

I think if you are low rather than no contact it was reasonable of him to do it. Try and keep it (this lift) in proportion - it's a minor favour - you might do the same for a virtual stranger. Not a big or personal thing - like flowers on her birthday or taking her out for lunch.

You're right i think it was justbafter how bad yesterday was (for no actual reason other than I woke up on a state due to the time of year) that the lift today just hit a raw nerve

Oh Hedgehog, I don't think yabu at all. I think your DH is probably a nice man who prides himself on being such, but also that he should realise how this would make you feel. He knows how badly your mother has hurt you and it wouldn't have taken much thought to decide that your feelings should matter more than his view of himself.

I don't think Momof was suggesting OP had been sexually abused, just offering a different perspective. Abuse is abuse

Thats awful, what a horribly traumatic experience that must have been

Tbh, i'd feel betrayed too (rightly or wrongly) and i would absolutely let him know how i felt about the situation. So to me, yanbu.

Imo its not controlling to expect somebody who is suppossed to love and understand you, to ask them not to occasionally help out your abuser. Its about being in eachothers corner and being as supportive as possible.

It does sound like your dh is generally a good support to you and loves you very much so dont be too hard on him, he sounds like one of the good ones

Do you ever see a councillor togeather?

Yes we've been a couple of times together but it's hard due to his work commitments/dcs

I wanted more than anything for him to hear from someone else that how I feel is normal and how he deals with it is right but also for him to know I have somewhere I am talk about these problems as I think he's starting to feel like it's overwhelming and all consuming. I feel guilty that I lean on him so much

I am glad you are seeking help, OP. To be honest, if it distresses you to this extent for your OH to offer your mum a lift, would it not be better for you to have a proper break from contact with her? It doesn't sound like it is doing you any good at all.

Faez is correct. It wasn't sexual abuse in the Op's case. I was just trying to give an example of abuse that everyone understands and so why it was so upsetting for the Op.

This isn't a case of the Op is cross with her mum for forgetting her birthday / losing her favourite gloves.