Xmas with family owing money

[user1473598635]

Our family can be split into 3 camps. Camp 1 get into financial difficulties by being daft, then borrow money from family camp 2, promising to pay back but not doing.

Camp 2 are daft enough to keep helping camp 1 out when they come crying.

Camp 3 promise to help camp 2 out, never help camp 1 and appear in 'fair-weather' family occasions.

Am I being unreasonable to dread spending Xmas all together, and being all happy and shiny with Xmas presents? It's annoying buying presents for people who owe you money!

I think for all your sakes that you need to agree to presents for dc only, or Secret Santa, or a £10/£15 cap. It's mad to spend what you dont have / get into difficulty for the sake of tat.

And if you're camp 2, stop enabling camp 1 to piss their (your) money away.

Why not spend Christmas volunteering and bringing food and presents to people you don't know instead?

It's a lot more rewarding than simmering crossly at dysfunctional annoying relatives.

Sounds as though you are in Camp 2, you need to move out and go to Camp 3 pronto.

As for Christmas, have it with just your own close family, and don't buy presents for anyone else in the wider family.

Thanks! Some great ideas there! Yes, I am in camp 2. Love the volunteering idea!!

I'd be moving to camp 3 as well tbh! Also think secret Santa or children only presents is a good idea

Don't give money to camp 1 let them learn from their mistakes.

Stop giving them money. For their present, you can knock off some of what they owe you.

Yeah the answer is to stop lending them money. You know what they are like, and you're enabling them not to change.

YANBU

If you feel you have to see them, I'd say something beforehand along the lines of "looking forward to seeing you at christmas, please don't bother buying us presents - you can use what you would have spent on us to repay the debt and we'll knock what we would have spent on you off the money you owe us, I'm sure getting the weight of it off your mind will be better than anything we could buy you! tinkly laugh"

Defect to camp 3. They've got it sussed.

Write off the loan as their Xmas present (or all their future presents if its a lot) then move to Camp 3.

We buy for the kids only with a limit Of £10-15
Adult names get put in a hat, everyone then selects a name and buys for that person only!

I understand the frustration we have similar "camps" but I refuse to join in these days. The family member and DP both have very good jobs and 3 children to support, yet still think it's acceptable to get into situations were they need to "borrow" money from parents that are unable to work due to poor health but too young to draw their pensions!

My lovely GM always said "never a lender nor borrower be" and you never "lend" money to close friends/family - you "give" it. Then if it is paid back its an unexpected bonus and if not you don't lose the relationship over it! Sound advice but I don't think I could be that accepting!

If you are astute enough to have worked out you're in camp two-stop lending them money!!

it depends how much the debt is.

If we're talking £1000 or more that is a big xmas present. id rather get a crap present and not call off the debt.

Move to camp 3.

Be unavailable to spend Christmas with camp 1, if that means not seeing camp 3 as well, so be it. Spend Christmas just with people who aren't trying to use you.

If you can afford to write off the loans, do so, but make it clear the cost of that is no further loans, stick to it and start saying no.

Op have you thought about what you are going to do for Christmas