Playground problems

[SoEverybodyDance]

Another mum has approached me g about my DS (aged 7). Yesterday her son came back from school with a split lip and when questioned, he told her my DS had caused it during play time. She wants to talk about it between the four of us.

I am perfectly happy to discipline my DS if he has done this, but the trouble is her DS has form for blaming mine. A few months ago my DS came home with a hole in his shirt. He told me he had made it by poking his pencil through it (marvellous boy!) A few days later she came to me with her son's shirt which was full of similar holes all over the front of it. When questioned he told her my DS poked all the holes in his shirt during class. My son said the other boy did it himself. I was sceptical of the other boy's story, particularly because it hadn't been seen by a teacher and it seemed highly unlikely that a child would be able to grab another and poke so many holes in his t shirt unseen by anyone.

She is quite a strict mum (but has always been friendly) and her son does not go on play dates so I do not see how they play together. I suggested we talk to their class teacher about it, to see what might be happening but she says she doesn't want to. If my son says he did it, then it's obviously it's not okay and I need to talk to him about it. But what if he says he didn't? I am worried an awkward situation will develop. Has anyone else been in this kind of situation? What would you do?

I would go to the teacher, say another parent approached you and said this incident had happened and can teacher shed any light on it.
I wouldn't be discussing direct with the other parents.

Go through the school. Neither you or the other mum can possibly be objective about it. Go to the teacher yourself and explain the situation and ask her to speak to the boys and try and find out what happened. There is no way on earth I would agree to sorting this out between parents.

Agree go through the school. A split lip is more serious than the pencil thing and is certainly something that the teacher should be made aware of, even if you don't get to the bottom of it this time.

If it happens at school then it's for the school to deal with, obviously you will support them with what they find and any sanctions they give but you can't possibly deal with a situation you don't witness.

There's a reason she doesn't want to go to the teachers. I'd defo go to the teacher as previous poster says and ask about the incident and behaviours in general.

I would be suspicious about why she wants to avoid going through the school to be honest. Sure you can punish/discipline your son after the fact but it's the teachers who are there and have the opportunity to prevent any further incidents.

I agree it's better dealt with by school.

Definitely through the school if she has "form" for ascribing all problems to your son. She must be deluded to believe the shirt story.

Go through the school. Some parents are completely blinkered to their child doing anything wrong and you need an impartial conversation. ime there's often some fault on both sides, key thing is whether situations are escalating from the norm and why, then put a stop to it.

I was at a play date recently where two children were constantly fighting and the mother of the main instigator kept saying very loudly "oh DC, poor you, did he just hit you, it's ok mummy saw it..." to the point that the mother of the child who was actually being pushed / hit was apologising!

Yes.. I would tell her it is a school incident and needs dealing with in school...

Firstly if correct...There is probably far more to the story that your DS walked up and gave him a split lip.

Secondly if it was not your DS..I would want it noted your DS is been blamed for things he didn't do.

I have a rule what happens in school is dealt with in school. If my DCs teacher made me aware of a serious issue then I would have words with them and discipline accordingly. No way would I take another parents word before speaking with the teacher.
A few weeks into my DS reception year another child's grandparent asked me to have a word with him and made out he was bullying her GD. I told her no as I hadn't been made aware of any issue by the teacher, turns out she hadn't even spoken to the teacher. When I followed it up turns out my DS had done nothing wrong and her GD had just been caught in the crossfire of a game, a total accident.

Thanks everyone for all your advice, that's pretty much unanimous, I will speak to his teacher this afternoon.

I think she is reluctant to go through the school because English is not her first language and she's a bit shy, to be honest. But there could be other reasons that I don't know about.

And thanks Starlight for making me focus on the fact that there's probably more to the split lip incident.

Fruitboxjury the thing about escalation is interesting. As our boys are still friends, as far as I'm aware, I imagine that the incidents are probably reciprocal and mutual rough play. I don't particularly like it, but have to accept a lot of little boys like to rough and tumble.