Wedding gift (am I being tight?)

[Cosette123]

I am off to a friend's wedding tomorrow. A friend who I class as a good friend but we rarely see one another nowadays as live too far and she's in the city/I'm a full time working mum In the country. It's 70miles away, I'm having to drive there and back in the day (husband is currently working away with work and 1 year old DC not invited). We don't live near any family so I will be paying childminder £9/hr to look after DD. I haven't told friend but will probably leave after the first dance to get back to DD (& reduce childcare cost), So thinking will be home by 22:30. I've had to buy a new dress for the wedding (£75) as didn't have any wedding attire suitable for this season +existing clothes don't fit as well as used to. I went on the hen, overnight so which cost circa £250 in total (husband was home then). My friend is no longer in touch with what used to be our group of friends and her friendship group are girls I knew when we were at uni but not people I stayed in tough with. means tomorrow will be quite Maunting without DH and I will be a solo attendee.... In conclusion how much cash do I need to give for the present? (It's cash, no wedding list etc). I know I should give what can afford etc but I'm actually sadly really dreading tomorrow and feel like everything has already cost me a fortune. £30/£40/£50??? Just don't want to appear tight but then it's just me attending etc.

I'd give £30-£40.

Don't feel guilty about leaving early. Explain your DD is with a baby sitter and you're resticted.

I bet your friend will be delighted that you made the effort.

No I'm definitely going!
Thanks for all the kind posts.
It's ok, card done, cash in and ready for the morning x I will enjoy it really, just been a long week xx

I would give between £30 and £40, depending on how much I can afford.

No one forced you to spend £75 on an outfit, you can dress very nicely for a wedding for much less.
It sounds mean to give depending on the amount of "fun" you expect to have at the wedding, Very odd.
As you don't know how much your meal will cost, I never understand how people calculate what they think they "owe" for the present.

Ok, I'm lost, in the op you say "it's cash no wedding list", then uou later say " No time to buy a present btw (left it all a bit last minute and working full time with a 1 yr old @nursery leaves little time to actually do anything! grin "

That's a bit contradictory, you don't need to buy a gift if they said cash only, so your time is irrelevant ? I simply assumed they hadn't issued a wedding list and hadn't specified.

That's plenty OP. And of course you tot it up. If it's a really expensive wedding to attend then spanking another £100 on a gift, resentfully, makes no sense at all. I don't think I've ever spent more than about £60 on a gift. And given that most weddings have cost me between £300 and £1000 to attend, I doubt I will. The 2 Local weddings where I've been able to get there on the Tube, get home in a cab and sleep in my own bed will always be dear to my heart!

Some people don't like weddings - I'm one of them. Dreaded brothers wedding & was counting the days until it was over. Cost over £1.5k to attend as not in UK. Flew in that morning & would have left early & flown home that night but there were no flights after 8 pm so left on first flight the following morning. I think weddings are a waste of time, effort and money :) needless to say I didn't have one

We give about £30 which is our standard gift budget for family and close friends.

I would have been mortified if my guests felt they had to pay the cost of their attendance. It's my wedding and I'm host it's my cost.

I was a military wife, (dh is retired now). It sucks having to go to things by yourself all the time. You don't really know anyone that's going to be there and I think you were really brave to accept the invitation in the first place.

Id say £25 is fine for a wedding gift from one person attending.

I hope you enjoy the wedding and the rest of your dhs deployment passes quickly for you

I don't give cash; I think it's vulgar (apart from between parents & children.)

I would give a bottle of champagne/fizz/wine (from home?) in a nice bag with a heartfelt message in a card, or something like a nice candle from the gift cupboard.

But I think you're amazing for going in the first place, without your husband and a group of friends there too, and having to pay for childcare. Well done! I hope you have a really wonderful time.

I never give cash, even when specifically asked for. I will probably get shouted at for this but I can't get over how hideously rude I feel it is to ask for money. I buy a nice gift instead. I'm sure I'll get told how I undoubtedly buy things they don't want/need, cash is practical, people live together in this day and age etc but it still doesn't seem right to me and I think if you know a couple well enough to go to their wedding you should know them well enough to choose something thoughtful they will enjoy.

Hope you have a nicer time than you're expecting.

No idea why people think £50 is 'reasonable'

What is reasonable is what you can afford and are happy to give! It is a gift!

Just take a bottle of champagne (say £25) wrapped up all nice with lots of tissue paper and a bow.

u didnt have to spend any of that though did you

didnt have to go to hen an then pay 75 on a dress

i think 40 is fair though i only gave more to my dsis

Don't go - if it's a big wedding she wont even notice you (sorry) - make an excuse and wear that dress elsewhere.#

One of the best gifts we received were a pair of mugs with our initials on. I was really touched with the thought and it made me smile every time we had a cuppa.

was not were... gahh

sanityassassin if OP didn't go the bride would sure as hell notice and justifiably be very upset.

OP, hope you have a lovely time. Whatever you've given, the bride will appreciate that you went on the hen and drove a long way to attend solo to be there for her.

I gave my brother £20 because it was all I could afford and, like you, I had spent a fortune before the wedding day. Now I tend to give the same to everyone as I wouldn't want to give more than I gave him! I actually gave a close friend just a tenner, she had decided to have her wedding over 100 miles from our home town and again I had spent a fortune on attending, so I was pretty skint.

£50 was around the top end for the wedding gifts we got (we asked for vouchers).

Most guests gave us between £20 - £40.

The important thing to us was that they came along to celebrate our day with us, not the value of the gift.

Anyone who would be disappointed to receive less than £50, doesn't deserve anything.

Anything is fine. £15, £20, £25 whatever you can comfortably afford. You have already spent a lot to be there.

I think £30 is fine. You will probably have a great time once you are there. Enjoy.

I think £25-£30 is absolutely fine.

Most/all weddings I have attended have asked for cash and I always feel unsure how much to give. We have normally travelled hundreds of miles, paid for two nights accomodation and may have been on a hen/stag weekend costing £300. Maybe it's not the etiquette to take these into account but it's hard not too so I normally give £40 for both of us (Less for evening only). Gave 100 for only SIL. Relieved to see 40 isn't regarded terribly by most people.

To the poster who criticised the OP for not looking forward to it - although I love weddings I think this is quite comon especially in the run up if you have a lot on. People aren't going to tell the bride that and will likely have a good time on the day or at least act like it. Much worse to cancel now.