To walk out on my life

[PlayOnWurtz]

I've forgotten how to have fun. Dh says he's too old at 35 to have fun any more. I've been too ill to maintain my friendships so I have no friends. My dc is at that age where nothing I do or they do is right and it's all a catastrophe needing doors slamming and tears and "you don't understand me!". Work is beyond awful, it's a field of work I love. I love the industry but I hate my employer and I hate my team. We are skint. We have been ttc for more years than I'd care to mention and can't afford private treatment but as there is a child in the family we get no help from the NHS.

I just want to pack it all up and run away from everyone and everything around me and if I have to do everything myself I may as well do it somewhere hot or pretty or interesting or just not here.

Oh Lord that sounds grim. Is the order you've written your post in the order of priorities for you to try and sort out?

Subconsciously it probably is. But in reality it's probably from bottom up really.

You poor thing. Sounds like you're having a really rough time of it at the moment.

I can empathise with the friends thing. I've been ill for the past seven years and a lot of my friends drifted away, when you don't have the energy to do basic everyday tasks more complex things like maintaining friendships fall by the wayside.

At 35 your husband is very young to say he's past having fun. Is there any chance he could be depressed? Has ttc taken an emotional toll on both of you?

It's horrible isn't it. I "joked" to dh that if Id had cancer I'd have more friends than I'd know what to do with as people like the kudos of a friend with cancer, as it is I just have a boring chronic illness. Sorry if that offends it's my dark humour.

I think ttc may be part of the issue. I've suggested we draw a line under it now and move on but dh is all "just another month or two and we'll see"