AIBU to feel upset and think this is outright discrimination

[ncxxxx]

NC tonight. I've been doing some specialized work for social services for the last few years. This afternoon a social worker called around to my house to drop off a report to me. I've just recently been diagnosed with ASD/Asperger's and at our last meeting I told him about the diagnosis; I didn't think it was important but thought he should hear it from me rather than hear it third hand.

(As a young adult I couldn't even manage to go into shops on my own, but over the years I've learned to get along well. I'd been thinking for ages that I probably had Asperger's and now feel I have a much better understanding of myself following diagnosis.)

I've now read through the report. I'm shocked and so is my DH. These are some of the excerpts:

"Our recommendation is for an early health assessment. This is to reflect ncxxxx diagnosis of Asperger's, which is a significant event that will require a medical advisors comments and recommendations."

So although I've been doing this work for years, and I'm exactly the same person as I was then, they seem to be suggesting I'm no longer suitable.

Then it goes on to say:
"Husband of ncxxx commented that a characteristic of Asperger's is a black and white personality adding that ncxxxx can be brutally honest at times. This is something I had not come across with ncxxxx although upon reflection with the last placement ncxxx did not shy away from telling me the difficulties she was experiencing regarding the social work service."

I was there. My DH did not say anything about a"black and white" personality and neither did I. That is bollocks. He did say that I can be brutally honest, but the remark about me not shying away from telling the social workers about difficulties has left me perplexed - I thought we were supposed to do that. And I've always been polite with all the people I've worked with. Nothing like this has ever been raised before.

Then there's this:
"From working with ncxxx for over 3 years it has been noted by myself and several professionals that she does operate in a certain way and at times appeared to lack confidence and avoid eye contact" What does that mean - "operate in a certain way"? I'm upset that this social worker, who I like and almost think of as a friend, has just handed me this report full of personal comments.

This is the next bit:
"Given ncxxx diagnosis it is felt prudent to request that ncxxx undertakes an updated health assessment where the medical advisor could give an opinion regarding ncxxx continued registration. " So they're considering not employing me anymore???

The last bit:
"Ncxxx diagnosis of Asperger's may be significant. Over the last 3 years confidence issues have been noted by professionals. An example of this was the social worker who placed anon who expressed concerns about ncxxx presentation and was worried about anon's welfare. However upon the same social workers return to the placement 3 days later she could not believe the difference in anon."

Not once has any concern been raised with me about "confidence issues"

I'm shocked. My DH says he can't believe it and intends to question them as to the aim of the health assessment.

But as far as I'm concerned I'm finished. I'll no longer do any work for these people. I have name changed but if any of them happen to read this I really don't care. It's been wonderful being able to be of some help to all the wonderful children who have stayed with us but I really cannot deal with social services anymore.

Also I really don't think they are suggesting you are de-registered. They just have to evidence that they are acting throrough in regards to your new diagnosis. Ofsted would rip them a new one if they didn't get a new health assessment.

BillSykesDog Okay that actually makes a lot of sense and thank you for taking the time to explain it to me. I do still understand how the OP had come to that conclusion though and do hope OP that you do have an informal chat about how it made you feel, if anything it will hopefully prevent anyone else feeling how you have been made to feel and hopefully they would take care in explaining the exact process etc in future.

I think your shock is absolutely appropriate.

If there was an issue with any aspect of your presentation, it should have been raised at the time it was noted, not up to 3 years afterwards. This all sounds very revisionist, and I would question the validity of it.

This.

If there have been concerns that were significant, they would have been raised if the professionals are doing their job. To look back in light of a diagnosis and decide something is concerning when it previously wasn't is nothing more than discrimination.

It also sounds hilariously inept, uninformed and inappropriately casual. I'd question if this is written by an educated, competent person. It has more of a jumpy 'oooh er...mental 'ealth!' feel about it.

slenderisthenight from my interpretation it doesn't seem like that comment was made by the social worker conducting the report, but by the social worker of the child in placements. When's a review in fostering takes place the social workers of the children that have Beene placed with the foster carers are asked for their own comments about how they felt the placement went. This sounds like a comment mad enough by another's social worker and so he social worker writing the report has to include that information, whether she has noticed it or not. The writing of the report may be the first time this issue has been raised with the fostering social worker. In that case she acted appropriately.

I think that this report should have been properly explained to op but apart from that I really don't think any malice or meanness was intended. I think op is reading way too much into it.

I don't think I'll continue doing this work as I would be feeling like my behaviour would continue to be pathologised and I'd be much less likely to speak up/ raise concerns. But we will raise it with the SW concerned first and see what response we get.

OP. as a foster carer every aspect of our behaviour is monitored and discussed on an ongoing basis whether written in a formal report or not. Seeing it in a formal report can be frustrating, especially when we may disagree, or want to expand or answer the points raised. But there will be many more asumptions about us that we never get to see, but they are made and then discussed with other professionals, even though we may not realise this. Over my 20 years working with SS, I have come across many SW who get it completely wrong and want me to bang my head against the wall at their wrong assumptions. But it has always been this way, and always will be. And ultimately it really could help in making a future \zsuccessful placement. And it's a part of the process we cannot control. As I said a box ticking exercise that we all face from time to time.

For instance the lack of eye contact you have read as a negative. As I said one of my ASD sons has this remarked on frequently also. He also sees things in black and white, and cannot show the socially acceptable response to events - eg he laughs at a funeral and is not interested in any good news. But actually it isn't a negative at all. Some foster children, actually many, do find eye contact and very difficult. And actually many children have bonded with my son first, because he just accepts things as they are, tells things as he sees them, and never judges or makes excuses. The rest of us can try TOO hard. So actually some of the traits of the condition are actually really, really positive.

I tend to pick my battles with SS, and this would not really be one of them, as the SW are following the standard procedure they are obliged by law to follow. But I wish you good luck whatever you decide.

I have experienced a tiny bit of this OP as we have fostered and reading minor criticisms on our parenting was a bit unpleasant - it's not something a parent usually has to encounter and its not pleasant to think someone is going around noticing but not saying.

It's a clumsily written report but I would hope that they would have to show they have reassessed suitability after any medical diagnosis and they aren't suggesting you aren't suitable. If you were deregistered now after diagnosis with no concerns whatsoever having been raised previously I agree that would be discrimination but I think it's unlikely that will happen.

As a foster carer I once read a report on ourselves that stated our bathroom mirror was dirty! Quite honestly I wanted to smash it over the SW's head and storm out. But then I thought of the children and through gritted teeth smiled and said "oh yes, I was doing that this afternoon, sorry."

You work for social services.
This is what they do, make damning reports on people.
Were you not aware of that?