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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To drink a whole bottle of wine...

60 replies

teenagejennyagutter · 04/11/2016 23:11

...when I'm in sole charge of my 3.5yo?

I'm a single parent. The nights he is at his Dad's I work.

It started off as a glass, it has crept up to a bottle.

My mother was an alcoholic so I am wary of my relationship with alcohol in general.

After a bottle I would gauge myself as tipsy but still fairly in control.

I work as a barmaid so I'm used to judging people's contextual level of drunkenness.

OP posts:

Secretsandlies222 · 04/11/2016 23:40

Way too much when you're caring for a young child. The fact that you still feel in control after a whole bottle suggests to me that you've built up a tolerance, rather than it being ok to do so.

amammabear · 04/11/2016 23:43

Not necessarily secretsandlies222 people who are quite heavily intoxicated can often think they're fine can't they, you can't always tell how much it's affecting you.

theveryhighlife · 04/11/2016 23:44

I think it's good that you're mindful of your experience with your mum. It's just me and my children and I'm the same - either at work or with the children. Enjoying a decent wine over an evening with good food - don't feel guilty. If aim isn't to feel drunk, but to unwind and relax you have a good balance.

MitzyLeFrouf · 04/11/2016 23:45

A bottle of wine once every three weeks? Sheesh! I really don't see a problem. It's certainly not 'relying on alcohol'.

Wolfiefan · 04/11/2016 23:46

Mitzy that's not all the OP is drinking.
That much in one go isn't good. Using alcohol to destress isn't good.
If you drink heavily your tolerance increases. You may be drinking too much (to remain healthy) but not seem drunk. It's not a good thing.

Original poster

teenagejennyagutter · 04/11/2016 23:47

Thank you for the answers folks. Most of them mostly confirm what I thought. I'll work on it. And I appreciate the non-judgmemtal tone of most replies.

OP posts:

DontTouchTheMoustache · 04/11/2016 23:48

I hate to admit this but I have been worried about my drinking recently...it's been a traumatic year that has left me a single mum to 9 month old DS and also lost my job. Started to rely on the odd bottle of wine and did it more and more and for some reason the week before last I was looking at DS asleep and it just hit me that anything can happen at any time, even if it's not driving what if he was choking and I needed a clear head to save him or what if he stopped breathing and I had to try and do CPR until an ambulance arrived and in that second I just knee without any doubt that it absolutely had to stop and I just couldn't ever take that risk as I'd never forgive myself if something happened. Being a single mum is hard and very stressful so I completely sympathise. If it's only now and again fair enough but don't let it go further than that and maybe try to limit to half a bottle. I don't mean that to sound remotely preachy because I was far worse than you until very recently but I think in your heart of hearts you know if it's too much or not and if you are asking on here there is obviously doubt in your own mind

MitzyLeFrouf · 04/11/2016 23:52

How do you know Wolfie?? My reply was based on what the OP said and she said a bottle once every three weeks.

Wolfiefan · 04/11/2016 23:53

No judgement at all. It's a fair question. And if you have an alcoholic parent it's not necessarily a straightforward answer. Seriously look for another way of destressing. I'm exercising a lot more and feeling better.
Good luck OP. Remember you will be the role model for your child. In life and work and love and yes their relationship with booze!

Wolfiefan · 04/11/2016 23:54

Mitzy
OP also mentioned sharing a bottle when friends come round. It's not a once every few weeks thing.

Original poster

teenagejennyagutter · 04/11/2016 23:55

itsJustNotRight I hate to say it but day to day I'm a much better parent if I've been able to destress somehow. I'm try do it by swimming but it's not always possible because I have no family in my city. On those weeks I tend to be very snappy and resort to wine and guilt!

OP posts:

amammabear · 04/11/2016 23:56

DontTouchTheMoustache had said what I am trying to get at far more eloquently than I can.

I hope you didn't think my comments were judgemental, they really weren't intended to be.

Wolfiefan · 04/11/2016 23:56

Can you get LO in the buggy and go walk? An exercise video? I do love to dance it out. (Sad I am!!!!)

Trifleorbust · 05/11/2016 00:01

I wouldn't worry about being under the drink drive limit as not only do you not drive, but you are not doing anything as risky or complex as operating a car. But I would worry about being in sole charge of a three year old after a whole bottle, mainly because it would make me liable to fall asleep downstairs, not hear if there was anything wrong (like the child choking) and, worst case scenario, I might do something like leave the oven on or not blow out a candle, which could lead to a fire.

Wolfiefan · 05/11/2016 00:03

And don't be afraid to say you're a better parent if you destress somehow OP. I think it's fine to realise that and act on it.
I use exercise (ok and chocolate!). I am a better and happier person if I workout 3+ days a week.

MitzyLeFrouf · 05/11/2016 00:05

OP Without wanting to sound glib I suppose problem drinking is any drinking that's causing you a problem. If you are drinking a bottle once every three weeks as you have said in your posts well I really can't see it causing you any physical harm but obviously having grown up with an alcoholic parent it might be causing you anxiety.

Wolfiefan · 05/11/2016 00:07

Mitzy. Read carefully. That's not the only drinking. And OP has said drinking is increasing. A bottle at a time is about 9 units. Way too much for one day.

Original poster

teenagejennyagutter · 05/11/2016 00:10

Thank you wolfiefan. I think that's the core of it. I know, given my condition, I respond badly to stress. So I struggle with balancing that and my troubled relationship with alcohol.

OP posts:

Wolfiefan · 05/11/2016 00:11

I think the stress is the issue. You need to focus on ways (maybe not just one) you can deal with that.
It doesn't make you a bad parent to admit to stress and have to find ways to cope.

Original poster

teenagejennyagutter · 05/11/2016 00:13

And DS is 3.5 nd unfortunately not wiling to go in the buggy anymore. A good old buggy stomp is a destressor I would highly recommend though. Now that he's older we have dance offs in the kitchen.

OP posts:

Original poster

teenagejennyagutter · 05/11/2016 00:15

I am happy to accept less booze more dancing as the collective wisdom of mumsnet!

OP posts:

Wolfiefan · 05/11/2016 00:16

Dance offs? Fabulous!
Would he let you stomp to the park then have a play once there?

Wolfiefan · 05/11/2016 00:17

X post.
Best advice of the day. Tomorrow DD and I shall start the Saturday dance off!

Kel1234 · 05/11/2016 00:20

Honestly, I can a a do drink a bottle a night and not even feel an effect. My tolerance has always been high though.
As long as I know I can still care for my child, it's no one else's business how much I drink, wine, spirits or anything else

TheFlyingFauxPas · 05/11/2016 00:21

I work as a barmaid so I'm used to judging people's contextual level of drunkenness.

You can't really judge your own though can you. If you can cut down do so. If you can't then you should consider help. Addiction does run in families. It's not making your anxiety better. Speaking from experience.

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