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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this is a bit cheeky?

21 replies

Skimpyfd · 07/11/2016 03:58

Flat mates boyfriend (who I like) sleeps at our house a lot and she doesn't stay at his. Fine, no problem with that.

But then earlier this week his family member and their dp came over for dinner at our house - he cooked, me and other flat mates joined them, but is that not pushing it a bit?? I just wanted a quiet evening!!!

OP posts:

Original poster

Skimpyfd · 07/11/2016 04:00

There was no pre-warning either - they were just there when I arrived home

OP posts:

SuperManStoleMyPants · 07/11/2016 04:05

I would be more annoyed at him staying a lot but not contributing to bills. Then again that depends on what a lot is.

Could you not have declined dinner with them if you wanted a quiet evening?

Original poster

Skimpyfd · 07/11/2016 04:08

About five/six nights a week.

Yes true, but just thought it was cheeky hosting people in a house which isn't even yours...! I could have declined but thought it would seem rude and everyone was in lounge/dining room - I have a small room and didn't want to just go up there.

OP posts:

EasterRobin · 07/11/2016 04:09

So your flatmate had some members of her boyfriend's family over for dinner? Regardless of who cooked, that seems ok to me. You should've been told in advance though.

SuperManStoleMyPants · 07/11/2016 04:12

So he is basically living there for free. I would say that's the true cheek.

Was your flat mate not there hosting too? If it's just him, yeah that's cheeky, if both not so much.

Does he have a key?

EasterRobin · 07/11/2016 04:12

Just read your update. That seems a lot of nights to be staying at yours. And does make it seem more like he might be viewing the place as his own.

TheDowagerCuntess · 07/11/2016 04:24

I wouldn't see anything wrong with it - except - not running it by you beforehand. That was rude.

Can you talk to your flat mate about it?

MidniteScribbler · 07/11/2016 04:38

If he's staying that much, there will be an increase in your utility bills. I'd be telling the flatmate that it's time he started paying his way.

Geretrude · 07/11/2016 04:48

It's because he's staying there so much that they think this is okay. They're acting like it's their flat and you're the lodger!

DeathStare · 07/11/2016 05:34

Was the flatmate also at the dinner? If she was I think that's fine. If she wasn't I agree it was very cheeky. But then given how often he stays, I think he's actually living there and hasn't told you.

Bruce02 · 07/11/2016 06:15

Your flatmate should have run it by the others that live there, assuming you run guests past them too.

I don't find it odd that your flatmate wanted to host some of her boyfriends family.

I would be annoyed he is living there for free though.

Batteriesallgone · 07/11/2016 06:30

He needs to start contributing 1/3 of bills and although it's not appropriate to sublet, he should still be bunging some extra money your way. You pay rent on the understanding it's a two person flat, if it's actually three person that should be cheaper for you (not as much living space, increased noise etc makes the flat less desirable).

The meal is a red herring. It's the setup that's cheeky.

Batteriesallgone · 07/11/2016 06:32

Oh just seen it's not a two person flat. Still, same principles apply

SerendipityPhenomenon · 07/11/2016 07:03

It was ridiculous not to check it with you and the other flatmates first. Supposing you'd been planning to entertain also?

icelollycraving · 07/11/2016 07:46

I think he is staying so frequently that the boundaries are a little blurred. I think you need to talk to her on a rare night when he's not there. If you have other flat mates could you see how they feel. Has she been there longer?

Bluntness100 · 07/11/2016 08:00

Five six nights a week then he pretty much lives there, difficult situation.

However do uou want them to move out and get their own place? Or is that your worst nightmare? Because starting to ask he pays rent and that it's jot ok for his family over then that's where it may end up.

I'd tread carefully based on what you want to happen.

Trifleorbust · 07/11/2016 08:11

I agree that is quite cheeky. You need to have a discussion about your additional flatmate - sounds like he lives there to me.

expatinscotland · 07/11/2016 08:27

What's cheeky is that you've got another flatmate who doesn't pay his share of the rent and bills. He had his family member and their DP there because he lives at your flat.

SpunkyMummy · 07/11/2016 08:35

She probably should have told beforehand, yes.

However, I probably would be annoyed by himmstaying over this often.

ThatGingerOne · 07/11/2016 08:44

I live in a student flat share - if you want someone to stay over it can't be more that 2 nights and if we have anyone over we have to give the flatmates 24hours notice & that person has to bring their own food/only eat that flatmates food. Basic consideration and also in the contracts (not the food bit but we made it a general rule that the flatmate also has to replace anything the guest takes i.e communal milk.).

I'd be telling my flatmate to reduce the times he's there to 2 nights and to give you notice if having anyone over. To be fair she might be friendly with his family and that's why she's having them - if its clearly just him hosting I would have flipped.

SpunkyMummy · 07/11/2016 09:46

thatginger

Same. We were allowed to have somebody stay over night up to twelve nights a month. And had to out 1.5 £ in the loo roll/soap dish/cleaner jar....

But if the guests went home before ten pm we didn't need to inform anybody beforehand.

But I somehow doubt the OP can establish rules like that now... seeing as this behaviour has already become normal.

Flip