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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To try and get my son's Pokemon card back.

48 replies

user1478448728 · 09/11/2016 10:59

My son had his 2 friends round yesterday. One child showed an interest in a Pikachu card and asked to "borrow" it. Was told no as it is my son's favorite card. 2 children left home and immediately after I noticed card has gone.
I know it is only a card, but my son is upset it has gone.
I do not know which of 2 kids took it, but I suspect it was the one who kept begging to "borrow" it.
Should I leave it as IT IS JUST A STUPID CARD or pursue it with the child's mum as I now do not want the child back in the house in case something else gets pinched?

OP posts:

pinkunicornsarefluffy · 09/11/2016 12:23

I would ask politely if either of the children accidentally took it home with them.

I had a similar situation once, lost a DS game, asked my friend if her DS knew where it was as he was the last one playing with it. He denied all knowledge, however it was found in his bedroom! I didn't think for one minute he had taken it, was simply asking if he remembered where it was left but it turns out he had taken it home. If he had asked he could have borrowed it :(

madamginger · 09/11/2016 12:26

We've had similar at school with match attack cards, I'm so sick of them. DS got a rare one in a pack worth £10 and a kid stole it on a play date. The mother denied her child had it, said her son had told her he'd not seen it at all.
Anyway 3 weeks later she told me on the playground she'd found it when cleaning his room, and she apologised profusely.
Another boys dad bought him an ultra rare card on eBay worth £60 and it was 'swapped' by an older boy in yr6 and never seen again.

YelloDraw · 09/11/2016 12:26

I would ask politely if either of the children accidentally took it home with them.
Same.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 09/11/2016 12:26

"My son liked the babysitter but other child said she was useless and he did not want her back again."

And what exactly did the other child think that you would do about it? you've hired the babysitter for your son, the one who likes her. Why would you give a shiny shit what the random other thought about her??

Definitely try to cut links with these people, if the parents are using you as unpaid childcare for hours at a stretch, and the kids are taking stuff from your DS, then you don't need them in your life.

Am appalled really that people do take advantage, although I know there are many takers and chancers in this world. :(

TheLittleRedHen · 09/11/2016 12:33

Just send a quick text to his mum and say that you think DS told him he could borrow it but you have a "no lending" rule in your house. Sorry to disappoint the boy but can he make sure that he gives it back to DS at school tomorrow (or whatever).

Just read your latest post about the babysitter - I'd also have a "no friends while babysitter is round" rule as well!

Original poster

user1478448728 · 09/11/2016 12:36

Just spoke to the babysitter to find out what went on. Turns out he was trying to steal items from the cupboard and she stopped him, so he ran off back home, then returned within 5 minutes. She told him he was being rude. Babysitter is on a health visitor course atm, but calling back for a full chat at 1 when her lecture finishes.

OP posts:

WeAllHaveWings · 09/11/2016 12:44

it is ok to ask the other mum if her ds has the card as its missing. Be careful you child didn't give away or trade, if he did you should tell him he doesn't get it back.

If your ds is very attached to his cards do not let him take them to school, or out to trade, if he is not mature enough to know how to trade fairly (for him and the other person) it just leads to disaster and tears.

Been there when a parent expected the teacher to coordinate a chain of trades between different children all to be reversed after her ds decided he didn't like what he had and was upset (bonkers that the teacher actually tried this and failed miserably resulting in no one trading again with the complaining child and the child getting even more upset).

Also been there when ds was upset with what he had traded, but he was told you traded, you cant go back, learn from it.

Lemon12345 · 09/11/2016 12:54

I think you should ask the other parents, maybe text them both even though you're pretty sure which one stole the card. I wouldn't say that your son said the other child could borrow it. That implies that your son is at fault rather than the thief and welcomes advice that you need to teach your kids your rules or not have 'daft rules' anyway etc... opens a whole different can of worms.

I would say you had noticed it missing, DS was upset and last time you both saw it was when the 3 of them were together. Could they check it hadn't got mixed up in their belongings when they left.
Implying that it was an accident but that it was that child's accident rather than any blame on your own son. I don't thin k you need to inform their parents of any theft especially as they sound like they are taking advantage anyway and you are stopping your son from seeing them.

On the note of seeing them, if the 8 year old is knocking at the door for your son, I assume he's pretty local? If so I'm not sure how you can stop him playing with your son, maybe at 6 it will be easier but as you son is older and allowed to play out unsupervised then it would be difficult to prevent.

Original poster

user1478448728 · 09/11/2016 12:55

I was in the room at the time and there was no trading. One child did ask to trade the card and I made it clear that nobody is having his Pikachu card, as I know that is the one the prime suspect was after.
There are other, more worrying issues around the parents, but I have voiced my concerns with the relevant professionals about this and have been monitoring the situation.

OP posts:

Original poster

user1478448728 · 09/11/2016 12:56

The child is local and an added dimension to this is I do not want to upset his parents as I find them a bit scary.

OP posts:

Evariste · 09/11/2016 13:24

I didn't know Pokemon cards were still a thing!
DS2's collection (a huge boxful) is still cluttering up the place and he's away at uni now . Do they still do Yu Gi Oh as well?

bumsexatthebingo · 09/11/2016 13:28

Tbh I would just replace the card on ebay and make sure the kids stay in sight if they visit again if the card was the only issue. You can't accuse people if you're not sure it's been taken. Why is the other parent using your babysitter though? Is she contributing to the cost?

glueandstick · 09/11/2016 13:45

YNBU. It's pikachu. Pikachu is the best.

incogKNEEto · 09/11/2016 16:32

Did you get a reply to your message? I think the non-confrontational 'just' noticed it was missing, last seen today when all three boys were playing together, any chance that x has accidentally gathered it up with his belongings' is the way to go. Sort out the reducing contact/taking advantage after you (hopefully) get pikachu card back.

spicyfajitas · 09/11/2016 17:02

Absolutely ask for it back. One of my children once did this. I got a text from the mum saying did she happen to have it, that she was sure she'd just put it in a pocket and forgotten about it and understood that accidents happen.
I replied saying I was pretty sure it wasn't an accident and that my child took it knowingly. We rushed out to post it back, along with a card we'd made to say sorry.
It also helped that the mum described how her daughter was feeling as I was able to let my child know how upset and disappointed the other child felt.
It was a learning experience for my child and I was glad we were so graciously given the chance to put it right.

BaldBaby1970 · 09/11/2016 17:16

The more you post the more I think the best way forward is to step away from these people and their children. You don't need to give any explanation or be rude just don't contact them or invite them again. When the child knocks on the door looking to rummage through your cupboards come in just say it's not a good time right now, goodbye. Repeat until they don't bother any more.

MimsyBorogroves · 09/11/2016 17:23

Please do ask them. When I was around 10 my "best friend" used to steal all of my favourite things - a fountain pen, some treasured gaming cards, some fake tattoos. I finally admitted it to my dad (I have no idea why I was so scared to tell him) and I remember him telling me she wasn't coming round again - we were at different schools at that point and I was desperate to end the friendship but out of my depth.

I never got my stuff back and still long for a fountain pen, that sadly never got replaced but I still remember the way I felt towards my Dad at that point - he was absolutely my hero.

Original poster

user1478448728 · 09/11/2016 18:32

well he has been round tonight, he had invited my son to martial arts class but his parents have refused to take my son. This is after me taking the boy out lots of places. It would have been the first time they have done anything for my son, but surprise, surprise they cannot be arsed.
he has been told to leave us alone.
a kind mumsnetter is sending us another Pikachu card
so relieved he has been told to leave us alone.

OP posts:

Leeds2 · 09/11/2016 18:50

So glad that your DS has a promise of a new Pikachu card. Well Done to that Mumsnetter.

mrsglowglow · 09/11/2016 19:04

It's also possible that the missing card will turn up. I've experienced a v rare card disappearing and found months later when we moved a cabinet. I'm constantly finding random cards in books, beds, sofa sides.

SendARavenToRiverRun · 09/11/2016 19:19

Please please ask for it back still. It sends a clear message to your son that you'll always have his back. It might seem trivial to some but that card is as important to him as something far more expensive.
I'd cut contact as well. You sound like you're being taken for a mug

justilou · 09/11/2016 20:08

Sounds like OP does not expect a positive result from the parents. She finds them scary and doesn't want to incite them to kick off. I suspect it's pretty clear that they are not the sort of parents who are going to teach their little darlings how to behave. Congratulations on telling the little trolls to go away, OP. Don't let them back in. (Or look the kid in the eye and say "You're not coming in until I get the Pikachu card back."

wonderingsoul · 09/11/2016 20:26

It may only be a card ro you but itll be major for your ds

I would message the mums and ask to check.

My d s1 stole one if mybds2 pokemon card and trades it at school my ds2 was v v upset. Hes brother had to give up hes cards and i also brought him a 100 from ebay for a 10 pounds

Ds1 managed to get the card back to.

Its the poimt of it id want to know if my children where stealing.

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