AIBU to be furious about this joke?

[geradine]

I go to a sort of self defence class every Friday night. It's high contact, very hands on, and I'm sometimes the only woman there (like tonight).

So right before class, we are chatting about tattoos. I made a joke about having a tattoo (it was relevant and appropriate), and this following conversation happens:

Him: I thought you were more a W W sort of girl.

Me: W W? What does that even mean?

Him: You know, W on one ass cheek, W on the other ass cheek, then bend over, WOW!


I was really pissed off because it felt really intrusive and derogatory to women in general and me in particular. It put the image in my head of me being bent over naked and I hate to think that that's what the rest of the (male) class thought too. The class is usually very 'safe' because we do train some techniques that involve close contact with each other (think, how to break out of a rape scenario with someone right on top of you etc). I've never heard any sexualised or inappropriate jokes there before, and him saying that gave me the rage.

Am I being over sensitive or should I message my instructor to tell him that it bothered me?

[VenusRising]

I agree Rebel. This guy is one to watch.
I'd be especially vigilant as he's learning how to disarm someone.... what a creep. I wonder.

Can you get him kicked out OP? Or give him a jolly good going over in class? Really kick his balls in? I'm afraid I'd be thinking up how to put him in his place.

[BoneyBackJefferson]

What was your joke?

[WyfOfBathe]

I wouldn't really care about the joke. I don't think it's funny, but I don't think it's sexist either (like other PP, I've heard it about men before). I think your comeback was good as well.

Making light of a recent rape case on the other hand - that's definitely something to get furious about.

[SolidGoldBrass]

If it was just that he made this joke in response to your joke that you only had tattoos that couldn't be seen, I would be thinking you were a bit precious. However, it sounds like this particular man had already been making you uncomfortable and in this case talking about your arse was probably intended to make you uncomfortable. So it wouldn't be too unreasonable to say to the class leader that this man is bothering you a bit and you will not work in partnership with him.

[YeOldMa]

I love your comeback, OP. If it were a one off thing, I wouldn't complain but there are a list of things so I'd probably have a quiet word with the instructor and explain how uncomfortable his attentions are making you feel.

[Loaferloveforyou]

My uncle Bob used to make a similar joke.

[VaginaJones]

The joke is a crap one that I have heard with both men & women, but the rape comments sound horrible and unnecessary

[Bogeyface]

What bothers me more is that a class about how a woman can escape from a potential rape situation is mainly populated by men.

[KickAssAngel]

OP - I think it would be fine to email the instructor and request that you don't get paired with him. He's done a few things that mean you probably don't want to end up too close to him, and I would feel 'ew' about getting close to a guy who makes stupid rape comments.

The WOW thing itself may not be sexist, but said by a man to a woman, along with his other comments, it definitely is. It implies he's thinking about your arse, and your arsehole. Combined with him having asked you over to his place that's pretty yuck. Thinking he can get away with it to you, as some kind of 'banter' is sexist.

He sounds like he's testing out boundaries, seeing if you'll 'give' a little, and also if the other men are willing to accept his comments. fwiw, the men should be stepping in to stop rape myth culture, or at the very least backing you up on it.

[GarlicMist]

He sounds like a misogynist arse, with or without buttock tattoos. The fact that he seems to have tried hitting on you and you pulled him up on a rape joke makes it worse - there's an element of putting you in your place (as an unruly sex object) which wouldn't be there if he'd said it to one of the men.

I hope you threw him right off the mat, or whatever you do in your fights :)

[GarlicMist]

Hadn't seen your post, KickAss. YY to boundaries and the other men.

[TheNaze73]

LTB

[lizzieoak]

Honestly, that's just gross. People's bar for what they'll tolerate is getting way too low. It made you uncomfortable because he was being gross & intrusive. Tell the instructor. Ick.

[mathanxiety]

I don't think you are one bit 'over sensitive.'

Who runs the class?
I would report the 'joke'.

The joker is creating a hostile environment.
YY to this from KickAss:
He sounds like he's testing out boundaries, seeing if you'll 'give' a little, and also if the other men are willing to accept his comments. fwiw, the men should be stepping in to stop rape myth culture, or at the very least backing you up on it.

He is 100% not flirting.

He is asserting his ownership of the turf. He is trying to dominate you and the men and change the culture of the group.

[MiscellaneousAssortment]

Not a nice person at all. Weird vibe and even weirder behavior when taken as a whole. I'd ask the leader to ensure you don't partner with him again. I'd question his motives when doing close contact moves.

[SolidGoldBrass]

It's quite a good example of where to draw a line, in some ways. In itself, the 'ww' joke is old and lame but not actually gender-specific - and it could have been someone just being a bit clumsy, in the course of a lighthearted conversation about tattoos. But when the person who said it is not only already making OP uncomfortable with unwanted invitations but also going on to make rape jokes, well, that's a man who likes to make other people uncomfortable. And if OP does speak to the class leader, make sure to point out that it's not just one crap joke but an accumulation of things...