Domestic Violence in my home

[splendidglenda]

Things have got physical between my eldest ds17 and my husband recently. My dcs 4 & 10 have witnessed both incidents.

I am worried about the effects that this will be having on them. My gut feeling is to tell their teachers tomorrow to keep an eye on them. I'm ashamed to say that I'm worried about doing this because of the fear of the teachers calling child services. Would they be obliged to do this? Are they likely to?
We have had previous involvement with them for the same issue but case now closed. I really don't want involvement with them again.

act

No not sexually. A wife submitting to husband is biblical

A wife submitting to husband is biblical

The bible also says that a man must obey the law. It is illegal for a husband to force a wife into sex. In biblical terms it's a sin.

I don't mean sexually.

Your husband sounds revolting, why the hell would you want to stay married to someone who treats you and your DC like dirt?

You might see major improvements in your son without your abusive OH around...

Thank you all for your messages. Appreciate them

Your husband is the problem. If even the pastor tell him to stand down, i assume from the church where he supposedly got his warped ideas of a couple, then you know he is not right in the head. The biblical submission is a pretext.
He is the danger, your son is a victim.

You and your youngest are also victims. Seek help and do not accept this man.

Like you have been told many times before, your husband is the problem

Damn right SS should be involved. Seems like you would rather stay with this violent and controlling man that makes your son's life a misery than to take steps to protect all of your children from him

Do the right thing. Call SS yourself before someone else does.

to answer your OP, the law has changed and a child being a witness to domestic abuse is now classified under "safeguarding". So if your younger children have been witnesses and they disclose this or you disclose it to the school, they have to act on it under their safeguarding procedures. Look it up if you're not sure - it should be on their webpage.

OP as others have said on this thread, your DH needs to go.

You need to protect ALL your children.

Your husband is the problem here and as a result your son is becoming one too. Hopefully your son's temper will improve without your husband around, at least he'll be able to work on it with you.

Your husband won't improve or change though even if your ds left. In fact it's very likely your other children would suffer the same as your ds and clash with him when older.

So it really comes down to who you will protect, husband or children? It doesn't sound like your husband will change, your kids have the chance too though but only of you do first.

You live with a aggressive bully. You can hardly be surprised when your child grows up to behave in the same way. He's been taught by your husband that real men dominate their families and behave in a selfish way. Sadly, this has probably been backed up by your compliance and acceptance of your husbands behaviour towards you and your children.

Religion is an excuse. I'm a Christian but certainly don't believe I should submit to men or that a man can behave without respect or kindness. That's being vile and abusive, and putting his own need for power above any of the good values he should be aspiring to. He's not being a 'real man' or a good husband and father in the eyes of God.

Sadly abusive men are often drawn to religious fundamentalism because their nasty little urges can be validated. Yuck.

Read 'Boundaries' (although I feel I may have recommended this on your previous threads). It explains the biblical context of being a husband rather than an abusive bully and explains how, as someone who is religious, you are entitled to establish boundaries to keep you and your DCs safe.
You have to stop viewing SS as the bogey men threatening your DCs- it's your DH who is doing that.

You need to protect your DCs. I am afraid that means DH out of the picture and DS1 too.
Your should ideally not be in contact with younger DCs. DS1 also need support. Look into young minds or CAHMS if you are in the UK.
Try Womansaid for support and guidance for yourself.