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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not invite her to dd's party after this.

37 replies

justalittlelemondrizzle · 06/11/2016 19:39

The dd's have had a really good friend on our road for the last year. Anyway to cut a long story short they had a falling out in August due to another girl stirring things and manipulating their friend. This really upset dd1 especially. With her friend being rude to her and deleting her on their little apps they play games on. Anyway, this girl was supposed to be inviting the dd's to her birthday party and but then they fell out so they obviously didn't get invited. The girl made a her party (at home) obvious to dd's. Dancing in front of the windows and outside etc to deliberately upset them. The girl made it obvious on party day trying to upset dds. Fast forward 3 months and just before dd's and another mutual friends birthday/party. (she fell out with mutual friend too at the same time)
The girl has decided she wants to be friends with them all again. And has just told dd that she's going to try to get her mum to get her invited to "mutual friends" party that has been arranged for ages. Which means she expects to now be invited to dd's. Both parties not pay per head or anything.
AIBU to think in no uncertain terms will we be inviting this girl to our party or are we going to look like arseholes. They're all 9 btw.

OP posts:

Strongmummy · 06/11/2016 22:00

Again I'm not sure how getting involved in the politics helps. Who knows what's going on in that child's head that makes her behave the way she does. It's simple. If you're daughter wants her there invite her. If not, don't

Ameliablue · 06/11/2016 23:43

Some of the comments are really harsh, if she has a history of being mean, falling out, making up etc then maybe you'd have a reason to discourage the friendship but your op sounded as if this is the first hurdle in the friendship, albeit a major one. Surely you also want to teach your children about compassion and forgiveness.

SheSparkles · 06/11/2016 23:52

If it's what your DDs want is be inclined to invite her. Then again I'd also be inclined to take an opportunity to speak to her alone at the party and make her aware that you see right through her and you have her eye on her.

I may have been through similar with my dd and a girl who lives across the road about 10 years ago....

AmeliaJack · 07/11/2016 04:42

She didn't invite your DD to her last party and has been nasty to her for 3 months?

You are under no obligation to invite her to your DD's party.

Personally hell would freeze over before she was invited if I was in your shoes.

Who exactly will you look bad to? And why would you care?

BabyJakeHatersClub · 07/11/2016 07:03

"She just wants to be invited to the party 😞
I'd let her learn how mean she has been."

This.

9 years old is enough for her to need to learn that there are long and short terms consequences for your actions.

Believeitornot · 07/11/2016 07:17

Now the last time I checked, not many 9 years olds are mature enough to fully appreciate (and I mean fully) the consequences of their actions. I feel sorry for this 9 year old who clearly has awful parents.

However you're not faring much better unless you explain to your dd exactly what the issue is and why you don't want her there. You're being petty and you know it.
Speak to your dd about healthy friendships and what is and isn't acceptable.
If she has been obsessed, I would wonder why.

Have you spoken to the school?

Whocansay · 07/11/2016 07:26

The child is a bully. It is likely that if she comes she will do something to try to ruin the party for your DD and is also likely to drop your DD like a stone immediately afterwards.

I remember girls like this from school. They were horrible. A 9 year old knows full well when they are being unkind. She deliberately tried to rub your DD's face in it with her party. Don't let this girl into your house.

Bubblegum18 · 07/11/2016 07:30

Kids fall out I never understand why parents get over involved in friendships at that age. Gosh I was always falling out and making up at that age. I agree you seem overly invested in their friendship

blinkineckmum · 07/11/2016 07:48

You are the grown up. Surely you can be the bigger person and teach them all kindness and compassion? Isn't it easier to be friends with neighbours if you possibly can be? If your daughters want her there and you say no, you're teaching them how to be bitter.

CocktailQueen · 07/11/2016 08:59

She didn't invite your DD to her last party and has been consistently nasty to her for 3 months?

No way would I invite her. You say that your dc flourished after this girl wasn't in their lives any more - why would you let her back in? She's a nasty bully.

Original poster

justalittlelemondrizzle · 07/11/2016 10:30

Thanks everyone for your replies. It seems to be a mixed bag of responses. I'm usually a very forgiving person. Sometimes too forgiving. The dd's are the same. I am angry at the way they were treated and I don't want them to be tossed aside again once the parties are over. I think I'll just have to monitor things over the next couple of weeks and make a decision as close to the party as possible. One thing is for sure. Things will not be going back to the way they were before the fall out.

OP posts:

HarryPottersMagicWand · 07/11/2016 11:56

We live near a child who is the same age as mine, for the first time. There weren't any in our old house. I have been quite keen not to push a friendship because this is precisely the sort of stuff I don't want to deal with in my own home. It's hard though as DS was invited to this child's party earlier this year and this child did call frequently over the summer. Problem is they are younger, too young to play outside and we live on a busy road. I have said no each time as I know if I give it, it will escalate and I'll struggle to have reasons to say no once the barrier is broken. Other child hasn't taken it well and had a foot stamping tantrum at my door and tried to walk straight into my house. This thread has reminded me to stick to my guns.

I think it's a very good lesson for your DDs to not let someone walk all over them. They are obviously completely different from this girl, and sound kindhearted. Unfortunately people like this girl will always take advantage of people like your DDs and this could be a good life lesson in how to stand up for themselves.

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