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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to expect my parents to have contacted me after house move

43 replies

golfbuggy · 10/11/2016 13:37

My parents have just moved from a house 30 minutes away to one that is 3.5 hours away.
They moved out of their previous house just over 2 weeks ago, with the plan being that they would move into a hotel for a week (couldn't line up chain) and then move into their new place.

I spoke to them a couple of days before they moved out of their current place. I've heard nothing since. If all went to plan, they would have been in their new house for over a week now. I don't have any contact details for their new house. My parents don't "do" technology so they don't really use mobile phones/email etc. So I literally have no way of contacting them. I'm "assuming" that they don't yet have a landline in their new house, and are waiting to have one sorted before they start getting in touch. We would normally talk on the phone every couple of weeks, so I guess it's not much longer than that since I've heard from them, but that's when they are not making mammoth moves to another part of the country!

I know they are adults and can do what they like, but AIBU to think that not even sending a "we've moved in ok postcard " with their new address is pretty poor?" My sibling has heard nothing either.

OP posts:

redshoeblueshoe · 10/11/2016 19:18

l4 - I was going to say the same thing
OP - your parents are indeed genius's
off to look at new houses

Lorelei76 · 10/11/2016 19:56

What's with the "genius" comments?

I guess it depends who is choosing the nursing home.

wornoutboots · 11/11/2016 07:47

I've been in your position, it bloody hurts.
My mother moved out of her house without even bothering to tell me, leaving me to freak out when I couldn't contact her because her landline was cut off.

"oh I thought someone would have told you"
I imagine they all thought that as her daughter I already would know!

No advice, but hang in there. They'll contact eventually.

Lorelei76 · 12/11/2016 18:57

Worn out, are you still in touch with her?

Hissy · 13/11/2016 12:37

(((Huge hug))) wornoutboots

Lollollollol · 13/11/2016 12:46

I think they will just be really busy and without a phone line. I'd be eagerly waiting for a call but I wouldn't be put out about it.

Yabu

Mynestisfullofempty · 13/11/2016 12:58

I don't get the 'your parents are geniuses' comments either. What on earth is clever about this kind of behaviour? It's just hurtful and thoughtless IMO.

OnionKnight · 13/11/2016 13:02

Your parents sound like dicks OP, I wouldn't go to the effort of trying to contact them.

haveacupoftea · 13/11/2016 14:31

Not the same but I told my mum I'm pregnant 5 weeks ago. She hasn't rung, texted or Facebooked me once to ask how I am I guess we should take the hint!

TheBouquets · 13/11/2016 14:55

I have heard people talking along these lines. We have brought up our DCs and paid off the mortgage, time to have fun now. A sort of Shirley Valentine but as a couple. I didn't think people would actually do it. Mostly I thought it was just talk. I wonder if this is the real life version.
I do wonder though why as the grown up daughter of presumably elderly parents you were not more involved in the whole house move thing. Perhaps you have shown your disinterest more than you meant. I saw that you had quite sharply stated that you had looked at many house schedules.

However I do hope that your parents get in touch soon. The hotel may not be able to give you details of their guests but if several more weeks go by with no contact the police could investigate.

Original poster

golfbuggy · 13/11/2016 15:44

TheBouquets Looking at houses is my parents hobby! They are always planning on moving and they very rarely do it . They've been talking about moving for at least the last 4 years and have viewed many properties in multiple different parts of the country, then they change their mind for a few months before starting up again. So yes, it's hard to retain an interest and I have to admit that most of me thought that my parents wouldn't actually move - which was further strengthened when 3 houses fell through in very quick succession for what seemed like fairly spurious reasons. I didn't believe that my parents would actually move until the day they exchanged which was 2 days before they actually moved. And, yes I admit, I am not overjoyed that my elderly parents have chosen to move so far away from their only family members (myself and my brother) but at the end of the day they are adults and can do what they want. They have still not been in touch. However it is DH's birthday tomorrow and they always send him a card so I am hoping it will arrive with at least address details.

OP posts:

Ginkypig · 13/11/2016 15:57

Golf that sounds hopefull.

If they send a card at least you know they are ok.

It could be that they just didn't think about the fact you would have no way to contact them.

It's an odd one though!

TheBouquets · 13/11/2016 19:32

Golfbuggy - Buying a house is the most significant purchase you will ever make. At the time of the purchase the financial investment is the greatest you make. It is something that takes a lot of pondering and worry. This is perhaps the last time they will move house and they need to be sure it is the right move. I would agree with their caution being far better than rushing into something they might regret.
I have also spent time looking at houses in various places. It is a huge decision. Perhaps your parents stayed in their previous area because of their elderly parents or to see you and DBro in settled lives and now feel that this is their moment. It is apparently a huge distance that they have moved. Is it a special area to them or something like seaside or city being completely different to where they were?
Perhaps as a busy mum with DC you have appeared busy to them and uninterested in their moving plans. They may not have unpacked their address book yet and cant remember phone numbers.

If they do not send a card as usual for DH birthday tomorrow perhaps start a more effective search with Police. A call to Social Work if they have need of any equipment. You could gather the necessary information tonight such as car registration no. make model and colour.
I do hope that you and your parents are in contact soon and it has all been a bit of misunderstanding rather than a falling out.

Original poster

golfbuggy · 13/11/2016 20:20

With respect TheBouquets I think I know my parents rather better than you do! They move house a lot, sometimes impulsively and sometimes only remain in an area for a very short time. I would be extremely surprised if this is their last move - although they are in their 70s they are likely to get bored, find that the location doesn't offer what they want and will move again. It's hard to stay interested in your parents' house moves when they have pretty much always just moved or are about to move. They've been in their current house for 6 years, which I think constitutes a record, but have spent all but the first couple of years talking about the next place they want to move to.

The location is somewhere they have been on holiday a few times and liked. 6 months previously they were dead set on an entirely separate and distant area of the country .

Anyway (if anyone is still interested), my parents rang me tonight with a catalogue of incidents related to moving in which they had been sorting. The purpose of the phone call was however to apologise that they'd forgotten to post DH's birthday card, and I was left very much of the impression that if it hadn't have been for that might easily have gone another week or so without contact. The phone call was extremely short, they evidently had little interest in speaking to me, but I did manage to extract their phone number and address so I can at least now get in touch and know that they are ok.

So sadly I think the "genius" posters have it right - my parents only stayed in my life when I had DC that were cute and cuddly. Now they are older they hold no interest and my parents have gone off to make their own life elsewhere.

OP posts:

Lorelei76 · 13/11/2016 20:46

I feel for you OP
Do keep in mind they have no right to expect anything from you. They can live as far away as they like but some parents pull this, then expect their kids to go tearing up the motorway at the first sign of crisis.
SMH.

TheBouquets · 13/11/2016 23:05

Aw Golf I had no intent to upset you at all. I really did get it so wrong about your parents staying in a place for a long time. I am sorry for that. My family have a tendency to stay in houses for very long times I must have projected that into this situation.

I am glad that the parents have contacted you and put aside any worries you had about their well being. Don't take any short phone call to mean that they don't care about you.

I would love to do a Shirley Valentine but I know that is only a dream and I will not do it. I know that it would worry my DCs. To a certain extent I admire your parents for their courage to move so far away at 70ish but I also know that this is all very well when there are 2 of them but one is left alone it becomes more difficult and no doubt as they are so used to moving house they may move back to nearer your area.
I am glad they are safe. I realise that a simple phone call would have put your mind at rest. You now have their contact details. I would hope that they have more care for their family than only wanting to hang around the cute wee kids.
Sorry if I have caused you even more upset.

Thatwaslulu · 13/11/2016 23:08

My dad once told me that when he was a child, he went to school one day, came home for lunch and his parents had moved house without telling him!

To be fair, they only moved a few streets away but he had no idea - he was 6 at the time.

wornoutboots · 17/11/2016 10:35

sorry - for those who asked, yes I am still in contact with my mother though not very frequently.
I can't get past it to be honest. It was the worst in a series of things making me feel... unwanted.
So now I phone when I have to.

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