To think 4 people can't fit in 2 bed house

[BananaCakePie]

The title explains it all really.

Teenage son in one room,mother,grandmother and teenage daughter sharing a room.

[BananaCakePie]

I think I'll suggest gran and mother share a room and teenage twins share a room with some sort of divider in between.

[graphista]

Something not right here. Council shouldn't be giving the advice they have and they should be getting much more support. Does sil have a social worker? Checked with a charity/welfare department (NOT council/DWP) on if they're getting everything they're entitled to ?

[LagunaBubbles]

Are you ignorant of the key difference that means you can't simply 'flip it' in the way you have done and have it be the same, or are you just hoping to start a bunfight by pretending to be?

Im not sure what you mean?

[BananaCakePie]

Haven't got a social worker or checked with anyone else apart from the council. Didn't think of this,thank you.

[sandbagsatdawn]

I agree with drama, is there not some way to divide the rooms with a curtain at least or a freestanding screen to give a little privacy? I also think that if the two rooms are the same size there should be two people in each and it would make most sense for the teens to share and the two adults to share. It's not ideal (I'd hate to share with my mum as an adult!) but it's certainly not impossible.

People do live in more cramped situations. I know a family of 9 who live in a three bedroomed house. You do what you have to do. Better to be realistic about what you can afford than to get into debt because you think you NEED more space.

[user1477282676]

I'm thinking that if decent fold down beds were bought somehow then gran and mum can sleep in sitting room and the beds can be folded up in the daytime.

Their clothing will need to be stored between the teen's rooms though....which is fair enough....teens need space. At the least for homework.

[Artandco]

I think it's still needs to be teens sharing and mum and grandma sharing.

That way teen son by arrangement can having friends over still but they need to hang out in living room or kitchen if teen daughter needs the bedroom.

That way I would also have two singles in room for adults. And try and squeeze in a comfortable small armchair and side table for grandma. Add small tv or radio and she can use bedroom in evening or day as small living area also to give everyone space if she likes.

Living area need to 'zone'. So not all seating just in one area. A chair in kitchen area if space with side table, can be space for one to read or work. An armchair in corner or living room away for tv can be for another.
Use dining table area as main seating when teen friends come over

Can some activities be found for gran? Like some over 60s clubs so she gets out some times, or an evening class? Same with everyone. Teen and mum could take up running one evening so gran gets an hour alone, another night teens at a teen social club or similar, or a sport. Usually cheap or free. Then everyone gets some time throughout the week when house isn't full

[Artandco]

Homework can be done at dining table. Better as can keep an eye they are actually doing it also! And keep reluctant teens company and encouragement

[reallyanotherone]

We do.

Can't afford a 3 bed so it's tough.

Nobody is going to give us a bigger house or loan us money just because they think 4 people don't fit are they?

So o/p you can think that as much as you like but it won't magic up bigger houses for those who can't afford it.

[TotallyOuting]

Huh?

Im not sure what you mean?

There's a reason people wouldn't bat an eyelid about a girl needing her own room rather than sharing with grandpa, father and brother that applies much less to the situation of a boy needing a room of his own rather than sharing with grandma, mother and sister.

Though I was not saying anything about whether brother and sister could share - I believe they could.

[Matchingbluesocks]

Sounds awful

[brasty]

Far from ideal, but possible. I am sorry though for all those families who are over crowded.

[icanteven]

Although there is nothing intrinsically wrong with that number of people in the house there is nothing to be gained by telling your SIL that she "should" get a bigger house, because it's not physically possible.

However she and her mother need to agree together that the mother has to live elsewhere. There is no room for them all to live together reasonably, and the other siblings are utterly taking the piss. It might be time to rock up with Granny and her suitcase and drop her off with one of them definitively and explain that she will be living with her other children now.

They can rant and rave all they like, but your SIL needs to be 100% firm and not take her back. BECAUSE she is widowed is the very REASON she can't live with her Mum - she has to rely on one income, and the other siblings have two or at least the availability of two working-age adults. I'm sure the mother must understand this.

And the son is just going to have to buck up his ideas. It sounds like he has already driven his sister to back down in the face of his childish fussiness. I appreciate that he has lost his father, but so has his sister, and she is the one being forced to pander to him.

[KitKats28]

This calculator would seem to imply that they would be entitled to help with their rent to get a bigger house.

[5moreminutes]

By A level many teens will work far better in private, especially if doing essay type subjects. I know I did vastly better work alone at that age. Keeping a child company while they do their homework is appropriate for 7 year olds but not 16+ as these teens must be if they are expected to leave home in a couple of years.

[Artandco]

Not everyone gets help anyway. We earn more than would be eligible for any help, but a one bed flat is expensive in the area we live in (£1850 a month). No one is going to pay the extra £500+ a month if would cost for us to stay in area but with extra bedroom

[YelloDraw]

She says the boy was going to have his own room because
he stays up later than everyone else,he's messy,always has friends over,controlling over things like space and privacy

The mum needs to sort her shit out and start parenting her son to not be a nasty dick-wad. God what a drip to let her son dominate her daughter like that.

Where is the father? Why can't gran contribute? Why can't gran go on council housing list - this is over crowded. Why no HB entitlement?

I would have teens share the largest room with a room divider. Son stops being a twat. Room is for sleeping, not bringing friends round. Meet up with friends out of the house.

Mum and gran share other bedroom.

[rainyinnovember]

It doesn't sound like there's a dining room.

[brasty]

A bedroom to do homework in is the ideal. Sadly not everyone has the ideal. I know our central library is full of older teens or students doing homework, and I used to do the same.
But feel sorry for the daughter in this set up.

[SaucyJack]

"Where is the father? "

In an urn on the mantlepiece.....

Read the thread.

[bibbitybobbityyhat]

I really do think Grandma needs to move to sheltered accommodation. On her income and with no assets I am sure she would be entitled to a council place.

If your SIL is working really long hours then how on earth can she be looking out for Gma properly? At least in sheltered accommdation there is a warden on call 24 hours per day.

[5moreminutes]

Gran just has to live elsewhere, teens have a bedroom each with a desk, mum has a sofa bed.

It works without gran but not with - if she lives with them there has to be another bedroom.

Agree with those saying the priority has to be getting gran sheltered accommodation / into a care home / insisting another sibling takes her on. Widowed SIL can't afford her.

If gran is already incapable of luving alone it may only be a short time until she needs a lot more care - will sil's siblings expect SIL to give up her job to be a full time carer, and move into a bedsit??

[KirstyJC]

If the gran isn't safe to live on her own then being on the list for sheltered housing is not worth it - that is still living alone! Are they in the UK? Assuming they are. If the gran is not able to be alone then she needs an assessment from social services to clarify suitable living environment and any support she needs to remain safe and as independent as possible.

If her health means she can't be alone at all but she is still mobile then it is likely she would meet criteria for a residential home of some sort. That can include emotional or mental health problems eg if she is physically well but too anxious to live alone, and it would be detrimental to her health to do so, then she should meet the criteria for needing support.

In a residential home she would get her own room and shared space like sitting/dining room. All meals / heating / washing etc would be done for her. If she has no money then SS will pay in full IF they deem her needing that level of support. No family etc would be expected to pay or make a contribution. There may be some limitations as to where she lives and the type of home she can go to - the SS would assess her eligible needs and then give a monetary figure to meet those needs. If she wanted somewhere above that figure, ie the nice private expensive home down the road with a wine list instead of the basic no-frills but does what it needs to home with SS places, then she/they would need to top up the difference. Depending on where she lives there ought to be some choice though.

It's all well and lovely to support family if you can, but thankfully (at the moment at least!) the system in the UK should take over in those instances where it isn't possible. Although a better configuration of living space might be possible it isn't going to work if gran isn't safe alone. And people tend to get worse as time goes on, not better.

I think the first step is to get SS to do an assessment. They are all skint at the moment and if they say she is living with them and it's all fine they will likely try and say there's no problem - so you need to get her / SIL to insist she needs it and explain that she isn't safe in the current living conditions. Even if they say she doesn't need a residental home, if she is unable to do some of the daily activities of living eg make a drink or meal, completely independently then she should be entitled to some SS support.

Good luck

[BananaCakePie]

There's no dining room,just the living room,SIL is no longer entitled to HB,the father has passed away,council have not been helpful when it comes to gran,grand does contribute £150pw

[KirstyJC]

There is often not a warden on call 24 hours a day in sheltered accommodation these days. They are usually off-site and only aroudn 9-5, at least in our part of the UK.