AIBU to ask DP to uninvite his friend's wife from our wedding?

[Somerville]

One of my fiancé's closest friends is an usher at our upcoming wedding. DP is his child's godfather.

However, his wife doesn't like me. Actually, I think it's not personal to me - I think she loved having DP single to set up with her friends and to flirt with and she's annoyed by him not being available to her.

She began by making unkind jokes at my expense. Never in DP's hearing, and so subtle I wasn't sure whether she meant well but had clumsy phrasing. But it's getting worse and I'm now in no doubt. She's very funny so it looks like a sense of humour fail to take objection to her 'hilarious' comments.

She also calls DP a cutesy nickname that no-one else calls him, often brings up friends of hers who he has previously dated, and touches him a lot. He says she's always been a bit like this but he's assumed she would stop when he was in a serious relationship and instead it has got worse.

I've been ignoring her rudeness because I think she thrives on drama and attention and frankly I don't have time or energy for all this. But DP wanted to try to get to the bottom of it to repair his friendship with them. Fair enough. She said the problem is that I'm over sensitive. But she apologised for bringing up how great his ex girlfriend is looking and for the cutesy nickname (I think he was too embarrassed to properly bring up the excessive touching) and cried, and her DH made excuses for her. DP was cautiously hopeful that she'd improve.

I saw her last night at a hen party for a mutual friend. She referred to my DP as the nickname then laughed and said 'silly me, he says you get jealous about our pet names'. I went and sat at another table.
Later on she told an amusing sex anecdote about a friend of hers who dated a friend of her DH's. I knew from the start that she would accidentally on purpose reveal it was DP and indeed she did. The pregnant bride looked upset so I again just got up and moved. No alcohol excuses as none of us were drinking.

I will be avoiding her in future. And I'd rather not have her at our small-ish wedding. I feel like asking DP to tell her she can't come. I think he will agree to this - especially with the sex anecdote thing - however it is of course then likely that his friend will pull out of being an usher and not attend, which will make him sad. AIBU and if I am, what is a better way of dealing with her? Just sucking it up on our wedding day isn't an option for me.

What beryl said

LHReturns we don't live near them (he moved to my city to move in with me which shows how ridiculous the weekly contact schedule Cunty wanted truly is) and suspect phone not appropriate so it might be some time.

But I will try to remember to update - promise.

So when is the other bride's wedding that I'm presuming CMCF is going to as she was at the hen night?

Ok we will have to be patient! Fabulous thread.

Weekly contact schedule from a godparent - snigger. She is nuts.

Ooh well I've never kissed a girl and I think I need some more exciting stories so that Lovely doesn't feel bad if we have That Chat so form an orderly queue.

I'm actually fully of snot and looking like shite (woke up with a stinking cold). Even Lovely and my children will only kiss the top of my head.

I'm flying high on co-codamol and Jaffa cakes though so it's not all bad.

This is great - her evil plan to make you look like a knob has backfired beautifully and I'm excited to hear how chat goes with mr lovely and her and her hubby . Glorious when these things work out this way - and to make it even more satisfying you have behaved impeccably throughout which make her look even worse - - - outstanding ❤️

Just been reading your updates, Somerville. You and Lovely are doing so well over this hideous woman. I've read the thread - and remember your previous posts/thread. I am so happy to hear you and Lovely are marrying. I hope you all have a great long life together.

I suspect the friendship L has with his friend will never be the same now. She has crossed a line with her latest behaviour. My bro and SIL had a similar but different falling out with his childhood friend and SIL's childhood friend. They were 2 couples going out together. Bro's friend did something bad ( I think he made a pass at SIL) and it was their reaction that caused the biggest problem. He was utterly unapologetic, as was his then GF. DBro and SIL didn't invite them to their wedding and Bro chose another friend as best man. Over 30 years later DB and SIL are very happy together and have lost touch with the other couple. They haven't looked back.

I think if Lovely's friend takes his wife's side and doesn't accept how badly she has behaved, the friendship is doomed. Sad for both men, but sometimes people are blind to their spouse's ulterior motives. The ball will be in friend's court now. Good that others in group see what has happened - it means you can minimise discussion of it in future, as people know what they need to know.

I hope the wedding goes really well for you both and your loved ones.

Wow she sounds like some kind of work'. Controlling bitch who is scrabbling and making herself look like a total arsehoje by tying to put you down and make you realise she 'knows things' you don't - total bitch!!

I'd tell your DHtb to tell his friend to bloody control her

I'm not the world's best judge of people's behavior, but given that others are now saying this behaviour of Cunty was out of place, and with Mr Lovely having Words, that Cunty's position as Queen Bee is definitely in trouble.

I can see that if word gets about that words were had, then people will start to become less tolerant of Cunty's antics. And I can see that the words being had will get around, as even if Mr Lovely and Somerville don't actually say anything, Cunty will try to talk to others and twist this in an effort to make MrLovely and Somerville look bad. But with the behaviour getting blatant now, I reckon that it'll backfire for Cunty and her DH.

Cunty's best chance of remaining in the friendship group is to stop the behaviour and start being civil.

I actually feel sad for Hideous Woman's husband. She has chucked a bomb into her H's friendship group. He's probably been unaware of how bad the wife's antics have become. AND it is not his job to keep her in order. She should know how to behave like a normal adult without being told by her spouse or anyone else. It's awful for him and their child because he has valued his friendships no doubt - and she has fucked it all up big time with her petulant behaviour. It's good you have a bit of time for the dust to settle before the nuptials, OP. And I hope the cold improves soon.

Puppet - he had an opportunity to step in and make his feelings clear through, the last time that Lovely spoke to her. Cunty's husband was there and instead of being embarrassed about what had happened, he sat there looking all sympathetic whilst she whined about the fact that Lovely now has a family of his own to focus on, instead of her Precious Little Snowflakes.

I know, PaulDacresConscience, I still feel sad for him. He likely just didn't get it. But he has to get it now, no doubt he will .

If she's also been bitching behind uour back to an extent it's upsetting others and men are commenting on it, then this isn't rescuable. She is clearly very very jealous indeed. And that may be about both of you, not just lovely, as said, I'm guessing uoure attractive and much better looking than her. Women are seldom jealous of women they perceive as less attractive, even if they have snagged the guy they want. It's usually prettier women that get the venom, and if that's the case it's not fixable. Because she's jealous of you at a core level, not just because you are marrying lovely.

I wonder if there is a dadsnet forum though and her husband is posting. " I think my wife fancies my mate" .

Somer, was your DF friends with the husband or the wife first? Have to be so careful not to post his name .

The husband, but he got to know Cunty early on, too. Like, well before they were married. So I think she might consider him as much her friend.

She's a weirdo I'd uninvited her and tell her why. It's not the end of the world if her husband doesn't come to your wedding. He must get pissed off with her silly behaviour how does he stand it. I had that sort of thing with my first husband from his bloody sister! Got my own back a little at my DD wedding. Told the bitch sister that I didn't recognise her then looked shocked when she told me who she is thereby conveying to her how badly she has aged. My sister also did it to back me up my mum thought it was very funny.

Somerville, Zombie is very, very pleased for you. She hasn't read your other thread or know anything about your backstory except what she has picked up from reading this thread.

She would like to take this opportunity to wish you, your Lovely and your DCs a long and loving life together.

I wonder how he's feeling right now as he's going to lose at least one friend unless she does seem serious grovelling. I can't see what would suffice TBH.

Glad STBBride and her DF are on side. Slightly lacking in sympathy for CMcF's DH given the "sympathetic" look, and also asking if he's best man - who does that?!

I'm sad this had come to pass, but very glad it is working itself out. Very best wishes for the tackling phase, and I hope the cold goes away soon.

Your hubby sounds lovely and also the bride to be, how kind of her to get in touch and ask her DHTB to speak to your hubby, she's put herself out on a limb for you and must be a good person and someone who could become a good friend.

I'm so glad that C**ty has been found out and will get her come-uppance. Do keep us updated - can't stand women like that, we've all met them. Thankfully this thread shows the majority of us are decent well balanced people

Thank you Zombie. I've followed your story a bit from afar and have had my fingers crossed for you for a long time. I hope your treatment continues on as least-fucking-horribly as cancer treatment can.

"I'm flying high on co-codamol and Jaffa cakes though so it's not all bad."

That's the MN equivalent of going onto hard drugs

Agree with ^ - it sounds like you have some good people around you who sees her/her dh for what she is/they are.

I am sorry that you're both going through this though, people like this are not friends