To think

[oggieoggie]

That all MILs are nasty?
My MIL seriously is horrible.
Is there some sort of hormone that gets released when their DC gets married that turns them in to lying manipulative people?
What gets me is that they were once in the same position surely they remember how it feels?

I think one of the things that cause conflict is that as a mother, you are used to doing things your way

You parent your children a particular way, you organise the family a different way and you run your day to day life in a different way.

The husband usually just slots in with that.

Your MiL will have her own way of doing things too. Sometimes this conflicts with your way and you disprove of her way. She disproves of yours and there's the conflict

Honey, I don't think my sisters mil would see herself as at all selfish! It's weird. She's often really put herself out for people, and does seem to be a very nice person.
It's just this odd thing when it comes to family. She just carries on and does stuff, without really thinking about further consequences. My bil did actually say to her once, that when it comes to Christmas he also has think about his wifes family and they have other inlaws to work around too. Aparently she just nodded, but didn't really change.
Sorry for going on, but I had to listen to a lot of the fall out from this one year - namely upset family members who'd had to frantically rearrange things to fit around.
It is selfish, she just can't seem to see it!

I've had to have a few discreet words with my own mum. It's a similar thing, namely doing what she thinks is the right thing but not really considering other peoples feelings. She wanted to do some "practical" things to help for my brother and his wife and had to be told rather firmly on one occasion "No thanks, we don't want that." It came from a place of caring on my mums part, it just wasn't appropriate.
My mum got the hump for a bit, to her it felt like a personal insult. It was my Dad who actually made the point of telling her that sometimes it's nice to go and see their son and daughter in law just to SEE them and not always be pitching in with DIY etc. My Mum hates not feeling useful!

My mil isn't horrible, but she is difficult (passive aggressive and childish). Having never been close to my mother growing up due to very similar behaviour, it's difficult for me to see past it. My partner keeps her at arm's length as well, and she doesn't visit often. However, seen plenty of examples of brilliant mil. My cousin's husband was inconsolable when my aunt died, she was an incredible woman.

Mine passed on a few years ago but I had known her for over 20 years.

DH was not close to her, and was rather glad we lived 50 miles away, it stopped her coming round (she didn't drive), so we didn't see her very often. She never interfered, and I don't ever remember her commenting on anything we did either.

She was an alcoholic. Her behaviour got a lot worse after DH's dad died suddenly, then she married a right twat man who left her 5 years later. We had plenty of drunken late night phone conversations that usually ended with her crying and saying how much she missed DH's dad (15 years after he died). DH had practically washed his hands of her by this time and I was always too polite to hang up but I dreaded answering the phone.

I am sure she was a lovely woman in her better days. When she was sober. But her drinking has had lasting effects on the lives of her children. (Can't say more as it will probably out me.)

MILs are people so it stands to reason that some will be lovely and some won't. You're unreasonable to judge all MILs as "nasty" because yours is. My stepmother is a total bitch but that doesn't mean all stepmothers are the same.

My mil is fine. I wouldn't say we're best buds or anything but she's well intentioned and we get on with each other well.

Some mils are awful, self-important, manipulative and selfish...some dils are also awful, self-important, manipulative and selfish.

I have felt that some dils doing the bitching wanted a slap for being such a mean spirited cow to their mil.

It's six of one and a half dozen of the other imo.