...to expect to get what I ask for for my birthday?

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Not as bratty as it sounds, and I really don't want to seem ungrateful, but I really don't know how to handle this.

People have asked what I want and I said nothing. They refuse to get me nothing, so I said that, if they are going to insist on spending money, I would prefer if they got one of those charity gifts you can get - food packs/medicine for third world countries, something to help endangered animals etc - or some sort of charity donation.

I have loads of stuff.
Stuff I don't need or want and want to get rid of.
I don't want more stuff.

Everybody is very reluctant to do this and my husband has outright refused, and keeps coming up with money wasting ideas (his heart is in the right place but he always gets it wrong ha ha), as I "haven't told him what I want yet".

AIBcompletelyU in just wanting to save them some money or wanting to use my gifts to help others?
Do I keep pushing for what I want, or should I just accept that they can choose what to get me, even though I can almost guarantee I won't want or need whatever else they buy, and just pretend to want it?

Could you ask for an experience voucher or something? and then donate it to a raffle

Failing that I don't think you're being unreasonable to ask for donations to charity as this is done in our friendship circles a lot. In fact the last 3 weddings we've attended have requested donations to specific local charities in lieu of gifts.

I hear you OP
I just don't want more 'stuff'
When I've had a party for a 'big' birthday, I've told people I don't want presents, but, if they really feel they want to bring something then to put a bit of money in an envelope and I'll take it all to X charity.
First time I did this was the year after my Dad died, which was the year after my Mum had died and it was for the Hospice, so I think people were quite understanding and I was able to give them a few hundred.
Roll on 10 yrs to my next big party and I don't know if it has just become more of a 'thing', but people seemed quite happy to give to the cause I nominated then too.
I've managed to persuade some family members not to swap presents at Birthdays and Christmas, which is good, but some - as someone said upthread - seem to enjoy the whole shopping experience, so it is actually more about them than about what I might want.

Yeh, my family are givers, as am I, and it's rubbed off on my husband now. He thinks that because I make a big fuss about either people's birthdays (they always have something they want), I should get the same back, but that's really not what I want.
Thanks again for all your replies and suggestions :)

The thought of lots more 'stuff' at Christmas stresses me out a little, I get not wanting anything, but some people love to buy , and the present seems to be as much about the giver as the receiver. Suggestions: plant for the garden? Contributions to something expensive/big like a painting? Wine? And I always seem to need wine glasses. I always also need new tights at this time of year! Nice reed diffusers can be expensive and it the sort of thing I'd by myself but nice to Receive as gift. Nice chocolate? Books are good as they can just be put away on the bookshelf and aren't 'clutter '.

Hmm you make a big fuss about other people's birthdays, that's your real problem if you can see and enjoy the process of gift giving and in fact do it to the max then yabvvu to fail to see other people might enjoy it too. Gift giving is reciprocal in our society it's a way of bonding and strengthening ties to others either opt out or in but don't do the bit you enjoy and block the bit others respond with.

In fact there's your answer only make charity donations from now on, no gift giving on your part other than picking appropriate charities, the people that love you will get the message that you are uncomfortable with the gift giving process.

I have this with my family too. Without sounding like a spoilt brat, my mum will ask what I want, I give her an idea within budget, she says that she doesn't like it so she won't buy it. It's up to her what she spends her money on, but I find it a bit sad that she won't buy something that she knows will make me happy. She will often buy me jewellery that isn't really my taste but gets cross if I don't wear it. I remember finding Christmas very stressful as a child as I would be presented with mounds of stuff and have to appear incredibly grateful and kiss the giver/s in between every single present. The expectation to give and give and give is very much there in our family. Money has been a bit tight this year for us as I'm just finishing mat leave, so I have said that we just can't afford to carry on doing it, there was a bit of a grump but they have accepted that they will have one carefully planned present this year (and for the years after too I think).
For me, the pleasure is in giving something that I know that is truly wanted, rather than copious amounts of stuff. For my mum, I think a lot of it is in the buying as she is a spender.

Agree with InfiniteSheldon. The gift of giving has to work both ways or not at all. And in that case, I'm wondering if you need to take the attitude of so what if you don't want what they've bought. Perhaps an easy way is to specifically ask for an item, which you can pass on to charity. Or perhaps ask for a replacement to something you already have, which is a bit dog eared but still very serviceable and could go to charity. Do you have self esteem issues?

Could you ask for a bottle of wine or chocs? There's probably quite a few local charities that could use these kind of things for Christmas raffles

If they insist on giving you stiff, ask for vouchers/money, then use them to buy the charity items your self.

It's difficult for your family and friends if, as you admit, you yourself make a 'big issue' about birthdys. i don't want to receive presents and I tend to assume (perhaps wrongly ) that most of my friends/family feel the same way so we only exchange 'token' presents that usually have to be bought from a charity shop (£5 max). There is only one friend that I buy gifts for.

I think if you continue to buy nice, thoughtful gifts for your family and friends they will feel that they want to do the same for you. YOU need to be the one to stop all the present exchanging.

People will want and often feel a need to be fair and by reciprocal gifts so it's not surprising they don't listen to your protests.

Either make it no gifts or ask for food shop vouchers so you can do your weekly shop. Then if you want to donate at the same time you can buy food to donate to the food bank. Win win.

Yabu you have people who want to buy you gifts so think yourself lucky. I worked on my birthday once, nobody knew or cared and I served a bratty woman telling her friend how she hates birthdays because she has to pretend she likes her presents. I wanted to slap her.

Ever imagine they just feel joy in giving? Better to give than receive and all that. I genuinely get excited shopping for my Husband's Birthday.

YANBU, they have asked and insisted so you have expressed your wishes. sounds to me as though they don't respect you.

I didn't mean it like that. I make a fuss over people's birthdays by being really excited in the build up to it, organising little or big parties/get togethers if they want one, making the cake etc. I buy people what they ask for, or sometimes just organising and baking, or paying for a take away is their present if they don't want anything or say they don't know. I make a fuss of the day and them, not the gift.

One of my uncles sends charity gifts to everyone at Christmas because we don't really do presents now everyone is older, and everyone thinks it's great. It's just apparently not acceptable for me to want just that for my birthday...

I do know I am lucky to have people who want to buy presents for me, I just don't want them to, and I am grateful. I just hate the idea of them wasting their money.