about mothers' day?
rolledhedgehog · 12/02/2007 10:44
Just to set the scene, DH and I have a DS of 4 and a DD of 21 months.
Yesterday DH's brother rang 'to speak to DH about football'. After the he got off the phone DH told me that it was about the football tickets that he told me about - he didn't. The match is where the inlaws live - 2 hours drive away from us. Seemingly the match is on mother's day but that it was ok because he has arranged for the kids to go round to play with his mate's children (7 and 4)and since his mate is also going to football his wife will look after them all. I suppose he thought that I would not mind him going to football on mothers' day as I would have time to myself to wander around his home town (wow!).
I do mind. My mum died almost three years ago and I really don't like mothers' day much. The only thing that I do like is spending a nice day with DH and the kids. I can't let DD go around to his mate's house. She has seperation anxiety and will be too upset - even if I did want to spend the time alone - which I don't!
I would not mind DH going another time - he hardly ever goes out. I am not even trying to stop him this time but I do feel really sad and let down so would like some ackonwledgement of this from him but not getting it! He did offer to not go but then that makes me look like a cow to BIL and his mate. I do think it is ok for their wives though as they have the option of spending the day with their own mums.
Am I being a cow?
NAB3 · 12/02/2007 10:47
Well my hubby woulodn't go and get new tyres today as it is my birthday. I have told him to though and he has gone. The point is there are some things that need to be donw, regardless of what day it is. This is a football match. Is it a cup final or something major? He probably didn't tell you on purpose. Sorry. So you would just have to agree.
If he doesn't go, and you spend the day together, is it going to be a nice day or is he going to make you feel guilty? If so, you may as well spend the day on your own with the children.
kittywaitsfornumber6 · 12/02/2007 10:55
I think sometimes you have to accept that things often don't turn out as we would like. Most men are very inept when it comes to thinking about women's emotional needs.
Try not to make a big issue of doing something on that particular day. Why not arrange to do something the sunday before or after. It is only a day and what is most important is that you do something as a family to acknowledge you as a mum and for you to celebrate your own mother, her love and acheivements. It doesn't have to be on a certain day. Mother's day is celebrated on different days in different countries anyway so it is relatively meanigless in that sense.
sunnysideup · 12/02/2007 11:03
just ignore mothers day - forget it. It's not REAL it's just made up for commerical purposes. HOWEVER having a day when dh and the kids think about how much they love you and what you do for them is GOOD. It just doesn't have to be on the day the card companies decide.
As you say, your dh doesn't go out much so the football thing is good. You can spend the day with your kids, an ordinary sunday.....but I think you should chat to your DH about the fact that you would like a spcial mother's day, just for you; tell him when (the following sunday?) and tell him what you want him and the kids to do.
I think it's great that they show you some appreciation, just don't worry about this one particular day.
I don't make anything of it personally - and have told dh not to make ds do anything. When he is a little older (he's 4) he will no doubt become aware of it, and if he wants to do something on his own initiative, I will be delighted - other than that, it's not 'real' to me.
GrumpyOldHorsewoman · 12/02/2007 11:18
I agree with NAB3 there. If he didn't go and stayed at home, the day would possibly be charged with resentment and not particularly nice for anyone. It is a shame, because often (and I know I generalise a bit here, based on my own family/DH) men don't pay a great deal of attention to what is important to their partners, particularly if it interferes with something else they would rather be doing. I doubt he purposely witheld the information, but simply neglected to mention it. His 'solution' makes sense to him, but is way off-target as far as you are concerned. Don't set too much stock in Mother's Day anyway. I know its poignancy for you as you lost your mother, but just remember, it is just another day, and appreciation for you can be shown on any day at any time. Just ignore the date, and make it like any other. Have your 'mother's day' at some time when everything isn't overpriced/restaurants booked out etc etc. Apart from anything else, it would be more spontaneous and genuine, not just conforming to tradition.
NightWotcher · 11/11/2022 00:05
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