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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to be really angry and hurt?

57 replies

imsodonewiththis · 05/11/2016 01:03

I promised to take my sister to dinner for a belated birthday treat. We agreed provisionally on a time, but she often changes times as she's finding work tough at the moment (new job, she's not coping well). Fine.

However early this morning my phone broke. I switched to email, asking her to confirm a good time to meet. She replied to my email but then stopped replying... I asked a relative to phone her. I gave her the phone number of the friend who I was with.

Anyway she changed the time by an hour. Annoying but fine, meant I had to kill time waiting for her. She then changed it by another hour. Ok, fine, she was busy. It resulted in my waiting in the freezing cold outside a restaurant (apparently she got the wrong branch... despite suggesting it herself!) for one hour and a half. Waiting and waiting. She didn't even apologise when she arrrived. She has form for this.

I was absolutely devastated, hurt and angry. I feel she has little regard for my time. She is finding her job very stressful but seems to want to make my life terrible too, as if punishing me for something? She told me I didn't know what hard work was and was snide and catty to me throughout the meal.

Aibu to just call it a day for now?

OP posts:
Lorelei76 · 05/11/2016 15:53

Op she has treated you appallingly
What is your relationship like usually?

MadHattersWineParty · 05/11/2016 15:54

Well she took the piss out of you massively then in that case.

ChuckGravestones · 05/11/2016 15:56

she is being treated badly by work and by flatmates

Would that be because she doesn't give a shit about them and leaves them hanging around for 3 hours waiting for her highness to make an appearance.

I'd have gone after 15 mins to be honest. 30 tops. 3 hours? If she had never turned up would you still be outside now waiting? You need to install boundaries and stick to them.

imsodonewiththis · 05/11/2016 15:57

i promised and it was her bday treat, i wasnt going to punish her by leaving her to do it. we have quite a complicated relationship, we are actually twins and weirdly very close but in a strange way. she really does know how to push my buttons though

OP posts:
imsodonewiththis · 05/11/2016 16:00

i didnt leave because i didnt have a phone and therefore couldnt deduce

  • why she was late/if she had a good reason...
  • it was her bday treat and i didnt want to stand her up in the circs (ironic I know)
  • i know shes going through a hard time and at the end of the day shes family and i didnt want to leave her on her own when she's in a really really bad place mentally
OP posts:
MadHattersWineParty · 05/11/2016 16:04

So she's going through a rough time.

That doesn't give her a free pass to be a bitch to you.

She kept you hanging for three hours and made carty comments throughout the meal, and you just paid up as it was a 'treat' then went home and felt shite.

Don't let yourself be treated like that, by anyone.

And get a phone!! Even just a crappy cheap one just for texts and calls!

ofudginghell · 05/11/2016 16:07

I'm with you here op.
Although not twins (sis 5 years older)my sister has the same kind of attitude with meeting up with me/being ready on time.
On good Friday last year a family breakfast was arranged so me and my three dc my sis and her one teenager and my mum.
It was booked locally to us for 10 am so my dc didn't have breakfast and we patiently waited for mum to call me to say she was on her way.
At 10.30 after many missed calls to my mum she called back to say she was on her way.
We got to the restaurant at 10.45 by which time I was quite annoyed as we were all hungry and I have three kids to get sorted and still manage to be on time.
We ordered drinks and waited until 11 by which time I wanted to humanly combust so much to my mums hesitation I ordered for me and dc
My sis eventually turned up at 11.45 with a face like a slapped arse and no apologyShockHmm
Me and my dc ate our now lunch meant to be breakfast I got up and paid my share of the bill and left!!!!
I was and still get hopping mad when I think about it.
As this sort of thing has happened on numerous occasions with my family I decided there and then I would never put myself in that scenario again as it gets my blood boiling.
I can't understand how people can have a lack of respect for others in that way.
I totally get if it's the odd occasion and can't be helped but it sounds like you need to give her a wide berth for now and maybe if she asks why just say you feel she's in a bad place and is conveying that onto you.

Lorelei76 · 05/11/2016 16:12

Mad, op has a phone, it wasn't working.

elidaviolins · 05/11/2016 16:13

three hours is beyond ridiculous IMO

MadHattersWineParty · 05/11/2016 16:14

Oh sorry I missed that your phone had only broke that morning.

icanteven · 05/11/2016 16:18

Your sister is massively rude, you are massively unreasonable for waiting around.

FookinHell · 05/11/2016 17:33

So looking forward, is she someone you want to spend time with? If she is, then you have the option of asking her to be there within 15-30 mins (however long you're willing to wait for) or you will leave. Alternatively you go shopping, sit and read a book, catch up on emails/phone calls whatever, while you wait for her, since you know she'll be late. That way you wouldn't have wasted your trip and got something out of the wait and so wouldn't feel so bad.

Just out of interest, is she older or younger than you? Not that this excuses her rude behaviour and lack of respect. Im just interested.

P.s do it back to her, and see how she bloody feels. Tit for tat Wink

2kids2dogsnosense · 05/11/2016 18:03

You are twins?

What was your birthday treat from her?

Did you make her wait three hours n the cold before you ungraciously accepted it?

ChuckGravestones · 05/11/2016 18:09

i didnt want to leave her on her own

But she doesn't feel the same way about you.

lasttimeround · 05/11/2016 20:54

Raise you. My sisters used to you this snd ghdn laugh at me for being uptight. I should go with the flow more apparently. I understand the use of the word devastated actually. Not by the incident itself but at realising people you care about hold you in contempt. My life got better when I stopped bothering. I have dome contact but I invest in relationshipsome where we treat each other well.

imsodonewiththis · 06/11/2016 05:28

Thanks everyone!

Have had a think about it and I think I'm done really. Got loads of friends, fun flatmates and colleagues and a good life really, I'm over offering myself up to be treated like this; I actually felt a bit sorry for her. She has no life and no close relationships and it has been commented in the past that she's jealous of me. I didn't want to say this up thread as it sounds vindictive but it's the truth and I feel like subconsciously I always make allowances for her because of this - she likes inviting herself out with me and my friends, latching onto my social life and I just let it happen - more fool me. Time for her to sort herself out. We make por own choices and it's crystal clear she's jealous and resentful of me, and wants to fuck me over basically. Who needs enemies when you have someone like that...

OP posts:
BitOutOfPractice · 06/11/2016 05:42

Wow!

imsodonewiththis · 06/11/2016 05:47

What do you mean by that BitOfFun?

OP posts:
BitOutOfPractice · 06/11/2016 06:03

I mean it sounds like your sister needs help and support. And that yes, you do sound vindictive.

I agree she was horrendously late and that's really annoying. But your post sounds like a massive massive over reaction.

Do yes. Wow.

BitOutOfPractice · 06/11/2016 06:05

And I'm not BitOfFun. That's another MNer

imsodonewiththis · 06/11/2016 06:07

Right sorry for getting you confused but there is a backstory here as I'm sure you can see. I've given her help and support for many years now. Willingly. The lateness just epitomises the sheer contempt she has for me.

OP posts:
Graphista · 06/11/2016 06:12

Sounds more to me like 'straw that broke camels back' I'm NC with my sister. My brother is more tolerant but losing patience and has very little to do with her.

Constant lateness, lies, excuses, disrespectful behaviour, expecting everyone to dance to her tune (that's included employers, flatmates, partners as well as friends and family), never held a job for more than a year, plus issues with finances. She was once over 8 hours late coming to me for lunch!

She'll never learn and I'd had enough.

In future op set a reasonable time limit and tell her, if she's not there in 15/30 mins you won't be there at all.

pklme · 06/11/2016 06:14

I'msodone I don't think you need to go NC or make dramatic changes, just don't put yourself in her power in quite that way again. Make plans but leave if she doesn't turn up. Put some boundaries in place to protect yourself. You can support her and keep a relationship without being so vulnerable to her erratic behaviour.

Nurszilla · 06/11/2016 06:29

OP I don't think you sound vindictive, it seems like you've been pushed to the end of your tether. It's your choice to go NC but it might be an idea to try and set some boundaries first? At least let her know why you're upset if you haven't already.

FookinHell · 06/11/2016 09:01

What's nc?

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