To want to judge a bit or at least feel shocked

[threelittlesnowdrops]

because my BIL who has 4 sons has a blatant favourite? SIL told me casually in an email, and I just can't imagine having a favourite child because I don't.

Do you?

Not good at all. Particularly if it is blatant as the children will all be aware of it.

interesting jajas, as his favourite is one of twins! they have a 7yo, 2.5yo twins and 8mo- all boys.

I absolutely do not have a favourite, or rather I do but it changes amongst the 3 of them about 50 times a day! If I did, no-one would ever, ever know.Not anyone.

It really troubled me to hear- dont really understand it tbh. And the oldest is v sensitive and had had his dad all to himself for 4 years or so...now his dad has another favourite

difficult one...I don't think you can controll how you feel, but I do think, that as an adult, we have the responsibilty to control how we act....

My brother was favoured over me (though parents deny it, they do so in a 'we-know-its-obviuos-but-wont-admit-it' kind of way!)

Anyway, it never really bothered me that much, it was just the way it was. my parents were extremely kind and loving to me, its just that i was the rebellious one, didnt follow the path they would have wanted, and my brother did. I wasnt as clever as him or as well behaved, and he was involved in lots of things my parents could enjoy and get involved in, like sports.. whereas I just liked to go out with friends!

Anyway - my brother was very aware and didnt want me to be left out (he's younger by the way) so as a result we are very close. Always have been. He would stick up for me all the time and make sure I didnt feel left out.

So its not always a bad thing to have a 'favourite'. It ended up okay for me as it made me and my brother so close.

Do you watch Ugly Betty? 2 weeks ago in the episode was a thing about how bettys dad 'prefers' her to her sister. Its a good example of how it can be okay I think.

As long as you are brought up in a loving environment and not blatantly excluded, then its okay to have one that you slightly 'prefer'.

(Sorry its very hard to word this without it sounding a bit strange!!)

that's interesting, bassmama. It sounds like your brother might have been under more pressure from your parents to 'perform' as he followed the same sort of interests and was considered 'bright'. That let you off the hook, a bit, so I can see how this could work to your advantage.

Back to the OP, I think it was really stupid of the SIl to put in an email of all things that your BIL has a favourite child. (Unless it really was a joke). That email could be saved and forwarded for years to come. It might be a casual comment now, but when her children are older, it could be very hurtful for them to read.

I think it's wrong to have one constant favourite child. And very wrong to tell other people of your choice.

I have said before... I dislike mine all equally!!!!

Love 'em all equally too!!!

They are all so different and have different things to offer a parent child relationship. It changes as they grow up.

I know , on the danger of being shot down in falmes....but if I was honest I would have to admit that I do prefer my ms over his brothers....however, I don't feel the need to act on it, if that makes sense...and I do love all my children.
I wonder though, if maybe I feel the way I do about my ms, because other people tend to always say more positive things about my es and ys, which makes me sad, as those peopel tend to be quickly on ms case if he sets a foot wrong.....iywkim....

I think it can happen that you see qualities in one of your children that make it easier to understand them and to feel closer,but love for all your children has to be completely unconditional and without favouritism

I always thought my little brother was favorite but now we are grown up he tells me he thought I was the favorite. Is that good parenting?!

I have three sons and I love them all the same, I love them differently though and one of them is a definite Daddys boy. Ds1 is mt favoritechild to go for a walk with, DS2 is the best at making me collpse in hysterics and DS3 is my favorite to ciddle in bed. They are all my favorite sometimes. I see nothing wrong with embracing qualities that I like.

I am however, very careful to treat them all equally.

I would just like to point out that we were definitely loved equally.

My brother may have been the 'favourite' but this didnt mean I was any less loved.

My dd1 is my favourite because she is my firstborn and will always be special. my dd2 is my favourite because after 10 years of trying for more, she is a miracle. My ds is my favourite because he is my only boy and my baby.

No, I don't have a favourite, I love both of them so much it scares me, and I admire them and they make me laugh and they are amazing. And they drive me round the bend. I don't feel smug or superior about it though, just relieved - I believe people can't help how they feel and it must be awful to prefer one child over the others and have to live with it and try to hide it. When I was carrying ds2 I worried myself sick about ds1 feeling replaced, and whether I would be able to love another child as much as I did him, etc etc. I feel lucky that I love them both equally.