To do this to increase independence or is this too much

[notgivingin789]

Hey all;

I have a DS who is nearly 7. He has SEN (social communication disorder... Though likely on the spectrum and verbal dyspraxia).

It's not uncommon for some children with SEN to take a little longer to develop their independence skills... Though not at all! And it requires someone to break down steps in order for them to increase their independent skills.

Luckily, with tiring effort( and lots of visual time tables!) DS can brush his teeth by himself (though I do a quick run over as I'm not sure if it's clean properly) he can bath properly by himself, though I do supervise him now and again, he can make his own food (simple things... Like getting breakfast, drink, making a sandwich etc) and gets dressed. However, DS can't tie his shoes, though we are still practising on that.

DS and I regularly use public transport ... trains, bus etc to get to wherever. I was considering (I know his young, but can apply for it) to get DS his own Oyster card so that he feels confident going through the carriages by himself, getting into the routine of tapping his Oyster card. He's do it with mine, but I don't feel it's the same.

I told my mum this and she thinks I'm going overboard and that he should wait till his 10.

What do you think? Am I just being silly? Being an overanxious mum? Over doing it ?

I don't see the harm in it. My DS has an ASC and we've done this with tickets since he was five and needed his own child ticket. He was scared of the automatic barriers at first, but now he loves it. If you think it'll help your DS, then do it.

If you mean that he has his own card to tap whilst you go through the barrier after or next to him and tap your own then I don't see why not. Though probably best you look after it between stations as I know my 7 yr old would lose her card!

Another good one is to get him his own library card and get him to take out his own books. Our libraries have self service machines and my children love scanning their own card and books but even if your library is still manually done through staff it's good to boost his confidence and responsibility.

Yes that's what I mean note. DS is anxious over the barriers and if we take it slowly at first... It would give him confidence.

I saw a girl who had some stringy Oyster card holder attached to her bag... I thought that would be a good idea.

Thanks molly I think it will help DS. I do believe teaching a child certain things early is best.

The library card is a good idea! I also give DS money (1.00) to buy bread.. Or milk or even a treat. I will take DS to a small shop, give him the money to go to the shop on his own and buy the things. I wait anxiously outside for him and I always tell the cashiers what I'm doing ( so they don't wonder where DS mum is ).

I think that all sounds great. You need to put far more effort into teaching autistic children life skills - you can't just let them develop naturally or you'd be wiping their bottom at 13. Or is that just my son .
If your son is happy you are not going too fast.

It sounds like you are going at his pace and moving him on to the next step as he is ready. I can't see any drawbacks to it and over time you can step it up to him eventually travelling by himself (assuming that is appropriate and when he is a LOT older!). Would he also be able to 'plan' the route?

Just read he is nearly 7, not nearly 10, some of what I have said may be a very long way off! But still think what you are doing sounds great and also gives him some control.

If you are in/near London, you can apply on-line for an Oyster Zip card for your DS. Free train/tube/bus travel up to the age of 11. The bus and tube are free until then anyway, but only recently happened on some of the trains (not sure if all mainline trains included). DC love using theirs at underground stations to go through barriers, and saves us all crowding through the family barrier.

I think you expect an awful lot from a seven year old but if it works for you both go for it.

user I'm not sure. DS has a severe language disorder... and learning to read is proving difficult for him. I hope it gets to the pint that he an read the tub map..directions etc but it's a slow progress.

Stork your not alone! DS does wipe his bum, but I do go over as he doesn't do it properly. He does have issues with his fine motor skills. It's just practise practise... Whenever I teach DS a new skill, I will let him take his first turn and then I will go over till I'll reduce my input.

Pen I don't expect a lot from a seven year old. Knowing DS and his difficulties, children like him take a very long time to master self- help skills. He has a disorder, so he wouldn't naturally pick it up...it's best to give him these skills or atleast teach him now so when his older he learns some independent skills. He may never be independent and may live with me till I'm old and grey... But it's best to teach him these skills so that he can have a better quality of life.

I don't think that sounds too much for a 7 year old to be fair Penfold. The OP is trying to teach her son skills he needs to learn and is going at his pace.

To be honest Op some of these are things we do with Dd7 and Ds5. Neither have SEN but I think it's really good for their confidence to do things for themselves, be able to ask for and pay for items in a shop and so on. I'm sure your DS is pleased with himself when he manages these things

Thank you can't. We don't give DS a huge shopping list and leave him alone in the super market.

I'm starting off slow. So we only go to small shops or those small local co-op place and I only ask him to get me at max two items (due to comprehension and giving him to to process) and I literally stand very near to the shop door or I'm hovering by the window .

It does give DS extreme confidence and teaches him social skills... Like waiting in the que..waiting for the cashier to finish and then it's your turn--- extremely helpful as he has social communication difficulties.

My kids (5 & 7) also love scanning our shopping at the self service checkout. Is this something he could do with you a few times then when confident could do it alone? You could give him money to buy something specific so you knew he'd have enough

Mine used to love using the self scanner at the supermarket. We get deliveries most of the time now but we recently did a big shop and they still loved it!

We have now bought adult wet wipes for bum-wiping. Great success.

I think its a lovely and supportive way of doing it, especially if he's used to the bustle. Id hesitate only because mine arent used to really good public transport provision so would panic (completly undermining the confidence building).

Instead we have own library cards, small food shops, basic dinner planning on a budget and pocket money for 6 and 8 year old.

Sounds like you're doing a great job