To refuse my ex contact after this threatening visit...

[OneTiredMummmyyy]

I finally left my ex P this week. He was EA and there was one physical assualt where police were called several months ago. I am a SAHM to two DC under 3.

Ex predictably kicked off when I ended it and stormed out. I called his dad and asked him to keep ex away as he is volatile. His dad agreed as he didn't want police attending again as ex had already been cautioned by them.

Anyway, yesterday ex said he wanted to return to the ( jointly owned) property to stay as we need to talk and he can't keep living out of a suitcase. I said no after speaking with my sol and told him I am fearful of him and if he returned I have been told to call the police. My solicitor wrote him an email to this effect.

Yesterday two members of ex's family came round unexpectedly and I let them in like an idiot. Cue nearly an hour of accusations in front of me, DC and DM who has come to support me. They were aggressive, nasty and very confrontational as I am not doing things "amicably" enough and have dared to instruct solicitors. They said all my EA accusations about ex are made up and said I was mentally unstable!! I called the police as they refused to leave and followed me around the house. Police were great and removed them quickly but I am still shaken.

I had planned for ex to see the children today along with a member of his family but I don't trust any of them to take the DC at the moment after last night's visit - and as nothing has been agreed in writing re the DC, theoretically he could just take them and not return them as he is on their birth certs too. AIBU to refuse access to the DC just until we can agree contact formally? WWYD? Please help.

You're doing the right thing.
Police, police, police.

Btw, you can check with NCDV about legally making sure he can't get in the property or aproach you. What does your solicitor say about protection orders?

Anyway, tell him to arrange someone to supervise that you trust, or a contact centre. It may take a while and cost him, but that's his problem and created by him.

they followed you around the house and refused to leave? They sound as bad as your ex. Were they male or female? (Not that it makes much difference)

YANBU OP. Not sure of what your legal rights are but I hope someone will come along to help soon.

Well done for leaving the bastard. Ignore the classic 'mentally unstable' accusations.

It was ex's dad and sister. His sis is a nasty piece of work, she was standing there saying to my mum that I do nothing all day ( i have two toddlers??) So not surprised she was spiteful but I'm really disappointed as I thought his dad was quite level headed until now and trusted him to act as a go- between for me and ex.

I can apply for a non molestation order and a court order to remain in the property, but I am actually too scared to leave the house now as I think they will harrass me! I don't want my DM to leave either. If I'd been alone last night I would be terrified.

I did think about a contact centre. I can't believe it has come to this though.

On the plus side, if I had any doubts I was doing the right thing by LTB, last night's visit put paid to those doubts!

Could someone else go with you to get the non-mol? Or you could go in a taxi and back?

Is it the police station you need to go to? Maybe you could go when you're least likely to be bothered by ex, like first thing in the morning.

Your ex's dad has gone from agreeing to keep your ex away to actually coming round and harassing you. I agree these people can't be trusted. Are they expecting you to take ex back? Let him stay in the house indefinitely? It's not worth engaging with them at all anymore but I wondered what on earth they are hoping to achieve, apart from just being nasty.

Do ring NCDV. They do emergency orders. I don't know if it would implicate you leaving the house, though. But talk to them.

And Women's Aid too.

Agree with Lweji.

Thank you both - I think what they hoped to achieve by their unsavoury visit is to intimidate me to leave the property.

I have spoken to NCDV and local police and the former can't do anything until Monday, the latter can't do anything unless they come round trying to get in again. I will speak to my solicitor on Monday again to see how I proceed. In the meantime I will have a very anxious weekend I jump every time a car drives in now, or the doorbell goes or I hear a noise outside. He hasn't contacted me yet about seeing the DC this afternoon but I am dreading that call / text.

I've been in your position and it's awful.

Try to relax a bit with the children.
He's probably having a good time and not thinking much about you.

Thanks Lweji