Moody DH is like a teenager

[RoseRose217]

Hi, this is my first post on here just looking to get some opinions fro others as I'm not sure that I trust my judgement and I don't want to talk to friends about this.

My DP and I have been together around 2 years and live together. He has always been a little huffy and he says his dad is like this also but much much worse. I have noticed his dad be a little huffy at times but nothing too bad, although perhaps he is on his best behaviour around me

Neither of us are perfect and we get into a fair few arguments but most of the time we are generally happy, we want the same things and are a pretty good match for each other. We both love each other very much.

One of my DPs shortcomings is his temper and his moods. He gets frustrated and angry very easily. I am not used to seeing a man react like this, and it makes me scared, which he says is silly. E.g. Today he was watching TV and drinking tea on the sofa, while holding the remote. He spilt his (warm, not hot) tea on himself and the sofa. Most people would be annoyed with themselves for this but these things happen. He exclaimed a profanity and then slammed the TV remote down on to a glass coaster very loudly, I'm surprised it didn't shatter into a thousand pieces. This then put him in a bad mood for perhaps 45 mins. If i try to speak to him in this time I get met with sarcasm, generally huffiness and unhappiness.

In this example he is annoyed st himself rather than me, but I find the outburst scary and out of proportion. The sulkiness afterwards also seems extreme.

We don't have kids now but i worry that when they come along and accidents and spills happen more often that he will be a nightmare.

Other times it is more directed at me. If I ask him something when he is busy or tired or ill or has a sniffle, I get a moody sarcastic response that reminds me of the teenagers from Kevin and Perry. Tonight he was snoring so I went to sleep in the guest room, he woke up 5 mins later and sent me a text asking why I had left our bedroom, I went through and calmly said it was because he was snoring (he has a cold just now). Usually he argues with me and says he doesn't snore or that he hasn't been asleep yet and that I'm making it up, so I recorded a sound clip on my phone to play him in case he didnt believe me. I said to him calmly the snoring was very loud and that I recorded it in case he didn't believe me. He got extremely huffy, jumped out of bed, exhaled in a huffy teenage way, shouted something like 'for f*ks sake!', stomped to the spare room and angrily told me he would be sleeping in the spare room. I got annoyed and asked him to go back to bed, he wouldn't, so I snapped (I've had a whole day of his bad mood because he is tired and has a cold, these are just 2 examples out of about 10 huffy incidents today) and told him to 'pss off back to bed'. He then went back to bed.

I'm now in the spare room and wide awake

I should add that when he is not acting like a teenager he is very loving and would do anything for me - makes cuppas on demand, will drive to the shops to get me anything, cooks me breakfast, when I was ill last week he took time off work to drive me to docs and look after me (e.g. Cups of tea in bed). However I can never be sure when 'the teenager' will emerge, sometimes it's once a week, but on bad days like today it is about 10 times a day.

I'm just looking to get some input from others - anyone else got a DH like this? How do you cope with the moods? Any advice would be very appreciated.

Also am I being unreasonable to expect him to address and try to improve this behaviour? Should I just accept that it is who he is?

he says it is about tolerance, that it's not that bad and I should put up with it.

Pahahaha ha! The irony in this statement!

No kids, no ring, no brainer. Sure, go on! Give him the chance to have counselling and change, but don't marry him or get pregnant in the meanwhile.

Adult tantrums are so unattractive.

@seeingfae you obviously haven't read my post. My DP doesn't do the things you mention.

He doesn't punch things or dent things or damage them, he doesn't break things, he isn't violent, he doesn't get annoyed if I ask him to do something - he will happily help me with anything, go fetch things for me, make me snacks or drinks, give me lifts to friend places etc. Allwoth a smile - as I say in my post he does anything i ask of him. And he is a morning person - im the grumpy one in the morning.

What he does do is he gets annoyed if he does something that doesn't turn out perfect. When this happens he shouts (1 word, sentence or 'rrrr!) and then sometimes slams something e.g. A cup down on a surface, loud enough to make a noise but not break.

I am not used to people shouting and when he does this is scares me as I don't like shouting.

Your DH sounds horrid on the other hand.

Well done on calling him out on his behaviour, OP. I do the same with my man-child, who is the same with his temper at work and home. He is in the Navy which I think has infantilised him in some ways. He gets told in no uncertain terms when he is being unreasonable, and he's much Bryan he used to be. I hate the yelling into thin air thing, because even if it's not directed at me, it puts me on edge.

At least he doesn't stamp his feet anymore.

It is NOT a cultural difference. My husband is white BRITISH, with British parents, grand parents, grand grand parents... And you just described him!

I have been through a similar situation to you, OP.

My DH went through a phase of being a moody bastard. Flying off the handle at the slightest thing. I was constantly saying to him " is it really the end of the world?" As he would fly into a rage over trivial things such as me forgetting something off the shopping list. He would roll his eyes and sigh, storm around and come out with sarcastic comments. The kids dreaded him coming home from work and were treading on egg shells around him.

I was at my wits end and at one point decided that I wasn't going to take much more of it. The arguments were constant as I, stubborn as a mule, refused to back down. I told him either sort out his attitude or our marriage would be over as I wasn't going to be treated like a verbal punchbag any longer.

Turned out that he had been put on medication that ended up being the culprit for his mood swings. He has stopped the medication and is now back to being his normal self.

Has your DH always been like this. You mentioned something in your OP about him being tired. Is he on medication at all? Clutching at straws but worth asking.

RoseRose, but doing what you describe over a glass of split milk was the first sign, he would get moody like that whenever something didnt go his way or was not exactly like he wanted or he didnt get the reaction he expected or someone bumps into him in the street or is rude to him. He escalated to punching walls and kicking bins when we moved in together, its good that your dp is not as violent and is more helpful than mine, but the moodiness is the same and it is not good regardless.

You need to teach him to not sweat the small stuff or leave because walking on eggshells is very stressful and will not get easier

Its not a cultural difference but it is more prevalent in certain cultures and more acceptable espescially by women conditioned to think its normal.

My husbands mother tells me its normal and my husband mirrors his dad, its not normal or acceptable and op please see the wood for the trees and walk away like others say before it gets worse and before you have kids.

Im doing my escape plan but it so much harder when kids aren't involved.

Rose we have all read your posts and think his behaviour is unacceptable. I was you 20 years ago and I feel nothing but compassion for you. Listen to Anyfucker she is the voice of reason.

If he does go to counselling I recommend he sticks with it regularly for over a year before you consider marrying him or having children.

His temper and moods are extreme and he makes you scared when he is angry or tired. He gets into a bad mood for nearly an hour because he spills some tea on himself and you get sarcasm, sulkiness and huffiness. His behaviour over the snoring was completely obnoxious. This is not normal behaviour.

You are right to worry about any future children causing spills etc because they cause a hell of a lot of spills and their behaviour can be extremely challenging even for the most patient parents.

Take care of yourself and please don't think posters are getting at you. A lot of posters have been where you are and it didn't get better. We are just concerned for you.