To ask how much you plan on spending on DCs at Christmas?

[Snowflakes1122]

I ask because dc10 seems to have a lot of friends getting the iPhone 6 or 7 for Christmas. I'm talking 9/10 year old kids!

I was planning on spending £150 per child (we have 3 dcs)

What do you think is an acceptable amount to spend on your children at Christmas?

October lists mean I can spread the costs over two pay checks, that's why.

Queenliz, when you are on a very low income then £100 is a big purchase.

I probably overspend on my children for Christmas, around £500 each.

I normally get them something like:

Kindle
Headphones
Backpack
Cashmere jumper
watch
Amazon voucher

They're 10 and 14.

Waitrose 49K? Have you bought them a nice car?

A personal tv for a child is usually kept in their bedroom along with their games console, their computer/tablet computer and their wifi-enabled mobile phone. It just seems like some parents are encouraging their children to cloister themselves away in their bedrooms rather than drawing them in to family life. I don't think that has ever been considered a great parenting strategy but maybe the high cost of homes is partly driving this.

Growing up we had a family room with a shared TV and old-style computer but nowadays every child must have their own. Other people are of course free to make that choice for their children. I am free to think of it as generally a negative move. They don't learn how to share and be considerate and I reckon problems (online bullying, grooming, mental health issues) are more difficult to detect in older children because they don't spend much time with the rest of the family.

Autumn

It's like the Lego of computers basically they are building their own computers, coding them etc... ds now codes games.

this was ds first set

Charleston my DS is the only child still living at home, his brothers are much older. He has a TV, Xbox etc in his room because frankly I would rather him play online against his brothers and friends in a virtual world than sitting bored on the sofa. He does contribute to family life - he comes out with us, goes to cadets, cooks dinner, tells us about his day and so on, but really enjoys playing on his Xbox or watching YouTube videos in his room. His tastes in TV are different to ours too - why wouldn't they be? I personally can't see the harm in a TV in a child's room.

We've put the console downstairs She'sgot. Similar situation, only child living at home and I'd rather not encourage too much alone time. It means we moderate what we do in the living room, sometimes he's on headphones and we're reading, sometimes he'll watch something he's not interested in and often vice versa I just don't want his bedroom to be anymore his default space than it inevitably is.

Oh we're back to the TV again. He has a Wii U and an Xbox one (DP also plays this, it doesn't just belong to DS), he isn't online with either of them. The TV is used for gaming and Netflix kids, it doesn't have a TV areal so he can't watch any sort of TV channel on it. Between school, swimming, beavers, football, friends over and youth theatre he doesn't have time to sit for hours shut in his room. He will prob sit for half an hour after homework but before dinner playing skylanders or Lego dimensions. Yes he has an iPad which he is allowed to play with in the car on route to various activities. He doesn't have a phone, that is a long way away.

He is constantly building Lego, I'll sometimes sit with him in the room and build with him but if not he will stick Horrid Henry or Spongebob on while he plays, I'm happy with my parenting choices, he is a happy, sporty and active little boy, having a new tv will not suddenly turn him into a zombie as it is isn't going to do anything different than his little one does now, he'll just get to enjoy his screen and game time on a bigger screen and in 4K definition!

IminaPickle i do not need to justify anything to you or anybody else.

But when you put it out there, on a public message board, then people are going to comment.

I couldn't be doing with the console downstairs. The Wii is in the living room because we all use that, but I don't want to be sitting there while he yells through his headset to his brother or friend about the next enemy on the horizon. We only have one downstairs room apart from the kitchen. Don't all teens want to be alone? I certainly wouldn't have stuck around making polite conversation with my parents at 16 - I either wasn't home, or was listening to music in my room.

I do love the narrow mindedness of how having a tv/gadget means all over activities and family communication becomes obselete, maybe for you're families... however for us it's the polor opposite!

I just think of a 'big' present that they would like each and then buy a couple of little ones that I know they would like. I probably spend about £100 each give or take a little. I search around for the best price though and don't go overboard with the gifts.

DS1 would like a bike with gears this year, not too sure on DS2 yet (he doesn't particularly want anything (he's 4) and I am getting DD (nearly 3) a wooden dolls house as she keeps playing with the one in DS2 classroom.

I have been known to wrap up blu-tac and a magnifying glass as a little gift! haha!

Interesting range. We're at the lower end (£50-80 per child on main present, then a few £5 bits and pieces) despite having a pretty high joint income, but it's a very fair point that it's all relative to the rest of the year.

We don't have so much 'stuff', particularly as I'm not v clued up on gadgetry or cool brands, but our 4 kids do get to do loads of cool activities, holidays and hobbies which all adds up to far more than some of the expensive Xmas gifts mentioned on here.

Tbh, our biggest problem is working out what to get as the main present for them all. I trawl these threads for ideas!!

Doesn't sound like he gets to spend much time with his parents, Jellybean83. He's either doing things away from you, with other people or on his own. (Not a criticism, just an observation.)

He spends plenty of time with us, not so much DP because he works longer hours but I'm always there for the school run and all the other stuff in between. His activities take up 5 hours per week, two I stay for and watch as it's not worth driving home. Anytime he wants to quit something he just has to say.

It's a bit simplistic to say having a TV in a child/teenagers room means they aren't participating in family life. As others have said, it allows teenagers privacy to watch their own shows and hang with friends playing console games. I do wish people would stop with these either/or arguments such as TV in a bedroom = no family life as it's a glib and silly arguement style

I think there are probably many parents who, looking back, wish they'd given their teens less privacy. There is a balance to be struck as they grow older, yes, but surely parenting is about doing what you feel is best for your child, not what they want all the time?

How old is he Jellybean83?

What SheldonCRules said : As long as it's not about debt and the person has paid their bills, what they spend their salary on after that is down to them.

This - precisely. If someone wants to send 1k, 2k, whatever, and can afford it, it is no one else's business!!

My 2 will be 19 & 16.5 by xmas, they have definitely got more expensive as they got older, but then we are more comfortable financially and can afford more, as well as securing both ours and their future with ISAs and pensions.

However, we don't spoil them and have definitely never bought them anything to keep up with other kids. DS got his first iPhone last year, as a joint 18th/xmas present and pays his SIM only contract himself.

DD's contract is up for renewal so she is looking at a cheaper iPhone, with us still paying contract until she gets weekend work.

Not sure what DS will get, he is at uni so doesnt want much, we may look at a basic electronic keyboard he can use in halls (with headphones!!) as he plays a piano at home and is def missing playing it (has found an out of tune one he can play somewhere on campus). I think it helps him relax.

But, back to SheldonCRules point. When DS passed his driving test, we bought him a small run-around, he paid insurance out of his part time wages. The car was as much for our benefit - he was working 10miles away with poor public transport, so we were driving him there and back at weekends, whilst looking after my sick mum 70miles away. It put a lot of strain on us, as DH and I couldn't both go to support mum at weekends, so buying him a car was a no brainer. He knows if he wants it long term, he has to buy it off us, otherwise it will be used by DD when she learns next summer.

However, a friend expressed disgust when she found out that we bought him a car. Absolute disgust!!! I was astonished, esp as she has spent most of her considerable earnings paying for private primary to ensure her DDs got into a top grammar. I couldn't (and still can't) understand why it is OK for her to spend her spare cash in whatever way she pleases to benefit her kids, but not so for me & DH! We could afford it, it helped us if he had a car, so what on earth was my friend disgusted at?? I did try to ask, but didnt get a response!!

I grew up in a single parent family on benefits after my dad died. One of my best memories of my childhood is how long I believed in santa because of how amazing our stockings were every year, full of exactly the kind of plastic tat and day glo sweets that we were never allowed throughout the year. And never ever anything useful or practical.

When we brought those stockings into my mum in the morning she would always shake her head over how ridiculous Santa was and how he had spoiled us. Then she would give us her small, resolutely practical/aesthetically pleasing gift.

It was the best con job ever and I totally copy that with my own children who get a huge bag of whatever they damn well like on Christmas morning and think santa is the best thing ever.

Of course nobody should give into their child's every demand. A bit of privacy to teenagers to acknowledge that they are on the cusp of becoming adults is as important as family meals together. Family life is ever changing, what they need at 5 is different from 15 but if you've build good family foundations then hopefully they won't go off the rails too much. If you restrict too much or don't give any privacy then they'll be forced to carry out those activities elsewhere where you have no control as a parent.

Privacy is essential for a teenager, those who demand they spend no time alone in their rooms match my growing up. It was awful, truly awful.

Mine are allowed to go to their rooms wheneve they like, just as I am free to retreat and have some quiet time, watch my favourite show etc. Choice and freedom are important.

Neither make for a better parent, likewise tv or no tv doesn't make someone a better parent, lots of myths being peddled and assumptions made.

Christmas is supposed to be magical for children not a time to play Scrooge simply to teach a lesson. They can learn that the other 364 days a year.

DSS has his own consoles in his bedroom. I don't like him being on them too much but especially since we had DD he needs somewhere that is his own. DD wants to watch baby DVDs whilst playing in the living room (we have 2 up 2 down) and

All I buy is a Christmas goat wrapped in recycled paper.

I just can't help thinking that the level of spending is probably in no way proportionate to the level of enjoyment and appreciation. If children are expecting hundreds of pounds to be spent on their presents as a matter of course, it must lose its impact. I can imagine buying them something more expensive one year as a rarity, which they'd appreciate because it was unusual, but not every year. I just have visions of these kids tearing the wrapping off expensive gift after expensive gift and just being a bit 'meh - what's next?'. My dc would think a £50 present was generous, not scrooge-like!

We have one tv in our house. In fact I've never lived in a house with more than one tv. That didn't have any effect on the amount of privacy I had as a teen. My dc have always spent plenty of time in their rooms, reading, playing etc. You don't need a tv in your room to have privacy.