AIBU to be annoyed at Ex pleading poverty when they've just got a huge tattoo?

[BeccaAnn]

Ok so my DS lives with his dad and I pay maintenance. My ex asked me for more because of issues with housing benefit etc. I refused. He doesn't have a job, he volunteeres and does occasional freelance design work so I told him to focus more on that. Last night on FaceTime I saw he has a HUGE chest tattoo, it's from shoulder to shoulder and cover almost the whole of his rib cage (DS wanted to show it off as he helped draw it). I would love to get more myself but can't as I can't justify spending that much when I have a house to run. The cost of his would be in the £100's as he's getting the colour done too.

AIBU to be annoyed by this? He lives off tax credits and my maintenance

No, I'm not saying she isn't a full-time parent, but as it stands now, the ex is raising the child and doing all the school runs, the homework, the night wakings and everything else that comes with living with the child full-time.

Break-up/rights and wrongs of it aside, he's still the one doing the drudge work at the moment. He might be a dick, but how he is a layabout? Because he doesn't work? Lots of single mums don't work when they have school-age children because childcare would wipe their wages and then some. Are they layabouts too?

And OP says he does do some freelance work.

How he spends the money isnt any of your business if ds has food, clothes etc. He might have been given tattoo free.

I'd be annoyed too and I wouldn't be increasing the money that you give him either.
My ex gives me £30 a week for 3 dc. I pay everything else. He recently suggested that he stop paying £30 a week and instead pay for clubs, clothes, shoes, haircuts etc etc. I said yes and showed him 4 weeks worth of receipts for the above. He's gone very quiet and continues to pay £30 a week.

I think any man who leaves all the domestic work to his partner is a layabout.

That is only confirmed if they split up and he suddenly takes on the drudge work he avoided before because it forces her to give him money.

He is nothing like a single mother doing her best.

The ridiculous double stsndards we apply to men to pretend we are all equal are insane.

Nobody thinks mothers who don't clothe their children are good parents.

But a man can spend his time "volunteering" whilst living an entirely subsidised lifestyle based on a child he ran off with and he's a fucking hero.

Just the same as a woman abandoned with 3 children.

We don't normally look kindly on mothers who won't share access with willing and competent parents.

Why is Mr Free Tattoo getting a free pass here?

He is using the child to gain access to free money.

She shouldn't give him a penny.

And as he is an individual, I am not making any claim that all single parents are the same as him.

Doinit would you class all single dads the same? My DH raised his two boys on his own after his ex left. He had to give up work initially as the youngest was 2 years old and the older one has a disability. After the youngest was at school he went back to work part time. Does that make him a layabout because his ex paid him maintenance? I think it's a ridiculous double standard to say that women who don't work but rely on their ex to pay maintenance are any more worthy than men who do the same. It makes no difference who is left holding the baby, as long as that child is loved and cared for.

Who is saying he doesn't clothe his children? Because he gets tax credits and maintenance? I know plenty of single mums whose only income is tax credits and maintenance. Are they layabouts who don't clothe their kids, or is that judgement just reserved for single dads?

Doinit would you class all single dads the same?

Of course.

Because ALL single Dads are exactly the same and you can't talk about one without talking about all of them.

OR

No, of course not. I'm not the one trying to make general rules out of specific situations. Maybe ask the person doing that?

Who is saying he doesn't clothe his children? Because he gets tax credits and maintenance?

Um no. Stop making shit up.

The OP buys the child's clothes as well as paying maintenance.

thank you DoinIt I lost years of my life to him being gas-lit to the point I couldn't believe when people said I was good at anything and to be landed in this situation really makes me upset.
I'm not disrespecting any stay at home parents, I know it a full time job looking after children but DS is in school now so he has that time available and he does nothing with it. for 7 years he's been 'self employed' and post no income with the Tax office. He owes me £1000's in debt that was taken on while we were together and his has none of it to his name so its my credit rating that's affected and my future.