To ask why some people are critical of breastfeeding past a year?

[LazyJournalistsShouldPissOff]

I have a 15 month old DD who still breastfeeds in the morning, and for comfort at other times as needed, for example when teething. Fwiw, I never "preach" about bf, DD also had formula at times, nor do I bf in front of anyone except DH these days as most of the time DD is happy to go all day without it. However, family members do ask me if I'm still feeding. Up to DD's first birthday most people were supportive of me bf (with a few exceptions) and said what a good start I had given her. Since then I have had the same people asking again, then on hearing I'm still bf start telling DD she needs to grow up, she's too old for it etc. She doesn't understand, but I find it really uncomfortable as clearly the comments are aimed at me.
I never intended to bf this long but I honestly think DD would be distraught if we stopped now, and there are so many benefits to her health that if it wasn't for the criticism I would feel happy to carry on for longer. However, knowing that family think it's odd makes me feel bad about it, even though rationally I know that it's really good for her! I started defending why I still bf in as diplomatic a way as I could but it's hard because I really don't want to offend anyone or make out I'm a better mum or anything like that and I know my MIL in particular sees the mere act of bf as a criticism of her because she didn't do it, as if me bf is to spite her. Anything I say will be used to bitch about me, as though I'm demonising formula. Even though we did use formula sometimes! But when people are critical of something that's actually really good for my DD I do want to defend my choice because I don't see how they could argue with science!
Why is it that some people become critical after a year of bf? And how do I explain the continued benefits that are making me stick with it without offending family members who didn't bf?

[PoundingTheStreets]

A part of this is because it's unusual to feed for this long. Therefore many people will assume that you are feeding for this duration because it is a strongly held belief of yours that babies should be fed for this length of time. They will then go on to assume that this means you are critical of others who have chosen not to do this.

A lot of it is 2 + 2 = 5. It is the human tendency so believe that one choice has to, by default, mean rejection of another choice.

I stopped BFing at 6 months and TBH it couldn't have come sooner for me. I feel no need to justify that to anyone and I wish you every success at continuing to BF for as long as you and your DC are happy. It's no one else's business but your own. Ignore them all.

[LazyJournalistsShouldPissOff]

I have read about alcohol and bf and I do drink occasionally. However, I would love to have a couple of glasses and go to bed for a good night's sleep knowing DD would take a bottle if she woke up. But she won't so I am always on duty in that sense.
Kellymom has some good information about extended bf. I believe I'm right in saying that a year old children have 60 percent of their immune system and that therefore to continue to bf past 1 means boosting their immune system. As well as providing pain relief when teething, for example.

[LazyJournalistsShouldPissOff]

Wrt to sounding like a martyr, that isn't my intention. As I said, I never preach about bf and actually it makes me feel a bit uncomfortable talking about the benefits of bf with people who don't agree as I really don't judge people for not bf! However, if people then insinuate that me continuing to bf is weird, or for my own benefit then I do feel I want to defend that decision because it feels horrible to be judged as doing something "weird" when all you are trying to do is what you believe is best for your child.

[teaandbiscuitsforme]

Lazy This is the whole problem (and the reason I got accused of being a lactivist earlier ). BF mums constantly have to 'defend' their position, and FF feel they do too. If a post is about extended BF and you don't think there are any benefits to BF, then move on. If the post is looking for support with FF and you have no experience of bottle feeding, move on, the post is not for you.

[Popularcontrarian]

If people make you feel weird that's their issue, not yours. Try not to feel like you need to defend it, because you don't. It's working for you, you want to do it, that's all that's important (to you).

But at the same time, don't beat yourself up about it. You do sound slightly conflicted when you talk about being on duty etc. At 15 months there's no reason for a baby to get milk in the middle of the night.

Be confident in your choices, you're never going to please everyone!

[kipkipkip]

Meh my dd has just turned one and I've no intention of stopping yet cos it seems like more of an effort to get her to replace it with something else.

I also drink quite a lot of wine.

[milliemolliemou]

Agree it's up to OP. I stopped BF during the day at 6 months because I had to go back to work. Kept on to 12 months for night time and then weaned totally. It's entirely up to you and what's better for you. However I do think some pps have a point that sometimes BF after 1-2 is more to do with the mother than the children. I do find it odd to 4-5 year olds in the US hanging on the tit but then they're not in nursery. First world problem? clearly if you have food alternatives you might wean earlier whereas with little food you might keep BF. But then when it's critical you are sapping the mother's strength when she has other children to care for cf Sudan Eritrea. Then it's a really cold call.

[ISaySteadyOn]

OP, I don't really have much to contribute to the discussion except my experience as an extended bfer( typing on phone while bfing 2.5 yo DS fwiw) which is that my first 2 DC did not fully wean until they had all their teeth. And that irl extended bfers are a quiet lot. I guess I just wanted you to know you're not alone.

[Velvian]

I had this too. My nan (whom I adored) told me it was disgusting & everyone in my family bottle fed; I was bottle fed. With DS1 I was only 17 & stopped when he was 2-3 months as it was making me uncomfortable, but DD was born when I was old enough not to care what others thought, I fed her until 21 months. Even previously supportive friends and in laws criticised after 9 or 10 months. When I had DS2 everyone was just used to my 'quirks'

[teaandbiscuitsforme]

Millie More to do with the mother? Seriously??

[Strongmummy]

It's no one's business, but your own. Saying that I personally don't think it's necessary for a child to breastfeed passed 18 months as they can eat a full diet by then. Plus they need to start learning boundaries from that age, ie mummy's boobs are not their food supply and don't belong to them.

[baconandeggies]

I personally don't think it's necessary for a child to breastfeed passed 18 months as they can eat a full diet by then. Plus they need to start learning boundaries from that age, ie mummy's boobs are not their food supply and don't belong to them.

Ahaha, good one. My daughter BFd until 3.5 years and knows very well whose boobs belong to whom

[OhPuddleducks]

When they ask if she's still feeding why not reply by asking "why do you want to know?". Might give them the cue that it isn't their business.

When it comes to feeding babies I find people's comments are more to do with their own choices or experiences than yours so I tried to avoid talking about it!

[oblada]

Just to say well done for continuing bf and WHO guidelines (not cringey no lol) say at least 2 years of bf and beyond. It has massive advantages (or rather not doing it has disadvantages) even past 12 or 18 months. It's normal and it works! Stopped with my older just as she turned 5 (her choice of course). Younger one may stop sooner (2.5 now). Natural age for weaning is anytime betw 2/2.5yrs old and 7yrs old and why force it on a child if it works? Just follow your child's lead it cannot go wrong :) we give cow milk to kids but it's proven it's not that good for health: much better to bf than use another animals' milk. Just common sense :)
And after 12-18months it's rly doesn't affect mum's life that much(or at least it doesn't have to): I go out, I even go away for week-ends if required and I have always worked full-time in quite busy careers...

[witsender]

It's because they enjoy the connection, feeling they can provide something no one else can etc. Not at all why I fed until 3. We carried on feeding because it was easy and mutually beneficial. The children wanted to, I had no strong feelings either way so while it worked, I was happy to continue.

That sentiment just plays into to the trope that extended/natural term BF is all about the mother, which is patently untrue.

[oblada]

Let's be clear that I didn't continue bf for me but because my DD clearly needed it. She was however not 'hanging frommy tits' and has gone to childminder/nursery from 6 months old. :)

[witsender]

"hanging on the tit"?

[LifeLong13]

Bacon you're my kinda tribe! My DD knows they're my boobies! It's like saying that because you have sex with your husband, he is using your vagina, and thinks it's his!

[notquiteruralbliss]

No idea. Other than they aren't thinking. I went back to work FT somewhere between 3 and 6 weeks after each of my DCs was born. I do a job that I enjoy but it is quite full on. A huge enabler for this is that DCs slept with us from birth and BF until they were 2+.

[AlchemySchmidtsSmile]

Evening OP
I breastfed DC1 to 27 months before caving into familial pressure to stop
I breastfed DC2 to 27 months before milk dried up then tandem fed her with DC3 until she gave up at 36 months
I breastfed DC3 to 39 months before calling it a day although two months in and he still asks me

For me, in all honesty, it was utter exhaustion and my own need to a) claw back some sleep b) avoid screaming children that led to extended breastfeeding. I coslept with all mine, breastfed them to sleep, let them self latch for "dream feeds" and basically stopped them screaming blue murder with my boobs. Not only that, it was incredibly practical for when they were poorly and could only take breastmilk.

Why do people judge you for it?

1. sexualisation of breasts in general
   
2. children encouraged to be independent earlier
   
3. deliberate extreme cases of bf in media along with Little Britain "bitty" sketch
   
4. different cultural norms
   
5. their own issues being projected (eg MIL wanting to bottle feed gc)
   

You do not need to justify it. Do it or Don't do it.
However, be prepared for the fact that these critics will not be sympathetic about your sleep deprivation or child going "cold turkey" when the time comes (not all kids choose to give up the boob). Because they will see you as having made the rod for your back/ martyred yourself. So in short...ignore the questioning, do what works for your family but do not expect praise/empathy/support (if they aren't showing that now you're not going to change their .ind whatever stwts, facts or rhetoric you use. Sorry.)

[AlchemySchmidtsSmile]

mind
stats

sausage fingers

[DragonHorse]

I breastfed DD till she was 3.5, and tandem fed her and her brother for a year. He's still feeding at 2.5 and we've no plans to stop till he's ready.

I used to get a lot of negative comments from family and friends about DD still feeding, told it was weird and so on. With DS they haven't mentioned it - possibly because they assume I've stopped (he feeds less than DD did, so it's less obvious).

I did once tell my DM, when she asked how much longer I was going to breastfeed DD for, that I wasn't sure, but for every time she brought it up, I'd add on a month. She shut up about it then.

[MistresssIggi]

And there's nothing wrong with that. If people are judgy about it, eff them. But please don't spout the WHO, it makes me cringe

The WHO recommendations were a big part of why I was happy to continue bf up to and past 2. Cringe away.
A very bossy toddler made up the rest of the reason

[Writerwannabe83]

My DS is 2 years and 7 months and we stopped breast feeding last week.

I had loads of people give me their opinions but I just let it go over my head as nothing they said was based on facts but on their prejudices or own personal issues.

I'm not one for using cheesy quotes but very often I used the phrase "my breasts, my child, my choice" with a huge smile on my face.

I 100% believe in breast feeding well in to early childhood and nothing they said was going to change that

[MindfulBear]

WHO recommends up to 2yo and beyond..... We went beyond. Most people would not have known. Certainly most family didn't know.
None of their business. But they are uneducated and ignorant if they tell you the child doesn't need to be BF. I don't need to drink water but it's good for me so I should.