DH and I both have landmark birthdays in the new year. We don't normally go in for big celebrations but decided we would for once. Our DCs have grown up and left home as have the DCs of our close friends and families. We thought it would be lovely to get the old crowd together. We are still all friends but more scattered now. DH and I still live in the place where we were brought up. We have made a provisional booking of the village hall and some caterers.
A and I have been best friends since we were 5. She began dating DH's brother not long after DH and I got together. We got married and had DCs and so did they. 15 years into the marriage A's DH had an affair and after a messy few months prevaricating he left her for the OW. It was a horrible time. We managed to tread the fine line of staying friends with both of them. BiL and OW married 10 years ago. OW hasn't been the most loving of step mothers and for a while the DCs refused to see their dad but it's been glossed over now and pretty civilised.
A was heartbroken but time heals and she is now married to a lovely man who was instrumental in healing the rift between the DCs and their DF.
BiL has told DH that his DW says that she won't come if A is there and that he feels he won't be able to either, in that case. DH wants his DB there but it's his choice not to come and A has been more than a sister to me for many years.
I'm going to sound like a bitch now but the years have not been as kind to BiL's DW as they have to A. A's DH is very well off and since they married her lifestyle has changed dramatically from the early struggles when her marriage broke up and she had to fight for money for the DCs. Bil's DW is jealous of her change of circumstances and often makes barbed remarks.
DH and I rarely argue but we are about this. He says family should come first, despite us being close friends with A and her DH. I've said invite all and if some choose not to come then that's up to them.
AIBU?