Ok story is DH and I met around 5 years ago. We're now married.
I have two kids to previous relationship, he also has two kids to previous relationship. The ages of the kids are 21, 19, 17 and 15.
All four of the kids have disabilities / mental Heath issues.
Eldest suffers from anxiety and Aspergers. 19 year old is autistic, 17 year old suffers from anxiety and panic attacks and 15 year old suffers with behavioural problems and ADHD.
My two live with me (the youngest two), eldest two live with their mother.
DH had a vasectomy after his youngest was diagnosed with autism so around 16 years ago and we were never going to attempt more kids anyway but recently I've been panicking about my bio clock ticking (35) have been broody and have been thinking how lovely it would be for DH and I to have a child of our own - together. DH needed a bit of time to get his head around the idea but he feels the same.
So we are making an appointment to discuss vasectomy reversal.
However, I have read that chances of success are minimal and the OP alone costs nearly £3k which we would fund ourselves. If it doesn't work it would mean IVF - another £5k and months, years of appointments, clinics, treatments ... I could be pushing 40 by the time we get anywhere.
Now I'm really torn. I love DH so much and want nothing more than to have his child but on the other hand, with 2 autistic kids on his side, there is a chance it could come through in new baby. Also, DH and I are just at the point where we can bugger off on holidays together, stay in posh hotels, have fun just as two free adults, go out whenever we want, finances are great ... to have a baby now would have an impact on all this.
Plus, am I too old?? I never saw myself making small talk at the school gates as a 40 year old.
So AIBU in even considering the vasectomy reversal? Should we just crack on with being two free adults? If so, how do I get over the fact that DH and I will never be parents together? Because it does upset me.