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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Aibu to think this is actually quite sad?

50 replies

Swapahatchimal · 13/11/2016 10:09

I read a post on a local parents forum about YouTube and children accessing inappropriate content on it, cartoons swearing, having sex etc. Most of the replies were along the lines of "you can't stop them" "they'll have to know what the real world is like soon enough". Lots of six, seven year old children "obsessed" with YouTube, spending all their free time on it, and one child apparently said "YouTube is my life". Also small children being allowed to watch GTA videos etc, which are full of violence. A few posters suggested simply taking the tablets off the children if they continued to be able to see the videos, but were totally dismissed.

On the same forum, people are starting to talk about the "stash" they've bought for the children's Christmas presents. Lots of them saying that their primary aged children are no longer playing with toys as they are only interested in video games /tablets

Aibu to think it's a bit sad that a lot of children seem to be obsessed with screens/tablets to this extent? I know I'll probably get accused of being smug, but I have been guilty of using screens as a babysitter when I'm knackered.

OP posts:
MakeItStopNeville · 13/11/2016 15:33

I genuinely believe YouTube is no place for a primary school aged child. Even the kids version. It's not just the videos that can easily be mistakenly accessed, its the hate filled comments that bother me.

I never thought I'd be THAT parent! Grin

Swapahatchimal · 13/11/2016 15:38

They are all saying that their kids love videos called "bad baby" and "pregnant elsa". I just had a search, and my god, they are so weird. Millions of views though.

OP posts:
museumum · 13/11/2016 15:39

The kids app doesn't have any comments Confused

museumum · 13/11/2016 15:41

Looks like this

Aibu to think this is actually quite sad?
EweAreHere · 13/11/2016 15:51

YANBU, OP.

As someone who works in a primary school, it's sad and nuts what young children are allowed access to on a regular basis.

I will never believe that behavior isn't tied to inappropriate viewing and gaming habits (stuff meant for adults; used by children) based on what I've seen and heard.

Rainydayspending · 13/11/2016 15:57

YANBU there's plenty of studies to demonstrate that excessive screen time has a negative impact on physical, educational, psychological development. We're still social apes who need certain physical practice at motor skills and a variety of stimuli to make the most of our brains - despite all the tech playing with toys/ sticks / others gives children that practice. Yes in the modern world children need the skills for IT, but they're ridiculously accessible, practice needed is a low level demand.

thatdearoctopus · 13/11/2016 15:57

All I can say is that I'm glad tablets and phones weren't around to the same extent when my two were very young. I see what a temptation it must be to let one's kids loose on them, if only for some peace and quiet, but seriously, what happened to family time? Board games? Walks? Sport?

I think it's sad. And worrying.

BackforGood · 13/11/2016 16:00

YANBU at all OP.
Yes, there's a lot of technology available, but you are talking about a really young age group here. Of course the parents should be stepping up to do a lot more parenting.
Not only is there 'nothing wrong with' screens, they are a fantastic asset in education, in knowledge and in fun. However no child should spend their life in front of one screen or another.

MissVictoria · 13/11/2016 16:30

It really does worry me that this generation and those in future could have developmental or behavioural issues because of the sheer amount of time spent on such devices.

All of my friends kids (8 and under, most under 5) are glued to tablets from the minute they get home from school til the time they go to bed. It's not uncommon to read comments from them how they get blanked as the kids are so engrossed in them. Staring at a screen, and that close up, surely cannot be good for vision. I got prescribed glasses for computer use because of eye strain caused by the lit screen, are we setting kids up for bad eye sight?
With the majority of these devices hooked up to the internet, kids have access to so much stuff that's massively age inappropriate and yet none of the parents i know utilise parental controls on them. Even then, half the stuff on youtube gets past the age restrictions, so youtube should be banned altogether unless the parent has pre watched anything the child is allowed to watch.
Games consoles have massively taken over too, when i was a kid there were handhelds like game boys, and you played for an hour and that was it, because they ran on battery and you couldn't just sit and play for hours. The playstation didn't come out til i was about 8. They were more relatively expensive than todays consoles, and it was a "treat" to be allowed to play for an hour every other night. Then of course gaming went online too, and along came the mad rush of who could be the best, who got there fastest, etc, which bred he sitting on it for hours and hours straight culture. Of course the games that get all the hype are games like call of duty and GTA, that are rated 18, but kids as young as 10 are playing them. Being multiplayer you're thrown into random lobbies of other players too, and they can say absolutely anything to you, swearing, abuse, threats etc.

I grew up with no Sky/Virgin TV etc, just channels 1-5, no internet til i was 15, only had a cheap pay as you go text and calls only phone from 12 for emergencies, didn't have a smart phone til i was 18 and payed for my own contract. I played outside or round my friends house evenings and weekends, playing board games, ball games, and imagination based games like playing house. Games consoles were played on occasion, not routinely, and i'm genuinely sad at how times have changed to what it is now, all technology based.

Parents should take control of what they give their kids access to. A tablet for entertainment purposes for a child aged under 10 is ridiculous, as is a smartphone under the age of 13/14. By all means have a child friendly tablet (cheap version) for educational apps and games, but limit the usage to an hour or two max a night. If you buy a console you buy age appropriate games, you don't give a 12 year old GTA and call of duty. If they have pocket money and get someone to buy them an age inappropriate game, TAKE IT OFF THEM. Cheap top up phones can be bought for just calls and texts which is all a child needs for emergencies. Keep the family computer/laptop in the main family room so you can monitor what they do on it and limit their usage to an hour or two a night. Spend time playing good old fashioned board games, reading, socialising together.

marmitesarnies · 20/11/2016 22:30

Agree with everything you say MissVictoria. Many parents are trying hard to do as you suggest but cannot control what goes on in other children's houses/bedrooms etc. I haven't found it hard to "hold the line" by limiting access to screens for 8, 10 year olds but for 12 year old it has been hard, and he has a smart phone. The key issue is that all his friends have unlimited (it appears) access to screens/internet/horrible 18 computer games.

We are the first generation of parents who have had to deal with this - am confident that new norms will emerge and it will settle down...

madamginger · 20/11/2016 22:38

I've noticed my 3dc have become very reliant on tablets for entertainment and my youngest, who's 6, behaviour has been awful lately so I've completely removed all gadgets and they can't have them back for the foreseeable future. They've played together this weekend for the first time in ages.
I always said my dc would have limited screen time blah blah but I'm busy, I work FT and I'm a pt student. It's easy to fall into a routine of screens after school etc.

crispandcheesesanwichplease · 20/11/2016 23:54

I posted on this thread earlier about a relative saying she'd got rid of all the toy storage for her grandkids because they don't need toys anymore because they've all got ipads.

A few days ago I was talking with another relative about what to get her kids for christmas (the kids there are 11 and 8 and constantly on screens). She said that it's become very difficult to tell people what they might want for christmas because they don't play with toys anymore.

8 and 11 and they don't play with toys anymore ........ ?!

MommaGee · 21/11/2016 00:13

Yanbu. I don't get parents saying "oh she sits and watches you tube / kinder egg unwrapping / blah blah blah for HOURS!". Just take the damn thing off them. It can't be good for their imagination to be glued to a screen watching such repetitive crap!

Yes DS has been allowed to watch an iPad and YouTube - small potatoes and similar shows when he's in hospital and in pain and can't sleep and it's after 7 so no telly. We use our mobiles for similar. No he won't be allowed free reign to watch crap for hours at a time. It can be used to learn reading, phonetics etc as they get older and yes they need down time and lazy time like the rest of us but we're at risk of raising kids who can only communicate through technology

FixItUpChappie · 21/11/2016 00:27

IMO parents are addicted to screen time and don't curb it because they would have to have boundaries on their own usage.

A prime example being people who claim they play adult video games with their kids as some kind of great "family" activity. AKA they want to play so shoehorn it into their world view of parenting. In the next breath they will say their child is not bothered by that kind of thing as if it's a badge of honour that their young child is not observably impacted by graphic imagery Hmm

I know otherwise seemingly reasonable people who let their kids watch all manner of adult programming, and let them dawdle about on IPADS instead of with toys.....its fucking shocking frankly.

MyPeriodFeatures · 21/11/2016 00:29

Yadnbu

I think making sure our children are getting a quality play experiences is, after feeding, clothing and housing them is the single most essential thing a parent can do in raising healthy young humans.

If you are not conscious of that as a parent you are missing something I'm afraid. Our culture doesn't nurture that and that's massively sad and scary. that you fear this view is a such a minority view you'll get called smug for having it is sad.

You are not being judgemental you are being conscious in a culture that is sacturated with 'stuff'.

Italiangreyhound · 21/11/2016 00:33

Swapahatchimal totally agree. It is a real shame. My son is 6, he watches too much telly and too much computer time because he makes such a fuss when I try and limit it! Your post has made me realise I must do more because it is such a shame, my son does find it hard to play imaginative play.

However, he loves board games, and we need to play along with him and his sister so it makes a great family time for us.

Italiangreyhound · 21/11/2016 00:35

FixItUpChappie "IMO parents are addicted to screen time and don't curb it because they would have to have boundaries on their own usage." So true I know I am!

MommaGee · 21/11/2016 00:36

Italian could you get him and sis to make up their own board game for you all to play? Good imagination practise but in a way that'll feel safe

MartyrStewart · 21/11/2016 00:40

This is one of the reasons I adore our family camping holidays. No electric hook up, no phones, and no screens. Just lots of fresh air and time spent as a family.

MyPeriodFeatures · 21/11/2016 00:41

Imaginative play can be a total pain. I find I have to be willing to enter her world and stuff ends up all over the house, the most bizzare things have meanings, buttons, feathers, even leaves that have been torn off a house plant (not allowed anymore!).

We don't have masses of toys, we do painting and play dough, sticking gluing, walks in the woods and baking.

She still has too much screen time though, over 2 hours a day easily, that's I pad games and TV.

I think balance is where it's at. I wouldn't cope without back to back episodes of Peppa pig some days or games of Charlie and Lola paint.

Italiangreyhound · 21/11/2016 01:20

MommaGee "Italian could you get him and sis to make up their own board game for you all to play? Good imagination practise but in a way that'll feel safe" Brilliant idea.

Italiangreyhound · 21/11/2016 01:21

MartyrStewart "This is one of the reasons I adore our family camping holidays. No electric hook up, no phones, and no screens. Just lots of fresh air and time spent as a family." We have a family policy of no tablets etc on holidays anyway. It works and kids accept it.

MommaGee · 21/11/2016 01:30

Thanks Italian! You never know, he could invent the next Monopoly!!

MidniteScribbler · 21/11/2016 02:17

I think it's like anything in life and it's all about balance.

Let's face it, as adults, there are times in life when we just want to zone out. If there is anyone on here that claims they never have anytime when they just online and surf the net, or sit down and watch tv, or sit on the patio and listen to music, or however else they relax, then they are lying. No one needs to be on the go all waking hours of the day. We need chilling out time. Children should have time for exploring variety - playing games, playing with others, playing by themselves, drawing/colouring, homework, bike riding, swimming, time on the computer, whatever, but it's all about balance.

My DS loves the ipad and kids youtube. He spent yesterday morning playing with his train set, building a village all over his room. He then went outside and drove his car around the yard, then he threw the balls with the dogs for a while. He then came inside and draw a few pictures at his desk. In the afternoon, he watched the ipad for a little while. We then went out and got in the pool. When we came inside, he sat on my laptop and did Reading Eggs while I cooked dinner. After dinner, he watched a bit of Nick Jr before going to bed, where we read two stories. All a balance across the day.

Just because a child spends time online, doesn't mean that is the only thing they do.

KoalaDownUnder · 21/11/2016 02:20

YADNBU!!

It is completely shit, and a bit scary.

I hate what's happening to modern urban childhood, and I don't care if that's 'judgy'.

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