Is this normal or AIBU?

[AgainPlease]

DH dropping off DSS (12) to his mums house.

I get home and see the following:

Newly purchase nerf gun packaging scattered on staircase
Nerf gun on the floor in entrance hall
Nerf gun balls scattered all over sitting room floor
Empty & half-empty Chinese takeaway bowls on coffee table
Coffee table covered in sticky sauce
Cutlery covered in sticky sauce stuck to coffee table
Rice on the carpet
Go downstairs, clean dishes in dishwasher un-emptied
Dirty dishes scattered around the kitchen
Grocery shopping left on dining table
Lid of cookie jar LEFT NEXT TO the cookie jar. I mean how fucking hard is it to put a lid back on a cookie jar? Fuck sake.

AIBU in thinking this is too much and DH and DSS should have made a token effort of tidying up? At least pick up the fucking wet rice off the carpet.

Or is this just standard kid mess?

Why's it a drama? A bit of mess that takes a maximum of 20 minutes to clean up. Unless there is form for doing this on a regular basis, then I think you're over reacting.

Sounds like your DH suddenly realised the time and rushed off!

Just leave it for him to sort. It's hardly a big deal. He was having fun with his son and can sort it when he gets back.

(And I say that as someone with two step kids)

And no don't hide the sodding gun!

As a one off it's fine, if this is typical than it's down right disrespectful that both of them think that tidying is "woman's work" and beneath them...

I think if your ds is only at yours for short periods - I can see why dh didn't sort the mess. I would however expect him to come home and tidy up

I'm not proud to admit this, but my dh is a bit like this, and I'm afraid to say I do just clean it up. I know I shouldn't, but for me it's not a battle worth having.

So you've never been in a rush to get somewhere and thought "ffs I'll just tidy this shit up when I get home"?

It's one meal that hasn't been tidied up yet, in the grand scheme of things. Your DH probably came home ready to clear up only to find his martyr of a wife had already done it just so she could whinge about 'having to do it' when nobody actually asked or expected her to.

You're overreacting, lHTH.

Except it wasn't just one meal. Read the OP.

Nerf gun, bullets and packageing lying on floor spread over stairs, hallway and living room.

Take away dishes, cutlery and sauce on coffee table, rice on the sodding carpet!

Groceries left sitting out

Dirty dishes left out when there was a dishwasher there to be used if he could be bothered to empty it.

And a lid left off a jar.

Smacks of a lazy ass day. Which is fine, we all have them. But you don't leave it for someone else to come home to. That stuff would have taken less than 5 minutes to sort.

I would have assumed he was intending to clear up when he came back because it would be easier without DSS there. I would have gone up to my bedroom with a book and waited for him to come back and sort it.

I can understand it's frustrating, but I also think it's difficult to have a partner who won't accept half an hour with a mess until you get back to sort it because you're rushing about. Unless, as others said, it's a regular thing.

Please don't hide the gun. It's not his fault his Dad wasn't organised so it's not fair to punish him.

It's normal. I wouldn't care. I'd leave him to tidy it up when he got back. Or do a bit myself and leave the rest. Really, it wouldn't bother me at all. It's nice that they had fun, they probably forgot the time and he left in a hurry.

To add, I'd be less impressed by an immaculate house, and a child playing on an Xbox all day!

It's normal in my house - however I don't have dss - I would just view it as part of family life ?? We have fun and food and everything gets cleared up eventually .

Wow. I'd much rather live with someone who occasionally leaves the house in a bit of a mess than live with someone who makes such a fuss about it. Is he expecting you to clean it up or are you just assuming that? Is the "wet rice" covering the entire carpet or are you in fact able to use most of the living room? If the sight of the leftover takeaway offends you so much, is there absolutely no other room in the house you can be in until your DH gets back and clears up? YABVU

YANBU - it's not reasonable to leave the place in that state.

And really, how hard is it to put the lid back on things? Or pick stuff up off the floor?

DH would possibly do this, but DS1 (8) would rein him in. Even the 4yo would be picking the packaging off the floor and putting it in the bin!

I think, if I had come in to that, I would also have just left again and not returned until after DH - let him fucking deal with his own shit!!

Surely most of those things are things you tidy as you go? Rice on the floor, for example. Why would you just leave it there until later? If you put the lid straight back on the cookie jar you don't have to remember it later - why complicate things?

It reminds me of my ex cooking. Kitchen looked like a bomb had gone off, leaving a huge mess to clean, and the mess would sort of multiply itself. Because he'd do stuff like shove veg peelings to the side rather than simply tip the chopping board into the bin, so all surfaces would be covered, stuff would go on the floor and get trodden around etc.

It's not ideal to come home to and I can see why you're annoyed but I'm with captain really, assuming he has realised the time and had to rush off.

We went to a party recently and the mess the house was in before we went was insane - we'd not had time to clean up from lunch or put away toys and left debris from our last minute fancy dress making all over the table and floor before we rushed out. Admittedly our kids are younger and rather demanding but we just tidied it when we got back.

I do think YWBU cleaning it up yourself then making a big deal of it to DP.

Obviously I don't know back story but I'd rather my dp spent time playing with his kids if he had limited time with them and cleared up after they'd gone.

This :
"Obviously I don't know back story but I'd rather my dp spent time playing with his kids if he had limited time with them and cleared up after they'd gone."

Every minute my DP has with his kids is precious. I would be happy for him to make the most of them.

I can be the same when my kids get back from their dads. I just want to get stuck in playing with them and leave sorting any mess for later.

My step kids complain that when they get dropped back at their mums the first thing she does is rush off to do more jobs, rather than spend time with them.

How is food all over the floor and sauce all over the coffee table normal eating unless the child's a toddler? Or you have incredibly low standards? Leaving that is not really like leaving your lunch plates stacked up in the kitchen to sort later because you need to get going, which is understandable.

Normal if you're a clatty fucker. They know you're a mug, so hey, why bother even wiping your arse if you know Again will come and do it for you?

I think people must have different experiences of a 12 year old than I have (well mine is 11.5) they don't need or even want their parent's full attention. They are fully capable of ignoring entertaining themselves for 5 minutes while dad shoves a few containers in the bin. In the time it took DSS to put his gun and rubbish away and out his shoes and coat on the dad would have had his take away dishes and rice lifted. It really wouldn't be a case of the 12 year old having to spend all day on the Xbox for dad to have achieved this.

'I think people must have different experiences of a 12 year old than I have (well mine is 11.5) they don't need or even want their parent's full attention. They are fully capable of ignoring entertaining themselves for 5 minutes while dad shoves a few containers in the bin. In the time it took DSS to put his gun and rubbish away and out his shoes and coat on the dad would have had his take away dishes and rice lifted.'

Why is your kid not doing this himself? I rip mine a new head for leaving stuff lying around like this because it's fucking disrespectful to leave stuff like that, food all over the floor, etc. They're perfectly capable of throwing rubbish in the bin. DS is 8 and has ASD and he gets up and puts rubbish in the bin when he stands to leave the table. It's not Dad's or Mum's job.

What Francis and Expat said.

At 12, I'd be horrified if my DSs thought this was an ok scenario. They should be well able to pick their own crap off the floor, not leave it scattered - even if they had to suddenly leave the house, this is stuff that didn't happen in the last 5 minutes prior, it's what's been happening over several hours.
Packaging should have gone straight into the bin, by the 12yo. There is NO excuse for him not having done this (assuming NT, and even then not much if he's not NT)
Food on the floor - fuck that, that should have been cleaned up straight away! Either by 12yo or by his dad. Or both! not just bloody left there. They could have bonded over the rice clearing-up, instead of allowing the rice to bond with the carpet.

I'm never impressed with the idea that children shouldn't be asked to help clear/tidy up - of course they should! How will they ever learn, if it's not impressed upon them that they are part of the household, part of the creation of the mess, so they should also be part of the solution. Mine both help with stacking and emptying the dishwasher, putting away laundry, and the bigger one lays the table and does a few other things. It's hardly onerous work; but it shows them that they need to do it too.

I'd be waiting by the front door with the Nerf gun for DH to come home...

It's a mess and been left without any thought to what you have to come home to. Do you think DH realised you'd be home and greeted with this mess before he got back? Maybe he was banking in getting back and tidying up before you returned?

Think I wouldn't go mad if this was a one off but I would explain that it's a shitty way to leave the house with little regard for you. If it happened again then the nerf gun and bullets would end up being "dropped" from a great height as I was cleaning up and somehow end up in the rubbish a bin. As for the Chinese Food, well maybe the sticky sauce would find its way onto something that really mattered of DH's. I'd make it clear today that this is what would happen in the future just so DH is aware.