Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not give DH a lift

52 replies

golfbuggy · 08/11/2016 19:17

DH normally uses his motorbike to get to work, however there is an issue with the bike so he can't ride it at the moment. His workplace is about 10-15 minutes drive away in normal traffic; mine is very close to home.

On Monday we left at 7.55am so before the worst of the traffic and I'd dropped him off and was in my work for 8.30.

This morning he was faffing so we didn't leave until 8.05am - still managed to drop him off just after 8.20, but hit rush hour traffic going to my work place and it took me over 30 minutes to get to work which was obviously frustrating and meant I had to work late to make up the time.

Tomorrow the bike is going to be fixed but the bike shop (5 minute from home in the wrong direction) is not open until 8am, and he then has to book it in etc.so I'm expecting the traffic to be even worse than today. I've told him I'm not prepared to drive him and he can drive himself. He doesn't want to do this as it is a major hassle and expensive to find a parking space near his workplace, so is now planning to get the bus. The bus is notoriously unreliable (turns up very late or not at all) so I'm starting to feel a bit guilty about not taking him in. AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
golfbuggy · 09/11/2016 11:43

Have to admit I am really surprised that everyone thinks IABU. I was 30 minutes late for work this morning, just on the basis of picking him up from the bike shop and dropping him at the bus stop. If I'd taken him to work it would probably be close to another hour's journey at that time of day. Quite apart from the PITA driving, making up more than an hour's work of time is really really difficult in terms of having to reorganize child pickups/childcare etc. All because he didn't want to find a parking space (or get a taxi as someone else suggested). You are all obviously much better people than I am.

OP posts:
pasturesgreen · 09/11/2016 11:44

YANBU.

If his workplace is 10-15 minutes drive away, it sounds as it'd be doable walking distance anyway, if he really doesn't want the hassle of parking.

Original poster
golfbuggy · 09/11/2016 11:48

Work is 7 miles away so even I am not suggesting he walks!

OP posts:
user1471950254 · 09/11/2016 12:02

You are being unreasonable as surely you would expect him to do this for you?

You both have a very short commute even with the rush hour traffic you've mentioned. However it is his responsibility to get himself ready to leave at the allotted time to ensure neither of you is late for work

whatyouseeiswhatyouget · 09/11/2016 12:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mirandawest · 09/11/2016 12:05

As he's got another way of getting there, and taking him means you have to work late, then I think you're justified in not giving him a lift.

ChuckGravestones · 09/11/2016 12:08

I would normally walk to work so wouldn't use the car at all

Well, surely you would just walk to work as usual? He is a grown up and responsible and if the lift thing doesn't work then it doesn't work for you.

Original poster
golfbuggy · 09/11/2016 12:10

user no I wouldn't expect him to do this for me in these circumstances. I'd expect to drive or ask a colleague for a lift.

OP posts:
DixieWishbone · 09/11/2016 12:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DiscoMike · 09/11/2016 12:30

Your issue is that your DH is transferring the hassle of his problems on to you. Of course it's easier for him if you give him a lift Grin As far as he's concerned it's a straightforward thing for you to do for him. He's thinking about the trouble he would have parking near his work and the expense he would have to pay. He is not thinking about you being late for work or sitting in traffic or extending your commute by 45 minutes. He doesn't see any of that.

Ronagtl · 09/11/2016 12:31

What Dixie said. Get him to leave bike there early, say 7.30am and put its keys through the repairers letterbox. He doesnt physically need to be there really, does he? You then drop him at work at reasonable time for your onward journey and he can 'book' the bike in over the phone. Do this with my garage all the time.

RubyRed6878 · 09/11/2016 12:35

YANBU at all!!!!
If he has the car, he can drive.
My DP doesn't drive so in situations similar to this (where he'd appreciate a lift) i drive him but he never expects it and if he did (and had the ability to do it himself) I'd be even less inclined to do it.
Definitely not BU op

YelloDraw · 09/11/2016 12:35

I would not make myself an hour late for work.

Can't he get a taxi???

TheNaze73 · 09/11/2016 12:40

YABU

thisusernameisnotavailable · 09/11/2016 13:25

I sit in an hours traffic twice a day. Consider yourself lucky to have such an easy commute normally.

Take him because you never know when the boot will be in the other foot

Landoni112 · 09/11/2016 13:35

Can't he get a taxi?

Original poster
golfbuggy · 09/11/2016 13:40

I'm not sure it's "luck" that we've chosen to live in a not-so-nice-area because there are so many local job opportunities and not commuting in heavy traffic twice a day is something we value. Or that the fact that others have it worse is relevant? Taken to that extreme I suppose we're lucky to have a car and a motorbike and that DH doesn't have to walk the 7 miles to work?

Just came back to post that it turns out that DH got a lift from a neighbour :) who happened to be passing and took pity.

I suspect my AIBU title was wrong. If I'd posted "AIBU not to want to spend an hour in rush hour traffic just to avoid DH a 10 minute walk and a hassle to find a parking space", maybe I'd have got different answers? Or maybe everyone on today is a saint Grin.

OP posts:
Inertia · 09/11/2016 13:44

DiscoMike is right.

Giving him a lift would be entirely reasonable if that's all there is to it. However, being late into work creates a knock-on effect of further problems with school runs etc, which is then the OP's responsibility to deal with.

The husband could drive himself, which would seem to be the sensible solution, but is not willing to take on any hassle himself- apparently only the OP should have to face additional expense and logistical hassles.

almamatters · 09/11/2016 13:51

Id give my partner a lift at any time for any reason with question....but appreciate that may be just me so I'm going to you are BU.

RaspberryOverloadTheFirst · 09/11/2016 13:53

I'm on the YANBU side here.

He can drive himself in to work in the car, find a parking space and pay for it. Whereas he wants you to drive him and drop him off to save him that hassle, and doesn't appear to care that it costs you all that extra time and hassle to re-organise childcare because you are working late to make up the time.

I would drop off DP, if it were unavoidable, but in this case, the DH does have perfectly good options and simply doesn't want to use them.

LemonBreeland · 09/11/2016 14:01

I would say YANBU. You are expected to drive when you normally walk, as he doesn't want the hassle. Totally unfair of him.

HomeShapedBox · 09/11/2016 14:07

10-15 minutes drive is walking distance?? Takes my husband 10 minutes to drive from work and it's nearly 7 miles away!

JunosRevenge · 09/11/2016 14:10

YANBU.

He can either get a taxi or drive himself.

Skittlesss · 09/11/2016 14:18

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all as it's knocking your work day back an hour and plus all the travel as well... not good. Especially when he has the option of getting himself to work.

MrsTerryPratchett · 09/11/2016 15:09

Id give my partner a lift at any time for any reason with question....but appreciate that may be just me so I'm going to you are BU. Do you have a handle on the side of your head?

In the OP, he is giving her hassle to save himself hassle. Bugger that for a lark.

Swipe left for the next trending thread