For avoiding confrontation?

[newdaddie]

My wife is furious at me for spending £250 on a new doorbell.

We live in a flat in a Victorian conversion and share a front door with a complete busy body. She tampers with our mail and answers the door when she hears our doorbell (whether we're in or not).

I suspect she's 'not well' and don't want a nasty confrontation but we had to do something about the constant invasions of our privacy. We can afford the bell which connects to wifi and rings silently on our mobiles.

Your DW should perhaps have more respect for your evaluation of the situation.

Only if she's psychic. From what has been said, there's been no discussion between the OP and his wife about different ways of dealing with the issue and which way forward.

If you

If you don't start communicating about problems, this sort of thing will keep happening again and again - you seem to think a fight or avoidance is the only way to solve problems. You need to learn about how to communicate assertively.

(Stupid phone)

Just to be clear our marriage is great and we have a fantastic support network of family and friends which I would turn to the immediately if we had serious problems, communication or otherwise.

So thanks for your concern Sherlocks and Marples but (unless I decide to buy my wife that smart kettle) this is definitely just an AIBU not a cry for help...

Really not getting why all these chaps feel the need to declare what sex they are before posting...what the hell difference does it make?

Ok then your lack of communication about the matter with your wife makes you unreasonable.

What did te neighbour say when you asked her about opening the parcel an letters?
Surely it should've been sorted then?

Jess & lostit I might actually consider it if the kettle goes in the Black Friday sale if dw can see the funny side it might actually save our xmas.

NB: that's a joke we're not actually that vacuous and materialistic... dd 1st xmas is totally going to be focused on taking cute instagram pics.

And posting on FB, I hope! Nothing like a typed out birthday wish from parents for a baby who can't read yet!

I actually want that kettle

Prawn you hit the nail on the head I really don't think that it's worth the confrontation. And now that we've started a family we're looking at moving away anyway. And bearhug you're right dw didn't know what I was planning and if I know her like I think I do... dw was planning on catching my neighbour red handed and letting her have a verbal tirade that would make paxman shocked.

Neighbour is what most people would consider eccentric at least. She doesn't work, has dedicated her life to art and lives in the flat that her parents bought for her when she graduated 30ish years ago. She's still of working age and my wife thinks she's lazy and has too much time on her hands.

Neighbour receives some sort of money from the government/or parents but not enough to maintain her share of the property so we tend to bear most of the expenses. But this doesn't stop her from lording over the place, she's Oxford educated... and 'doesn't like to mention it'... but somehow always manages to mention it. DW has already given her a dressing down when we were unable to buy the freehold because of her. But our property woes are enough for another dozen AIBUs and the main point is their relationship is already tense

Fortnum thanks for clarifying what you have between your legs for us

I already have a pair of testicles... dd wasn't delivered by stork...

an extra pair of boobs might help with the night time feeds but I'd need a whole new set of shirts and I've already used up all my pocket money.

I would want the neighbour to be spoken to by one of the couple, to ensure post would be left alone in the future and that any interference on the grounds of"African" or "Otherness" would be accepted as explicit racism in the future.

Is your wife the gadget sort? I only use my phone to look at calls and texts a few times during the day at the most, so it wouldn't be a useful post interceptor for me and I would be annoyed if I were expected to start using my phone differently for this purpose rather than just have my mail left alone.

If you avoid all confrontation with this neighbour, starting with the post and front door, is the boundary just going to change to something else that she oversteps? That would be another of my fears of avoiding talking to the neighbour about the post issue.

If your wife doesn't like the new doorbell scheme then are solely you and your phone enough, on duty enough, to ensure dw never has to find that the neighbour's intercepted the mail again?

Even if yes, I'd still be annoyed about a £250 doorbell tbh.

I already have a pair of testicles... dd wasn't delivered by stork... 

You bought a gadget that allows you to spy on your wife and see/communicate with callers when she is at home and you are out.

YABVU, stalkerish and controlling.

ZOMBIE ZOMBIE ZOMBIE

Sooo many zombie threads at the mo what is going on??

You do realise that you could have just told your visitors to call you instead and disconnected your door bell entirely?

Dione, is it just a massive coincidence that you resurrect a six year old thread because the OP shares a similar name to a poster on the Surestart thread. If it's not, then calling someone stalking is a bit pot, kettle, black.

Year old thread, not six year old.

Really Radio, your think ASing a GF on MN is the same as installing an expensive gadget to spy on your wife while she's on maternity leave?

I think her frustration is that you said you would 'deal' with the situation, but have actually found an expensive way of not dealing with it.

But it does sound rather cool! (missing point)

ZOMBIE THREAD

but you neighbour shouldn't be opening your mail though should she? and you offered to speak to her about it? or at least your wife thinks you did?
and you haven't - you have just avoided the problem with a £250 shopping trip.
So you are £250 out of pocket - and the neighbour will continue to open your mail and think it is ok.
You are sounding a little bit unreasonable to me....
You have essentially opted for a confrontation with your wife rather than have the conversation you offered to have with your neighbour about her (neighbour's) unreasonable behaviour.
Surely you can understand that was never going to be a good plan?