To ask why some people are critical of breastfeeding past a year?

[LazyJournalistsShouldPissOff]

I have a 15 month old DD who still breastfeeds in the morning, and for comfort at other times as needed, for example when teething. Fwiw, I never "preach" about bf, DD also had formula at times, nor do I bf in front of anyone except DH these days as most of the time DD is happy to go all day without it. However, family members do ask me if I'm still feeding. Up to DD's first birthday most people were supportive of me bf (with a few exceptions) and said what a good start I had given her. Since then I have had the same people asking again, then on hearing I'm still bf start telling DD she needs to grow up, she's too old for it etc. She doesn't understand, but I find it really uncomfortable as clearly the comments are aimed at me.
I never intended to bf this long but I honestly think DD would be distraught if we stopped now, and there are so many benefits to her health that if it wasn't for the criticism I would feel happy to carry on for longer. However, knowing that family think it's odd makes me feel bad about it, even though rationally I know that it's really good for her! I started defending why I still bf in as diplomatic a way as I could but it's hard because I really don't want to offend anyone or make out I'm a better mum or anything like that and I know my MIL in particular sees the mere act of bf as a criticism of her because she didn't do it, as if me bf is to spite her. Anything I say will be used to bitch about me, as though I'm demonising formula. Even though we did use formula sometimes! But when people are critical of something that's actually really good for my DD I do want to defend my choice because I don't see how they could argue with science!
Why is it that some people become critical after a year of bf? And how do I explain the continued benefits that are making me stick with it without offending family members who didn't bf?

[TheUnseenAcademic]

I think it's important to note that the WHO guidelines are 'until at least 2'- so they're not saying that you should breastfeed up to 2 and then stop. Personally, my reading of the research (and a Life Scientific Radio 4 programme) suggested that the health benefits to the mother only really kick in after 18mo, and the longer you do it the better- especially for breast cancer. So I guess I was doing it for selfish reasons when I fed my son till 2 1/2, but not for emotional 'keeping him a baby' ones! Actually, another good argument you can use is the boost to the baby's immune system. It was invaluable when DS was ill and couldn't keep any other food down, and my consultant friend pointed out that it wasn't coincidence when my son got chickenpox a month after we stopped...
Anyway, horses for courses, fine to never start, to stop when you like or to carry on- it's no one else's business. We all have reasons for our choices and they can all be valid while producing different outcomes.
I am thinking of stopping much earlier with no.2 for the competing reason that I need to get some more sleep!

[Owllady]

Edmund, I hated breastfeeding too another taboo!

[TheUnseenAcademic]

Sorry- thread moved on and the 'at least' bit was covered while I typed my massive post.

[witsender]

I think babies past one do need it for nutrition...where have you heard otherwise?

My eldest stopped at 18 months but the youngest fed until past 3...no-one ever really commented.

[Crunchymum]

I am still feeding my 22mo (and she shows no signs of weaning)

I've noticed I keep pretty quiet about still feeding her. My family for example wouldn't know she still breastfeeds. She can go the whole day without and does 3 times a week as I work part time and she won't have expressed milk so we can go to social events without needing to feed.

I'm not embarrassed but I know there will be some level of judgement. Despite a lot of nieces and nephews, I am the only breastfeeder (I FF DC1 from 8work so I'm not at all anti formula)

It's weird that it is taboo. I certainly wouldn't feel comfortable feeding my child in public at this age.

[TheTantrumCometh]

People are really fucking odd when it comes to other people and what they do with their own bodies. A blanket statement, but you can apply it to pretty much everything- breastfeeding, ff, clothes, hairstyles, body shape, height, piercing, tattoos, make up. I could go on.

All we can do is live our lives our own way and ignore the critics. Though I would have a word with the relatives that are telling your DD to grow up. Passive aggressive behaviour just isn't on.

[Trifleorbust]

Witsender: I know that to be the case because of the many 1 year olds walking around drinking cow milk and eating solids. If that didn't meet their nutritional needs they wouldn't thrive.

[Popularcontrarian]

I'm with mouldy on this, quoting WHO guidelines just makes you sound as though you cannot think critically or independently. Those guidelines were made for the World, a hugely diverse place in terms of sanitation and education.

Each to their own and all that, continue breastfeeding if it's what you'd like to do but don't quote guidelines such as those.

I also cannot understand those who rigidly decide to hold off on solids til 6 months to the day. What do they think would happen to their child if they introduced solids at 5 months, 25 days? It's an arbitrary cut off point and should not be seen as a threshold.

This kind of stuff gets my goat.

[angryangryyoungwoman]

I'm still feeding my just turned 3 year old. It's not because I want to, although I do and appreciate the benefits to me, its because she wants to. For me, it's that simple

[Trifleorbust]

Popular: You're right, of course. Babies differ in terms of how early they want solid food. I was 4-5 months old and wanted actual dinners 😆

[witsender]

But as you say, they are getting the nutrition they need from cows milk
Why swap one milk for another if not needed? Besides it is more than nutrition...it has immune system benefits too. I thought you had some actual research on the subject as you sounded so definite.

Especially as many parents just go to follow on milk from formula, which is a rip off in itself.

I think if you bottle feed then dropping formula and bottles and moving to cows' milk can seem logical. If you are happily breastfeeding then dropping it for something less nutritionally dense just because seems illogical.

[Trifleorbust]

Witsender: I'm not arguing they can't have breast milk, but unequivocally, if another food meets their nutritional needs, they no longer need breast milk. And there are many reasons to swap, that should be perfectly obvious and which I am not about to go into here. You sound as though you want to get into a broader 'benefits' debate and I am not really interested in that. The nutritional facts are clear.

[Terrifiedandregretful]

I had such a hideous time the first 4 months of bfing I wanted to carry on as long as possible once we'd cracked it! I bristle at the assumption people sometimes make (not saying on this thread) that people who bf longer term are the people who found it easy from the first. I luckily didn't encounter people judging but then most people didn't know I was doing it as only fed dd morning and bedtime until she lost interest just past 2.

[witsender]

But they're not clear...where are they? I'm looking at the moment and can't find anything to say that there is no nutrition in BM after a year.

[Rockingaround]

Hi OP, I BF both of mine until they were 2.5, I had similar comments to you and it did rile me at times. I never quoted any guidelines but if someone was saying to my child that they were too big, I'd just politely explain that DD doesn't really understand what you're saying, as it's something she's always done, there's been lots of changes in her short life, teething, eating, waking, talking etc but the boobs have always been there, it's a comfort to her.

I'm my experience I couldn't stop BF until I honestly felt my children could understand and I could reason with them, especially with night feeding. So, once they were two I started talking and explaining to them, settling limits like "boobie only at bedtime, only in the morning" etc then over the next few months we gradually stopped.

You could just explain it like that to your relatives; that your daughter wouldn't understand if you stopped now and she'd get too upset, but, once you can reason with her, which is usually around two, you can start to wean her off.

Anyone that says BF past a year is to meet the needs of the mother has never had a child where only the boob will do and with holding said boob would result in a needless almighty tantrum that could last a long time.

Toddlers have tantrums because mummy says no, at this age we have to say no a lot, to keep them safe, you just can't handle weaning with the same approach, like the act of BF, stopping needs to be as gentle, loving and nurturing as possible.

NB - it's easier with your second as you have an excuse, I just used to say "oh well I did it for DD, it's only fair I do it the same way for DS". Now we're expecting our third in Feb, I think people may have given up asking - fingers crossed

[Greengoddess12]

Op just ignore and don't bother quoting.

I BF my last one until she was 18 months.

She had 4 older siblings and life was just too busy for bottles. I also couldn't face the giving up and they week of leaking and huge painful boobs.

Did have shocked looks off people but by baby 5 you really couldn't give a crap.
'
She's 15 now so stopped

[Rockingaround]

Sorry x post. IMO and experience it was never about nutrition ever

[Trifleorbust]

Oh FGS, Witsender: I think you are just being goofy. Unless you struggle to read, you must know that I didn't say there is no nutrition in breast milk after one year! Rather, the baby does not need to get their nutrition from breast milk (pr actually from formula) as their nutritional requirements can be met with solids and cow's milk. Now please read my posts before responding?

[Rockingaround]

Oh and it not the milk per se that they need either. IMO it's the comfort always. You know the security blankets, dummies, pacifiers, favourite toys that children absolutely need. Boobs are the same thing for them. My dad once travelled 20 miles to retrieve Nelly - my elephant, as my parents knew I wouldn't go to sleep without her.

[Rockingaround]

.... If only Nelly had been a boob, perhaps 😂

[GreyBird84]

I don't know why. No one dared say anything to me because I would tear strips out of them but I did occasionally feel a vibe.

Is it because by 1yr old a lot of babies are on their feet? And then seem more toddler than baby?

I BF DS until 17 months. Like OP I had a horrific start to BF but an amazing supply and I was determined to use it.

Pregnant with DC2 now & hope to BF past the year again too.

[Trifleorbust]

Rocking: That's true for some babies but not for others. It is inappropriate to suggest all 1 year olds need to be breastfed for comfort, because many babies simply don't. Babies differ.

[HesterBlue]

I think people question it because in their day (relatively recently) it was normal to stop at 12 months and thought odd to carry on; it was thought that extended BF would stop a toddler accepting a wide range of foods and that mothers who did it were doing it to meet their own needs rather than the baby's. Once their own children are past the baby stage most people don't realise that the current recommendations change really quickly and are a bit baffled that things are so different now. (It was all weaning by purees in my day, and BLW now, for example!)
I guess its just a case of gently pointing out that what you do is totally normal now, and completely in line with current recommendations? When and how you plan to stop is none of their business!

[Popularcontrarian]

In most cases when people are judgey about bf it's because of their own feelings of inadequacy for not feeding. But for those who choose to do extended breastfeeding, people aren't being being judgey for the same reasons.

I bf for 6 months and really couldn't care less if someone else decided to continue on. At the time I felt bad giving up, but for me and my baby it was definitely the right thing to do. I'm not even slightly jealous of those who continue on as i know I'd be a wreck if I was still feeding! The mental and physical pressure of feeding was very hard on me And I was definitely a better mummy when I wasn't feeding and my son was sleeping through. There comes a point when you have to weigh up the future potential health benefits of extended feeding and your own immediate mental health (for me anyway)

Best of luck with everything and try not to internalise what who feel others are thinking. Feel confident in your parenting decisions and you'll feel a lot better.

[ElspethFlashman]

After a year it's primarily for comfort.

People say that "it's for comfort when he's I'll/ he still needs the closeness/he's only little he needs his Mum"

Those of us who stopped before a year seem to manage to comfort our babies.....