My DS told me something that makes me suspect other mothers have been discussing me.

[Twixandlatte]

This is a WWYD as I am fighting a VU urge to engage in passive aggressive behaviour at the school gates

My DS randomly told me that I look like a teenager on the way too school (DS is 5 I am 26). He goes to an academy in a fairly liberal borough where most mothers are 35-45 (something I've never had a problem with). He also asked me if teenagers can become pregnant? At this point I ask him what inspired this question and he says a couple of children have asked him at school.

Does this sound like something a couple of five year olds would come up with by themselves? The use of the words teenage and pregnancy make me feel as if it was something they overheard their parents say. I don't know whether I am being sensitive due to background differences and feeling judged for not being the norm at the school gates.

One of my kids told me that everyone knows who I am because of my hair.....and not in a good way.

Also that everyone thinks I am really scary....maybe the hair is a factor.

Also that DH has cancer and even if we tell DS he hasn't...he certainly has and we are just keeping it a secret (he has alopecia).

I wonder if being shocked at how young people can look is just a thing as you get older, I Have said my DS teacher looks like a teenager, she really does but she is great at her job. I am just really surprised at how young she looks. It's hard to come to terms with aging at times!

I'm at the older end of the spectrum at the school gate and I mainly spend my time feeling ludicrously jealous of the young mums whose figures have returned like elastic and whose skin still looks unlined and carefree. If anyone is making comments I guarantee it is purely due to jealousy.

For the record, had I have met my DH earlier, I would have loved to have had children younger. Circumstances just didn't work that way for me.

My DPs mum looks the same age as him (27) and I'm not even kidding! No one believes he's her son. She was 21 when she had him.
She once went out to a party with a few friends, this bloke was there at her house when we went round before they went off to this party, he hadn't met any of us yet, just a friend but clearly fancied her, my DP walked into the kitchen where they were and this bloke got all flustered and started apologising...he thought my DP was her husband.

2 of my DD Rainbow buddies said 'You look like a man today' when I collected her because I was wearing workout gear and a hoodie. Then asked her in school if her 'man mum' was picking her up today??

I had the opposite, and the teacher asked dd if she had brought grandma with her on her first day.
I was 42 and the other mothers were 21+, it's known for teenage pgs round here, so 42 is normal to be a granny.
All the other mums were so much younger than me, there were no older ones at all.

I remember going to pick DD up with my Mum and her classmate asked me if I was DD's Mum or her sister because my Mum and her Mum had the same coat!

man mum!

I'm laughing at 'man mum' so hard!

I've only been going to the school gate since September. It's a weird and strange place I didn't really believe in playground politics between the adults (despite seeing it a hundred times here) and boy was I wrong!

My sister is late 20's but looks about 14 in the nicest possible way she's very skinny and only 5ft and sometimes buys clothes from the kids section as they fit her and are cheaper, she has a 9yo so has had comments but just says at least when she's 40/50 she'll still look young

If it's any consolation, my 5 year old is obsessed with teenagers and looking and acting like her very sweet idea of teenagers. She also refers to the young mums in the park as the 'teenagers and babies'. (I don't think she can imagine a parental relationship, as her own mother is so decrepit!)

So it might just be 5 year old chit chat.

I've been both the younger and the older mum. My eldest was born when I was 17, and my youngest when I was 37. There are advantages and disadvantages to both, but I was always pleased when people said "you don't look old enough!" to have first two DCs - funny enough I don't get that any more for DC3 . It was amused though when DS1 came to visit me in hospital - aged 20 - when DC3 was born and the staff asked him if he was the dad - Worst day of his life!

I had this and I was 24 when I had my son! All the other mums were about 10 years older than me and no-one would talk to or include me either! I couldn't believe how cliquey the school gate is. I even had one mum say to me "oh so you were young then" when discussing my age. I just answered "no, not really".

You older mums reading this, can you please cut it out! It's childish and unpleasant to exclude other mums and it's really upsetting for them! Let's give our children some behaviour to look up to, and not encourage what is effectively bullying behaviour!

You older mums reading this, can you please cut it out! It's childish and unpleasant to exclude other mums and it's really upsetting for them! Let's give our children some behaviour to look up to, and not encourage what is effectively bullying behaviour!

Living in an area where younger mums are definitely the norm I can confirm that this kind of behaviour is not limited to just us older mums. I gave up on so many baby groups as a lot of the younger mums in my groups were really cliquey.

scratchy - I've had similar - I've been the incredibly young-looking mother who must have been a mere child when she conceived (I was actually 20) and I've been the frazzled wrinkly old woman who could potentially be grandma (I was 36). I used to love it when people said "you don't look old enough" :o.

OP - I think you're right and you've been the subject of some debate among the old mums. But as gossip goes, it's not too bad and they're obviously just intrigued by your youth and beauty. Take it as a compliment.

Can we please try to avoid sweeping generalisations of older mums & young mums?
Personally couldn't give a shit how old the other mums at school are-I either like them or I don't. We have a decent friendship group which ranges from 28-45. On the plus side I must look younger or possibly behave that way as I refuse to grow up as people are always surprised when I say how old I am (in a good way before anyone says maybe they think you're older )

He wasn't questioning uour family unit, I think uou are projecting and over reacting there.

Also it may be absolutely nothing to do with you. My experience is when it's about uou, kids tell you. They don't have a tact valve. Not even slightly. They straight out tell you and ask the question on their mind. So don't stress.

My daughter came home when she was about eight and said, all my friends said you're the prettiest mum, and not like their mums, cos you dress way cooler. Flattering, sure, but it's damn sure our kids discuss us. Fairly positive some of the other mums weren't going to be delighted with that little prognosis from their daughters, but who cares. And for the record, my daighter wasn't hugely enamoured about it, she would much have rather I did dress like the other mums. Kids are like that.

Seriously, no one should give a flying toss what other school mums think. Unless you're their mate, don't even give it a seconds thought, I certainly didn't, and had no angst throughout the school years.

You older mums reading this, can you please cut it out! It's childish and unpleasant to exclude other mums and it's really upsetting for them!

Get a grip.

1. how real is all this judgement from 'all' older mums?
2. bollocks are we all jealous
3. a lot of 'older mums' were also 'young mums'
4. None of these threads ever get past a few posts without horrible ageist posts about 'old mums' who are clearly jealous, knackered, frumpy, ugly etc etc.

Reality is that hardly anyone cares or even notices how old you are. People are usually far to busy with their own lives to give more than a passing thought to the age of a stranger and being in your twenties with children is hardly unusual.

FGS mini if you were 24 when you had your child you were hardly a gym slip mother. Why would anyone give a toss that a women in her mid twenties had a baby

Equally..ten years older than you, so 34? Yeah ancient. How on earth did they manage to push a buggy and a zimmer at the same time?

Agreed Namechangeemergency

I don't give a passing thought to age young or old at the school gate. I'm usually going over in my head where I need to be next or whatever.
Also, if you have an older child you will know other mothers from other classes so they may be looking out for someone to pass over a jumper/book/hockey stick whatever.

We are all parents. That's the common ground, we don't all need to be friends because of it.

We are all parents. That's the common ground, we don't all need to be friends because of it.

You could slip into the conversation that you've just celebrated your 30th! They'd really be jealous then LOL. Obviously you wouldn't do this as lying is not good ;-) But wouldn't it be great! Just to see their faces! It's probably just an observation and perhaps a bit of jealousy as well. I wouldn't presume it's malicious.

OP I would take it as a compliment.

I am 31, but had DD at 23 and I look younger than I really am. I always get hanging open mouths when I say I have 2 kids, especially when I say one is 8! I am probably the youngest mum in DD's class at school and one of her friends asked me if I was her big sister at drop off when she first started. I could have kissed her!