To ask why some people are critical of breastfeeding past a year?

[LazyJournalistsShouldPissOff]

I have a 15 month old DD who still breastfeeds in the morning, and for comfort at other times as needed, for example when teething. Fwiw, I never "preach" about bf, DD also had formula at times, nor do I bf in front of anyone except DH these days as most of the time DD is happy to go all day without it. However, family members do ask me if I'm still feeding. Up to DD's first birthday most people were supportive of me bf (with a few exceptions) and said what a good start I had given her. Since then I have had the same people asking again, then on hearing I'm still bf start telling DD she needs to grow up, she's too old for it etc. She doesn't understand, but I find it really uncomfortable as clearly the comments are aimed at me.
I never intended to bf this long but I honestly think DD would be distraught if we stopped now, and there are so many benefits to her health that if it wasn't for the criticism I would feel happy to carry on for longer. However, knowing that family think it's odd makes me feel bad about it, even though rationally I know that it's really good for her! I started defending why I still bf in as diplomatic a way as I could but it's hard because I really don't want to offend anyone or make out I'm a better mum or anything like that and I know my MIL in particular sees the mere act of bf as a criticism of her because she didn't do it, as if me bf is to spite her. Anything I say will be used to bitch about me, as though I'm demonising formula. Even though we did use formula sometimes! But when people are critical of something that's actually really good for my DD I do want to defend my choice because I don't see how they could argue with science!
Why is it that some people become critical after a year of bf? And how do I explain the continued benefits that are making me stick with it without offending family members who didn't bf?

[Rockingaround]

I never suggested all babies but if you BF a baby and they coincidentally don't have a pacifier either they would generally find comfort in the boobs. It's absolutely reasonable to draw a direct comparison between the nutritional benefits of breast milk and formula or cows milk. However IMHO the physical act of a baby/toddler breastfeeding or drinking another type of milk via a bottle or sippy cup is not comparable. Of course, if a baby hasn't been breastfed or stopped breastfeeding before a year, of course they wouldn't be comforted by it; in the same sense that my now 7 year old DD wouldn't be comforted by it. However if you are breastfeeding - they do seek their ultimate solace in the act of breastfeeding, until you stop, then you learn together, new ways of overcoming upsetting moments.

[Lamaitresse]

I feel for you op, I had the same with ds and dd. Before a year it was like everyone was behind me and quietly cheering me on, but once they were one I felt like I had to almost keep it quiet as people were obviously uncomfortable with it. It's such a shame.
I stopped feeding ds at 15 months, because we wanted to try for another baby, and with dd I stopped at 17 months on the morning I was admitted to hospital for two weeks with hyperemisis. I still want to cry thinking about it... Looking back at both times I wish we had carried on for a bit longer - sod what everyone else thinks, and do what you feel is right for you and your daughter. In future years you might regret it if you don't.
As far as the explanations go you shouldn't have to justify your actions to anyone. If your MIL has a problem with it, it because it's her problem, not yours!

[Rockingaround]

And for the record I don't think nutritionally there's that much difference in the benefits either, id have happily given my babies formula if I'd needed to.

[scallopsrgreat]

I BF until my youngest was 2 1/2. I can assure it wasn't about my needs . He would still BF now if I'd let him (5 yrs old).

I stopped because I went away on a course for several days and it seemed like an opportunity. In hindsight, given how much he missed it I would have probably carried on until he made the decision to stop.

There are plenty of benefits, nutritional and otherwise for breastfeeding longer than this society deems to see as appropriate.

[Trifleorbust]

Rocking: You are very welcome to observe that that was the case for your own babies, but it doesn't necessarily correspond to the experiences of others.

[ThumbWitchesAbroad]

I can't answer why, because both of mine went til around 2y. Ds1 stopped at 23mo, Ds2 at 25mo. It was just how it went - it was quite a natural stop in both cases, didn't take long. By then they were both on last-thing-at-night and possibly first thing in the morning feeds only, not during the night or day.

It wasn't particularly for my benefit, except that it made it easier to get them to sleep at night, I suppose.

DH was a bit off about it with Ds1, but less so about Ds2. I'm a strong believer in doing what feels right for you and your baby, within bounds of "normal range", I suppose (so not keeping it going past school age, that really does feel a bit "weird" to me, although I know some do it).

[LazyJournalistsShouldPissOff]

I have been thinking about it all and reading the posts. I know you can never please everyone and I'm not expecting my family to be patting me on the back about it, and certainly my MIL will never have praise for anything I do, but it's the PA criticism that gets me, and that they seem to have decided that what was once a good thing, overnight became something I needed to stop. I don't like the idea of being discussed with raised eyebrows when what I'm doing is continuing with something perfectly natural that actively benefits DD, whom they all love. If they were raising eyebrows that she is sometimes allowed sugar then OK, it's none of their business, but sugar is unnecessary, unhealthy and they would have a valid criticism, backed up by science. The benefits of bf are backed up by science, they don't magically stop at 1, and it annoys me that actually my family would probably be much more encouraging of DD having sugar at this age than of her having breast milk! So they are making me feel like I'm not a good enough mum because I'm bf for "too long". I wish it was more widely publicised that whilst it isn't necessary to bf over a year (or indeed at all), it is nevertheless good for the child if you do carry it on, so not something to be looked at as weird.

[teaandbiscuitsforme]

Where is this research to stay it's 'just' for comfort or not nutritionally beneficial?

Even if a 1yr+ is eating and drinking a healthy balanced diet, the research states that including breastmilk in that balanced diet is overwhelmingly beneficial because of all the nutrients that are found in breastmilk (specifically designed for that child) that aren't found elsewhere.

And the WHO guidelines have nothing to do with the country that a child is born in. They apply to all children. Just because women choose to meet their child's needs through breastfeeding does not mean that they are judging women who choose to raise their child differently.

[Rockingaround]

I never said it corresponds with the experiences of others. With BF we only have our own experiences. In the sharing of those experiences, especially for new mothers, we can open up our concepts of "normal" and " acceptable". I posted I this thread to give the OP my experiences which are directly related to the difficulties with her family she's having at the moment. I hope my response made her feel a little bit stronger in tackling their comments. Why did you post Trifle?

[witsender]

I'm not being goofy at all. You are suggesting that babies don't need BM past a year because they can drink cows milk. I have said that it would seem silly to.swap if BM is working fine, as the latter is nutritionally superior. The only logic to your argument would be if cows milk was more nutritionally dense than BM, which it isn't

[witsender]

I too would have happily given formula had I needed to, however I wouldn't have chosen it, or cows milk without there being any other factors at play.

[Trifleorbust]

I posted because I found the question interesting.

[ElspethFlashman]

tea I'd agree with you if someone could tell the difference between a child breastfed to 18 months and a child breastfed to say, 8 months.

But could anyone?

[ReallyTired]

Both my children developed eczema when introduced to cows milk. At one years old neither of them had many teeth. They needed milk. They didn't get on with dairy products until they were older.

Ds was weaned at two and half years old, dd self weaned at 22 months. In both cases weaning happened gradually. Stories and cuddles gradually replaced breastfeeding.

Neither my children cared what the NHS or the WHO thought. They followed their own timetable for child development.

[Trifleorbust]

No, Witsender: the logic is that they don't need it. If a need can be met in a number of ways, it is logical that you do not need to meet it in one specific way. I don't really care whether you think 'breast is best' - that's just your way of judging other mums and it's your baggage to carry. The facts are clear: nutritionally, the needs of a 1 year old can usually be met without giving them breast milk or formula.

[ReallyTired]

"he facts are clear: nutritionally, the needs of a 1 year old can usually be met without giving them breast milk or formula."

The nutritional needs of a thirty eight year old can be met without giving them chocolate or wine.

The fact is that many toddlers love breastfeeding. If the mothers are happy to feed their toddler then it's really no one else's business. I can see no evidence that my two children were harmed by extended breastfeeding.

[Rockingaround]

Absolutely Wit. I was lucky that I didn't have to make that choice either. Elspeth I suspect they couldn't. Although this is quite an interesting read and If you were interested there are many similar papers leading on from it.
www.sciencenews.org/blog/growth-curve/backwash-nursing-babies-may-trigger-infection-fighters

[Trifleorbust]

Tired: I am fully aware that some people disapprove of giving a toddler cow's milk and solids and weaning them off breast milk. I don't personally care whether they choose to do this or not. Nutrition-wise, it's fine. Go to the NHS site and check.

[Horsepower9]

It is totally your choice and I wouldn't even discuss it with them.
As for telling your DD to 'grow up' I think that is horrid. It really is non of their business. I fed my last DD for 12 months and would have gone longer except she kept biting me! She was only feeding for comfort really first thing in morning and last thing at night/bedtime. I really enjoyed the closeness of it as did she but for the sake of my poor nipples (the left one especially for some reason) I weaned her off within the week. I remember the subject came up in conversation at my toddler group and one of the mums called me weird for still breastfeeding when my child had teeth as she said that teeth are a clear sigh she should be on solids! (she incidentally had bottle fed her Ds). Obviously no notice was taken. At the end of the day don't let anyone make you feel bad because it's your body and your DD! Do what's right for you.

[Popularcontrarian]

Teaandbiscuitsforme whatever you might think but a cursory glance over the WHO guidelines lists indicates the emphasis on the developing world. Half the guidelines relate to Hepatitis, HIV and malaria! (Thankfully) Not exactly issues most have to deal with in Western Europe

www.who.int/publications/guidelines/atoz/en/

[LifeLong13]

I write this as I bf my 15 month DD. We're still bfing because it's what she wants and I don't mind. It works for us.

[Hufflepuffin]

I only mentioned the WHO guidelines because sometimes something like that shuts people up who are basing their opinion that a child shouldn't breastfeed on complete nonsense like the mother is getting off on it. I think it is an eye opening fact for people who maybe weaned their own children at 8 weeks!

Also, I think a lot of people (in my experience) assume that if you're still BFing a 15/16/18 month old, you're OBVIOUSLY going to be one of those WEIRDOES who still BFs at 5. I think mentioning it gives the idea you might stop around two (without actually saying as much).

[Popularcontrarian]

Lifelong you have the perfect attitude. That's how all women should feel about their bf choices; it's what you both want to do, it works for you. End of story! Having to justify your decisions via science etc shouldn't be necessary.

[nolongersurprised]

I bf 2 of my 4 DC until nearly 3 years, it was a total non event for me for the last year or so of that, with just a feed a day for the last year or so. (The other 2 self weaned at about 14 months). My mother was vehemently pro breastfeeding until about 10 months when she suddenly deemed it was time that they "grew up" or something.

Luckily I don't really give a shit about my mother's parenting advice (she's also an anti-vax, conspiracy theory type). I don't even consider my extending bfing a parenting choice, just something that kept going until they decided to stop

[Hufflepuffin]

(weirdoes was their words, not mine! I couldn't give a shit how anyone feeds their kids) (ok I think BFing a ten year old is a bit weird)