AIBU to be furious about this joke?

[geradine]

I go to a sort of self defence class every Friday night. It's high contact, very hands on, and I'm sometimes the only woman there (like tonight).

So right before class, we are chatting about tattoos. I made a joke about having a tattoo (it was relevant and appropriate), and this following conversation happens:

Him: I thought you were more a W W sort of girl.

Me: W W? What does that even mean?

Him: You know, W on one ass cheek, W on the other ass cheek, then bend over, WOW!


I was really pissed off because it felt really intrusive and derogatory to women in general and me in particular. It put the image in my head of me being bent over naked and I hate to think that that's what the rest of the (male) class thought too. The class is usually very 'safe' because we do train some techniques that involve close contact with each other (think, how to break out of a rape scenario with someone right on top of you etc). I've never heard any sexualised or inappropriate jokes there before, and him saying that gave me the rage.

Am I being over sensitive or should I message my instructor to tell him that it bothered me?

[SpunkyMummy]

He said 'oh did I embarrass you?' and laughed in a mocking way, and I just said 'I'm not embarrassed because I'm used to hearing shit like that all day at work'. Wish I'd said more.

So, first of all I think your comeback was great. 👍

His... 'oh, did I embarrass you?' is imo inappropriate. Because... well, if I realised I offended somebdoy with a joke I'd apologise.

[Bluntness100]

He was probably embarrassed you didn't laugh, it's just an old silly joke. I really don't see it as sexualised, more like school boy humour about bum holes.

I honestly think uour response was over the top, alright, uou don't like rude jokes, but please don't read more into it, it seems a relatively innocuous follow on from the conversation you were having and i know some daft guys who'd crack jokes like that. He misjudged your humour, I'd really let it go.

[geradine]

Itshouldhavebeen - that was just an example of some v close contact where you have to trust each other. It's Krav Maga if you must know, look on you tube if you haven't heard of it.

I think he was trying to flirt but being inept to be honest. He's asked me over to his house before class before (he knows I'm married, I declined). I got even angrier because later in class he said something highly insensitive about a rape case in the news in my area at the moment.

[SpunkyMummy]

I don't think your response was over the top at all!

Good on you!

Reporting him? Maybe not. But pretending like you're amused when you're not? Nope. Great response.

Seeing as this is a person you presumably (?) have a lot of physical contact with. Well, I would feel uncomfortable.

[AtrociousCircumstance]

YANBU.

Fucking inappropriate. He laboriously outlined an image of a woman bending over, exposing herself, being sexually available/vulnerable.

I wouldn't go back. Anyone who thinks this is 'just a joke' is really misguided and probably would have voted for Trump.

Trust your instincts.

[AtrociousCircumstance]

X posts. And an inappropriate comment about a rape case? This man is a sexist dickhead at best, and at worst dangerous.

[ChickenVindaloo]

He's asked me over to his house before class before (he knows I'm married, I declined). I got even angrier because later in class he said something highly insensitive about a rape case in the news in my area at the moment.

That's the bits to get angry about OP, not a crap joke!

[ItShouldHaveBeenJingleJess]

Sorry, geradine, misunderstood. In that situation, I think you need to have a quiet word with your instructor. It should be a safe place, and if he is making you uncomfortable, then it know longer is. Apologies for misunderstanding.

[ToothPowder]

He's an idiot, who could have apologised when he saw you weren't amused, but chose to try to focus on your discomfort, and your response was actually good. Next week break a couple of his ribs and say 'Whoops'.

[SpunkyMummy]

vindaloo

Well, complain the crappy joke, the invite, the comment about the rape case and the fact that their doing something with a lot of physical contact?!

That sounds horrible.

[JellyBelli]

YANBU or over sensitive, everything he said was inappropriate. Your come back was great.
A self defence class for women is supposed ot be a friendly environment, but theres often one macho twat who feels uncomfortable around women. Mentioon it to the instructor. If women have been leaving the class, they may now know the reason.
How did the others react?

[ToothPowder]

And your response wasn't remotely over the top.

[SpunkyMummy]

*conining the crappy joke

Not complain

[SpunkyMummy]

What the heck is wrong with my iPad?!! Combining

Sheesh,

[AtrociousCircumstance]

The joke isn't just a crap joke. It's a very clear sign that this person is sexist, doesn't give a shit about the OP feeling comfortable/ok, puts his own sexuality ahead of anything else, disrespects women...it's entirely in keeping with the rape comment.

[CheesyWeez]

I would have hated that OP. Even if it's an old cheap joke I wouldn't have liked the way he must have been visualising the naked bending over part. Seems highly inappropriate in the circumstances.

Maybe next time tell him to stop with the inappropriate jokes.

[Lilacpink40]

I've changed my mind through your later post. This isn't a one-off he has made other inappropriate comments. I'd have a word with the instructor even if you don't take it further now, if it continues you'll have 'logged' comments so far.

[Mindfields]

Just out of interest, what was the joke/jokey thing you said about tattoos?

As *Vindaloo" said, it's the other things he's said/done that would upset me not some lame joke that's so old it has whiskers on it.

[CheesyWeez]

OK sorry I thought the instructor made the joke, now I see you mean one of the other students. Yes I'd tell the instructor that he makes you uncomfortable.

[thetemptationofchocolate]

I agree that you should mention this to your instructor. Hopefully the instructor will at least make sure you aren't partnered with this man, ever.

[cunningartificer]

I'm really surprised by the number of people who think the op has a sense of humour fail. That's a bad vulgar and offensive 'joke' and you were right to call him on it. His behaviour sounds as though it makes you uncomfortable so if I were you I'd tell him.

I'm sorry you had that experience. Even if you are able, as you were, to stand up to it, it is still awful.

[cdtaylornats]

How is it sexist it would work equally well for men

[SarcasmMode]

In some contexts i would say this was fine.
Group of men with each other or close mates having a laugh.

But to someone you just see on occasion who you don't really know the personality of? Surely you'd want to know if the person would be likely to be offended.

I'd also feel uncomfortable being the only female there and the joke being said.

I think he's either quite thick or he was trying to humiliate/embarrass you. Is he the macho guys guy type?

I'd just avoid chit chat with this charmer in future.

[AyeAmarok]

I think your comeback was really good.

I'd feel really uncomfortable if someone made a joke like that about me. I don't find it funny at all, it's a bit vile IMO.

Sounds like he's an absolute bellend. I'd keep my distance from him. But don't give up a hobby you like,that would be a shame.

[Mom2Monkeys]

It sounds like a bad tatoo joke they heard.
They've probably been waiting for an opportunity to use it.
You happened to be the first person that presented the opportunity to make the joke.

They are probably socially awkward and often say things that sound inappropriate. Other people in the class probably thought: 'wanker'.
I very much doubt they thought any less of you.