To think you just dont walk into someones home and do this!!!

[GobbolinoCat]

So.....my mil and I and my DH have a long horrid back story. Its childs party today and the first thing mil does when she walks in is rearrange a throw ( she gave us many xmasses ago) on our sofas, and then puts another throw over another chair?

I came in - saw it and and moved it. I could hear her grumbling t FIL and when I came in again, it was spread over it again. I personally dont like throws like that! Its like student digs!

Who would bloody well do this?????? Is she spoiling for a fight? Is she thick?

Shall I go to her house armed with blankets and decide to better her house??????
She was a nightmare in other ways too - but I felt this was the biggest personal transgression!

[SpunkyMummy]

Moving a throw doesn't seem too bad. The house we live in used to belong to DH's great aunt. and sometimes his grandmother rearranges things (or brings flowers) and says: "that's just how Tissie liked it...".


However, your MIL sounds awful.

[GobbolinoCat]

sponge she has tried to yes, yes DH is on board, he certainly knows what she is like, but he is sort of past it now. He would rather ignore it now.

Its hard to move forward when she displays this sort of confrontational behaviour. IF I listed everything she had done I am sure it would be the classic MN - go NC, but we have done this and felt all round - it was best to communicate for sake of wider family too.

I would LOVE to stride into her home and start re arranging stuff.

[Pallisers]

So the very worst personal transgression was to move a throw????? Blimey.

yeah cos it's all about the placement of the throw - that is all MIL was doing right?

I'd have either laughed and tossed the damned thing out when she left or picked it up halfway through the pissing contest she started and put it in a deep dark wardrobe upstairs so she could never find it again.

[GreatBritishBoakOff]

Maybe she is incontinent or very sweaty and wanted to protect your furniture?

[redshoeblueshoe]

She cried because your house was a mess after a party
Send her round here - she'd be distraught !
although I'm not adverse to a throw

[2kids2dogsnosense]

f that fails, there was an awesome post on here not long ago about putting googly eyes on ornaments in someone else's house - go fuck her shit up. At the very least it will give you a good laugh at her expense!

^^^ THIS! ^^^^

Use her loo. And take the opportunity to put googly eyes on everything in the bathroom cabinet. And on random tiles. And anywhere else you can think.

[GobbolinoCat]

If, as an adult, you go to a childrens' party, you do not bring throws

NO!! This is what I mean what was she thinking????

great maybe I should ask her! I would relish asking that question.

[GobbolinoCat]

2kids

I actually feel so uncomfortable actually use her loo for the purpose its meant for I use the out door loo now.

its so precise in there, everything is polished and there is soap with a carefully placed fake flower on it. The soap dish is always polished and the last time I was in there - the loo roll itself had been turned into a swan .


so now I prefer the outside loo. But I may venture inside again now, armed with my googly eyes.

[abbsismyhero]

Twitch her ornaments? Used to drive ex mil bonkers moving cushions is another good one she put them point side up I changed it to flat

She really hated us visiting

[Muddlewitch]

You should have said 'a picnic blanket? Great idea MIL I was worried about them making a mess of my table, you know how I hate mess' and then bunged it on the floor/in the garden for the party food.

She does sound hard work, agree with pp about her marking her territory. What's her husband like generally?

[slenderisthenight]

Does she have OCD/anxiety issues anything like that, OP? It doesn't sound normal behaviour, you know? It sounds like she's driven - as if she possibly had carefully thought up that plan about the throws before leaving her own house because the idea of party foor everywhere stressed her out so much. The fact that she became tearful about the mess(?!) and her DP correctly guessed the reason for her upset suggests that there were specific areas of worry for her on the day and broader, ongoing areas of anxiety and compulsive behaviour that may affect her relationships and how others perceive you.

In short, this may have very little to do with you and a great deal to do with her own demons.

Not that it would excuse her or make her a saint in some strange way!

But this is not your typical 'my MIL is a bitch' thread I feel and you're uselessly fucking up your blood pressure if you respond to this as if it was.

[Muddlewitch]

You know you need to put a throw over the loo, don't you

[slenderisthenight]

how others perceive her

[GobbolinoCat]

TBH honest I think he is loosing patience with her. We have had very hard time with him but I feel he is more open and genial than MIL and I feel he does much to as MN would say enable her foilbles. But I think he knows what she is like.

She has issues and in some ways - joking aside I feel sorry for her, I think she has a loo phobia which in hindsight is maybe why she recoiled from my offer of LOO ROLL to wipe clean a surface for her cake....But its hard when you have this judge judging all the time on house cleanliness....like she is morally superior, I also think she washed the DC clothes every single time they are there etc which drives me mad....even DD has said " i like their house but I would rather go there with grandma isnt there - you know with her cleanliess thing"

[catkind]

What slender said - if someone is distressed to tears about a bit of mess, can't cope with parties and compulsively arranges furniture in a particular way, my mind does go to some kind of mental health issue.

[2kids2dogsnosense]

I actually feel so uncomfortable actually use her loo for the purpose its meant for I use the out door loo now.

its so precise in there, everything is polished and there is soap with a carefully placed fake flower on it. The soap dish is always polished and the last time I was in there - the loo roll itself had been turned into a swan grin.hmm

so now I prefer the outside loo. But I may venture inside again now, armed with my googly eyes.

Having read this, I think you need more than googly eyes . . . I think you need a jar of Nutella . . . .

[GobbolinoCat]

x post slender....

Your right she does have major cleaning issues.....but mixed in with superior issues about her house and ours etc ( they are far wealthier and this upsets her too that her ds isn't a big earner like sil ) She has just cried at the mess of our house but the lack of wealth we have.
everyone knows this about her - buts its very much the elephant in the room.

I feel, knowing her that the throws was her doing territory stuff because she tries to dress us all too...but yes she has cleaning issues.

[metaphoricus]

Maybe she was trying to protect your sofas from partying children?

That was also my immediate thought.

[roundaboutthetown]

Are you sure she hasn't got obsessive compulsive disorder?!

[GobbolinoCat]

catkind

Your probably right but to what extent to I subject my own DC to this, when her own son has suffered considerably from it?

PILS are always trying to force the dc there and I have been very grateful for the help on occasion but as the DC get older its harder, older Dd doesnt want to go....once in a while is fine....but they nag all the time...its horrid.

Do I expose my DD to this? Younger is just about OK...but getting to the point - where she doesnt want to go!

[QueenLizIII]

I wonder if when the throw had been pulled back by you, a child had spilled something all over your sofa, you perhaps would have seen the wisdom.

Throws are furniture protectors / covers. MILs use of them was appropriate during a childs party.

You both behaved like children at the party though neither one of you backing down.

[GobbolinoCat]

round

not in anyway I have seen....ie having to wash hands loads but without a doubt - her obsession with cleaning is well known.

Its so hard to be around, if she knew she had it and was tying to do something about it is one thing but to come to a party and inflict it on us all.

[Cuppaand2biscuits]

It's a battle over control. My mil and I had many similar run in but after a big argument she's taken a big step.back and leaves our stuff alone.
She still stands the cushions up all pointy though and I tip.them.back flat!

[Rachel0Greep]

In fact at the end of ours she actually had a tear in her eye and her husband put his arm around her said " whats wrong is it the mess, " and she nodded"!!!

Oh Lordy! She was distressed by a bit of mess after a child's party. That is very strange indeed. It does seem to hint at something being amiss, but I can absolutely see how irritating her behaviour is.

[Maverickismywingman]

My mum used to do that - rearrange blinds and cushions. Grr

I just said to her one day "I don't come and do that in your house". After some eye rolling (from DM!) it stopped.