to ask how to deal with my messy flatmate?

[sarnpag]

I really like her but she constantly leaves her things spread around the kitchen; she's not terribly messy but quite messy. She always leaves her food (packaged but still) out on the counter rather than putting it back in her cupboard; unwashed plates on the side, and takeaways out on the side festering. I always chuck them when they get too old/put her dishes in the dishwasher/empty dishwasher and draining board/empty bins. These jobs take about 5 mins and at first I didnt mind doing them, but she hasnt seemed to clock that I keep doing it - I thought shed have the good grace to be embarrassed?

I like having a really tidy, clutter-free kitchen but accept that everyone's different, which is why I haven't nagged. I'm also v confrontation-averse. But I feel like it's only polite to clean up after yourself (our agreement when we moved in); I'm more annoyed as well because she has her aunt staying over this weekend, so they have both been eating takeaways, filling the bin up to beyond full, leaving things on the side and clearly neither can be arsed to walk five steps and take it outside! The surfaces are covered in crumbs and general waste and yet again it was me who put all their stuff in the dishwasher... :/ My mum/aunt would be the opposite and have spent the weekend cleaning!

Unless you are prepared to talk to her and ask her to clean up after herself she can't be expected to know you are upset.

Tell her nicely that she doesn't seem to realise that you are continually cleaning up after her and give concrete examples such as the overflowing bin. Ask her to agree to wipe down and put food away as she goes along and generally leave the place as she found it. It would drive me mad.

Rotas are all very well but this sounds more like the day to day stuff that most people do without even noticing.

Talk, be specific and don't accept vague answers like, 'I will try.'

There are three options.

1. Have it out with her and hope it doesn't make your relationship hell.
2. Carry on as you are and just put up with it.
3. Ignore her mess and just clean the things you are responsible for. You'll have to get used to living in a pigsty though.

My advice is the same piece of advice I was given when I first shared a house with friends: for every half-dozen bad habits your housemate pisses you off with, there will be six things that you do that infuriate them.

From personal experience I would try to remain calm and just rise above it, but that's easier said than done when you're living through it.

FeliciaJollygoodfellow

Not being funny Jazzberry but I kind of think that when one person is impacting all the common areas which is horrible and probably quite upsetting for everyone else because they are too lazy to tidy up, then they forfeit the right to expect to have their privacy respected.

Exactly! And I clearly stated that I did not actually step into her room but piled it up by her threshold. Leaving rubbish etc, not to mention some even more gross feminine hygiene items around is utterly disrespectful. Especially, when they are staying in your place. In the OP's case it might be slightly different as she is sharing rather than staying in her place. But I have no patience for any grown woman or man for that matter to treat my place like one large rubbish tip. I'm not their therapist and we all have issues. So I don't think leaving half eaten takeaway containers or other crap merits any special consideration. If you haven't picked it up at home then it is high time to learn it.