Upset baby & adjoining wall

[whyyyyy]

Hello,
I live in a small one bedroom flat, my neighbours live in a spacious three bedroom flat and their one and only adjoining wall to mine is the one they have their baby in (opposite side of the flat to their bedroom plus a spare bedroom). Baby is about 8/9 months and I won't bash on but the latest was that on Monday night his cries woke me up at 2 am, he was still going at 2.45 and I went to sleep on my sofa. I can't move rooms- my lounge is combined with kitchen so I have no choice. They could absolutely move their baby to the room next to theirs that isn't occupied. I can hear everything, he is being left to cry. I have nannied newborns, mastered controlled crying, always helping people out with sleep training advice, the works. I know that babies cry and babies are babies but this baby is left.to.cry. I haven't met these neighbours, I am sometimes also disrupted by the mum out front smoking with a glass of wine talking to a friend though late weekend evenings so I'm sure there is generally little consideration for neighbours.
My AIBU is... I have compiled a nice and funny note which starts off with 'you may not be aware because why would you unless told?, goes on to suggest them potentially considering a room move to a room that doesn't adjoin (which is any other) and ends in my offer to help with sleep training or babysitting if ever needed. I have also invited them over so that they can see just how much can be heard through that wall, included a beer/coffee/wine'. I commute 2 hours to London most days and it's disrupting me massively. I would buzz their flat but I get home from work late and I leave early so wouldn't want to risk waking their baby (I know). Is this reasonable to post the note? P.S I wear earplugs EVERY NIGHT, the best kind, they do nothing, it's like he is on my shoulder. I am not lying when I say that he can go a good hour crying alone and it isn't just this week, it has been months. I have had this letter ready for about a month and just haven;t sent. To add to it all I miscarried about three weeks ago and it's like psychological torture as well as constant sleep theft!

P.S I would LOVE TO BUY A HOUSE but sadly I keep on just not winning the lottery!

Here is the note (minus displaying my name and telephone number):

I’m not sure if you are aware (and can't imagine you would be unless advised by someone) but in sharing an adjoining wall with the room that your baby is in I’m having a terrible time of it sleeping and sadly I don't have the luxury of using any other room as a bedroom as I am in a small one bedroom flat. I have been sleeping on my sofa when necessary (latest being Monday night from about 2.40am having awoken at 2 and last night I made arrangements to stay elsewhere due to an early start at work in London). Sadly earplugs aren't managing the issue at all for me; I use them every night without fail.
I really would hate for this to come across as condescending in any way, I suppose I’m just familiar with you having a three bed as I was curious about it when last vacant and hoped there could be some resolution there- if by any chance you could consider using one of the other rooms as a nursery.
If I could (and had the space) I would manage it myself rather than compiling what is undeniably a difficult note to write and a difficult note for you to read. It’s becoming quite the struggle with waking up during the night/early hours and affecting my work, particularly on days I have to commute to London.
Please do feel free to message/ call/come over for a chat/coffee/beer and if you are ever in a babysitting pickle I nannied babies from newborn-3 for almost 10 years and I’m more than happy to help out! I would have much preferred to talk in person but when I return from work in the evenings I would worry about waking your baby by buzzing the flat.
Kind regards,

Exactly whyyyy, it keeps not happening to me either!

We'd need a deposit of £27,000 just to buy our little flat. We're lucky in that it's pretty solid and we do hear other residents including babies but they don't sound on top of us.

How old is the baby roughly?

How do you know the baby is left to cry?! My little girl is awful at night and screams and screams sometimes for hours. I hold her, cuddle her, shush her, sing to her, she still screams hysterically. For AGES. With no breaks. The neighbours probably think we are leaving her to cry, but we're not!

It's a bit long-winded OP, I think you can say the same nicely in about half of that.

Sorry to hear of this- when you pay rent and work hard you should be able to relax in your own home. As someone with misophonia, I truly sympathise and think you should befriend the family, then gently broach the subject about the baby's noise. Maybe the family genuinely don't realise how noisy it is and would be quite apologetic at the inconvenience.

So sad if the baby is colicky but that is not your problem and why should you put up with it if the noise could be minimised. I know this is mumsnet and pro kids etc, but I hear so much hate towards noisy partygoers etc, but it seems to be ok for screeching babies to let rip at all hours when neighbours who have work the next day might be trying to sleep!

I think a letter is fine

Dear Neighbour,

I hope you don't mind me writing to you - my long hours mean that I don't get a chance to pop by at a reasonable hour.

As you probably know, the walls in the building are very thin and as a result I am getting disturbed at nighttime by the baby crying. I understand that babies will cry but is there a chance that the cot could be moved away from the adjoining wall? I would really appreciate it. Unfortunately, my flat is small and the rooms can only be set up in one way and ear plugs aren't helping.

I do hope that I haven't caused offense.

Kind Regards

OP

Complain but don't offer to babysit their child or sleep train them; it makes you sound like a crazy neighbour

I think the baby being left thing is a red herring. Whether or not the baby is being left alone, if they moved him to another bedroom you would not be able to hear him so easily.

FWIW both my daughter and son went through phases of crying in the night. We coslept with them so there was never even a second they were alone, abandoned, crying-it-out etc.

I actually think your note is OK. You don't accuse them of neglecting their child, you're just asking them to shift things around if possible to make it better for you.

Although I've cross-posted with OohNoDooEy and think her note is better. It's much clearer than yours which is a bit waffle-y.

If you really can't go round in person (I'm sure you could on your day off- I'm sure you don't work 7 days) but if you must leave a note send oohno's response as yours is far too long winded.

Play some "I want to fucking eat baaaaabies, I want to slit yaww throaaaaaaaats, I am saaaaaataaaaan yeah" style metal. Loudly.

Nah, I do think they are being U when there is a non adjoining wall room they could use n

OohNoDooEys letter is about a million times better! Send that. It's totally non offensive.

Thank you all for your advice. Before even posting on here I ran this by friends with children and friends without. Surprisingly my friends with children felt is was totally acceptable and those without were bigger critics! I know this is am awkward situation to gather feedback on but I can't provide a solution myself.

...as in totally acceptable to say something to the neighbours!