So.....my mil and I and my DH have a long horrid back story. Its childs party today and the first thing mil does when she walks in is rearrange a throw ( she gave us many xmasses ago) on our sofas, and then puts another throw over another chair? 
I came in - saw it and and moved it. I could hear her grumbling t FIL and when I came in again, it was spread over it again. I personally dont like throws like that! Its like student digs!
Who would bloody well do this?????? Is she spoiling for a fight? Is she thick?
Shall I go to her house armed with blankets and decide to better her house??????
She was a nightmare in other ways too - but I felt this was the biggest personal transgression!
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AIBU?
To think you just dont walk into someones home and do this!!!
131 replies
GobbolinoCat · 30/10/2016 22:20
OP posts:
GobbolinoCat ·
31/10/2016 19:17
Saying 'oh' about the photo of your mum sad and not wanting to give even the tiniest bit of praise to anything is horrid behaviour
Thanks Rachel, more like 
I think its horrid to never say a nice word too, especially when mentioning my DM. She has made some off hand comments to the DC too. Nothing major but nothing my own dm would have ever said.
OP posts:
GobbolinoCat ·
31/10/2016 13:02
I think the problem is that instead of being apologetic about her cleaning obsession she acts judgey as though her way is the only right one
Well this is it the heart of the issue, there is no humility, kindness, jokeyness ( on anything) its very much the right way and as I said she is from a country famed for its cleaning prowess, and FIL backs her up too. They mildly reference it as a family but very much go along with it in reality. She told me off once for not helping DH to stay smart and is always touchy about his hair, or he hasn't shaved etc.
Hopefully we wont have to see them for a few weeks now. I find small doses best for all of us, a short visit to theirs in and out.
OP posts:
Rachel0Greep ·
31/10/2016 13:01
I think OCD ( if that is the problem ) must be a difficult condition to deal with and live with, but honestly she sounds actively unpleasant.
Saying 'oh' about the photo of your mum 
and not wanting to give even the tiniest bit of praise to anything is horrid behaviour. And having to be consoled and comforted about the 'mess'. It does sound as if FIL enables her behaviour.
I think I would be limiting exposure to her, especially for the children, and as others have suggested arranging to meet elsewhere if possible.
and 
for you OP.
RhiWrites ·
31/10/2016 12:49
Thanks for explaining. I was very bemused by the cake being wrapped up in loo roll serviettes!
I like a j cloth myself, very versatile. According to my mum I was wrapped in kne when I was born! 
But a clean tea towel would have been fine. Loo roll would shred into a gazillion pieces unless you have the fancy quilted kind.
I wouldn't have washed the counter at all but j guess that's her OCD. I think the problem is that instead of being apologetic about her cleaning obsession she acts judgey as though her way is the only right one.
GobbolinoCat ·
31/10/2016 12:33
Did you suggest she served cake on pieces of loo roll? I'm confused about that bit!
^^
I would have loved to but no .
She kindly made a cake for DC ( we all had to lavish praise on for her this - led by FIL as always.....and it wasn't hard, it was a lovely cake), she then went to the kitchen and said in derogatory tone " I need to clear space here to cut the cake, I have washed this area but I cant find a cloth to dry it with" .
First of all - she didn't need to do this in the first place, there was space on the counter anyway. I quickly glanced around and saw we had run out of kitchen towel which is what I would normally use. I explained this and said - what about this - loo roll, can you dry with that? I also showed her a tea towel but my instinct told me a tea towel would not suit her purpose.
She spluttered over the loo roll suggestion and then started to interrogate me on "j cloths " she had brought us ages ago and where were they and why are there none to use?
All of this while I am suffering with headache and trying to lay table for the birthday tea 
OP posts:
MiaowTheCat ·
31/10/2016 10:51
This reply has been deleted
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
MerryInthechelseahotel ·
31/10/2016 10:29
My ex late MIL was very much like this. Not in a OCD cleaning way but judging and superior. She arrived at our house one day and asked us if we liked this roll of boarder that was in her bag. She was decorating her own home as she had recently moved so I smiled and said yes. It was only when she had gone I went up to the top floor where our bedrooms were and she had stuck the boarder up in our bedroom corridor 
when I phoned her she said she couldn't possibly have my parents coming all the way to visit us and seeing the corridor like that
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GobbolinoCat ·
31/10/2016 10:15
dh said she went to his student digs once then broke down over how he could live like that.......
when our dd was born she told me they were all crying over the fact we brought a baby into the world with such dirty carpets ( we were gutting old house and decided to leave the carpets in situ until we could work out what to do with them) but at the time it deeply hurt my feelings.
OP posts:
Katy07 ·
31/10/2016 10:11
I remember once when I'd just moved out and my parents and sister came round to admire new place and eat cake. All sat on sofa, sister drops cake crumbs on floor. We're all still eating but my mum asks if I want to get the hoover out and clean up the crumbs straight away Needless to say I didn't. My place, my crumb-laden floor. (Admit I would have hoovered shortly after they'd gone! Too many years of being hoovered-round had brainwashed me)
Some people have issues. You just have to thank your lucky stars you don't have the same problems.
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