to expect DH to deal with some of the dd's night wakings at the weekend??

[Skyler]

I do them all during the week as he has to work but at the weekend I think he should share the load. Comments please??
(Actual prob is he has trained himself to sleep through them so I would have to wake him up to deal with it. Would you do this?)

Depends on many circumstances; best to do what works for you. For us, I was bf so night waking fell to me - but if I'd had a bad night he would get up v early eg 6 am and take over, if necessary. I took the view that at least one of us could then sleep through the night. Nothing more frustrating than lying in bed listening to one's dd crying and dh snoring.

I feel the same way about night wakings. My DH is a very heavy sleeper and sometimes I am up for hours with my DS. I have woken him on the occasion and sometimes the screaming/crying has woken him up - he will get up and help. My DS responds to him so much quicker than he does to me, which is also very annoying. My DH isn't happy about waking up - but he does it - and he knows he can't complain as he is responsible for the children too. Don't wake him up straight away - but wake him up eventually and just say 'I've done the best I can and DS/DD won't go back to sleep - can you try'. Sometimes I think they get a kick out of being able to get them back to sleep when you can't. Go for it!!

this may sound daft, but i swapped sides of the bed away from the door and it made me less aware and dh more aware! also we'd split nights at the w/e so about 2 i'd go and sleep on the sofa with tissue` in my ears - bliss! the odd comment like 'nearly fell asleep driving' helped my dh understand. now we have 3 dh knows that work is a rest!

My dh is more of a heavier sleeper, and I always used to be awake first, generally with ds it was something simple, and on the very few times that dh did get up I would belaying there thinking that what he was doing wasn't the best way to get ds back to sleep, so despite his offering, I carried on doing it myself.

In the beginning with each of my three I was bf, so it had to be me. Once they moved onto formula dh always helped out - his arguement being that yes, he has to go to work, but I had to look after the children. why does going out to work rate higher? We've always taken it in turns and had alternate lie-ins at the weekend untill recently now we all have a lie in. He should help

I totally dont think your being unreasonable! We take it in turns with ds, and if Dh is asleep i'll nudge him to get up! It takes me a good half hour to get to sleep in the first place with DH's snoring so its only fair he does his bit too!

I don't think men train themselfs to sleep through it, it is just how they are geared up by nature...something left over from the days of the past...iykwim.
I must say, as I bf'ed I always did all teh dealings at night anyway, but at weekends if dh was there then he might get up with them in the morning, giving me a lie in...!
I was always lucky to get some sleep in the day...not very houseproud me, so, I used to sleep when the lil ones would nap, whihc does help!
Anyway, I definately think that at a weekend he could give you one slept through night at least....and if your Baby takes the bottle, then he really ahsn't got an excuse.

I think it's reasonable to expect some help. When ds was a baby, I was bf so did all the night waking. As soon as he was weaned, dh took over and now, I don't wake up in the night for anything so dh has to deal with any night waking we get (only v occasional)!

in answer to OP, i would wake him to deal with it, if we had talked about doing that before going to bed. has he agreed he should be helping w night wakings?

fwiw - i used to do the vast majority of night stuff... over time things have shifted and now i would guess that dp does more than i do.

Skyler, I was thinking the exact same thing last night. Why is it always me that gets up? Don't mind when he has to work the next day but when he's off work or i'm going to work(and so is he) why do I always get up?! Last night DD started at aroung 5.30 so I thought right, i'll wait to see if he budges, kept thinking he will in a minute but no he bleeding didn't!!So I got up and she'd over filled her nappy so had a wet bed. I then had to change her and the bed! So whilst I changed her bed I put her in with DH, knew she wouldn't want to get back out, which she didn't so she stayed in there and I went in her bed .

I wouldn't mind but i'm 33 weeks pg so it takes an age to get out of bed. Then an effort to change her bed too!! Ah well he'll have to get up soon when there's two people crying at us, i've only got one pair of hands

OK I was a martyr and did all the night stuff as 1) I am a lighter sleeper 2) if dh got up and did it all he made so much racket I couldn't sleep anyway. 3) I fall alseep more easily than dh.

However with dd1 she was trained by the time she came home - she was prem and in hospital for 13 weeks after birth- and she only woke every 4 hrs, therefore I would do 8pm, dh would do midnight after I had gone to bed, I would do 4am and 8am.

Not too bad then.

After a bit she slept through from 8pm to 2am and aain until 8am, so I used to do the one off feed at 2am, in fact f she didn't wake up I would have to wake her

With dd2 it was similar, dh used to have her between 10pm and midnight when she have colic and wasn't feeding, just screaming. I wouls sleep then. I would do a midnight/1am feed and again at 4 and again at 6am, then DD2 would sleep through until 9am or so. DD1 would get up and dh would take her off leaving me and dd2 to ourselves to sleep.

So I suppose what I am saying, just becasue dh didn't get up everynight, we had a system that worked for us. He is an owl and goes to bed late, I get up more easily than him.

I always do the night wakings but I always get the lie-ins... Depends whether you can catch up on the weekend mornings.

Oh good there is an interesting response there. My dd's are nearly 4 and 19mths. They were both breastfed till 12 months and so of course then I did the night wakings (and didn't mind) as they were quick and easy to settle and I was v good at getting back to sleep. They have been sleeping well but now a combination of coughs and teething from the little one as well as colder rooms means they have been up alot and I am out of practice. DH is easily able to settle them. I hate lying there while he does it though and part of me thinks better just one of us awake than both, but last night I got stroppy and stormed off to dd1's bedroom saying 'Oh I don't need any sleep anyway' and he blearily wandered from the room a few moments later saying he hadn't heard her. So I have decided that actually the issue isn't that he won't do it, just he is totally unaware of their waking and my side of the bed is nearest the door! So I think I will approach him with a take it in turns policy at the weekends. It seems to be agreed that is fair. I have to say he does get up before me most weekends but that is usually because I am sulking by this time and making a point . They have been sleeping really well prior to the last month so hopefully we can get back to that and then it won't be an issue. Thanks for your help ladies, interesting reading.

We were lucky because DS was sleeping through pretty quickly and only has the odd wake up now ( keeps fingers crossed that this remains the same)

But I just couldn't cope at all with the lack of sleep. As it turned out I stopped BF fairly quickly due to problems and from there we tried different options. DH doing util 2.00am then I'd take over. DH doing one night a week, ending up with us sleeping in separate rooms and doing 3 nights a week because DS was up every 1-2 hours for the first few weeks.

People would say oh your DH is a saint and he has to go out to work which really p__d me off as I was obviously off to a Spa day to put my feet up, but he did it because he loved me and couldn't bear to see me falling to bits. Plus now I have gone back to work I can definitively say that being at work is easier than looking after a baby.

Now we each have a lie in day at the weekend and take turns if DS wakes up.

I would definitely be having words with him. You both decided to have a baby so how come you end up doing all the dirty work.

During the week I get up at night with the baby as my DH works (the reason being that I am at least able to nap during the day if I have been up at night).

At the weekend my DH gets up during the night.

(obviously we only did this once I stopped breastfeeding exclusively).

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all.

dh never did them. He just wouldn't wake up. But he did his share in the day and let me have a break.

totally, totally agree rookiemum. There seem to be an awful lot of men out there getting away with murder! Of course going to work is easier than being at home with young babies/children and they should not be being pandered to by being allowed to not get up in the night cos they have to work, poor lambs

obviously BFing an exception and I would make an exception for say an airline pilot or long distance driver who need to have sleep to be safe/keep others safe but otherwise, get those men up!!!!!!

but sunnyside up, if I got dh up it would mean both of us awake, where's the point in that??

fair do's if they are in generalk a lazy pig, but like most things it isn't the be all and end all. If they leave you to lie in while theytake the baby, that works too IYKWIM

oh yes as long as they take their share in other ways I'm not saying this as a dictat! It's just there do seem to be mums who struggle along getting up alone for months on end when there's no good reason the dad couldn't take a turn.

With us, I fed dd and then later ds at night until they were around 7 months. And then I stopped night feeds (was brastfeeding) and so dh took over.
So now I'm the one who sleeps through their wakings (not too frequent, but ds has had a rotten cold lately) and dh gets up. His perspective was that I need more sleep (always have) and he can functio better when tired.
Also, while he is working outside the home in an office, he gets a break from childcare whereas I don't during the day.
I am very lucky!

Our dd was ff and after the first couple of weeks my dh would do the night feeds as he said I had her during the day. I love my DH

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