WIBU to withdraw DD from child care over this

[hootabellesafeminist]

My 13mo DD started child care this week. I was already feeling a bit iffy about the place after our orientation, as it seemed a rather ramshackle operation: it's in an old converted house, there's washing hanging out everywhere, it's fairly dirty and, worst of all, there was crap all over the floor of the 0-2 room, including bits of foam piping from a craft activity and lots of bits of tan bark (about 3cm long) from the outside play area, both of which seemed to me to be an obvious choking hazard. There was also a bean bag right next to a toddler who was sleeping in a little conclave out of everyone's sight (although there was a carer in the room proper). However, it was the first centre to offer us a place (two days a week) and as I need to find a job, I took it despite my misgivings.

Anyhow, today was DD's second day and when I went to pick her up one of the carers told me that she'd had a choking incident with a piece of tan bark. They'd had to turn her upside down and hit her on the back until it fell out, but afterwards she was 'fine'. The carer then asked me rather patronisingly if DD had a 'problem' with putting stuff in her mouth that she shouldn't, to which I answered, 'Well, she's 13 months!' (?!!) But I didn't say anything else apart from asking them to watch her more carefully next time, as I'm not good at confrontation, and I was also kind of shaken, TBH.

After telling DM about this, I said I wanted to withdraw DD as I didn't feel the centre was safe, but DM pooh-poohed this and said I was making too much out of one incident. She said it was more important to DD's wellbeing that I find work (I'm a single mother BTW) and also that she needs to go to child care to learn not to do things like eat tan bark. She also said the fact that the centre informed me about the incident showed that they were responsible and honest, and many other centres wouldn't even have told me about it.

But I still have this horrible nagging feeling that DD isn't safe there. I'm actually feeling sick in the stomach thinking about next Wednesday when she's due to go back there. AIBU? Would you withdraw your child from child care over something like this?

[Aeroflotgirl]

Your dd choked on something that shoukd not have been within a babies reach almost killing her. You need to report them! They sound extremely unsafe and negligent.

[Aeroflotgirl]

I don't care if the staff have degrees or not, that does not necessarily make a good nursery worker, they shoukd have a love and commitment to the job, have relevant nursery qualifications.

[happyandsingle]

you only have to read the other comments user to see that there are nursery workers with degrees and NVQS.
And yes you did hit a nerve as I have a degree and work in a childcare related industry.....so I know your talking shite.

[user1477427207]

you dont work in a nursery though do you happy?

[Bostonbullsmumma]

Have a look at the Millie's Trust website this will inform you how to deal with a choking child they clearly don't know how to - could have had a very different outcome. the parents of Millie are doing a fantastic job of raising awareness of choking.

[Chickoletta]

Sounds awful - unsafe and unhygienic. I would also report the incident today.

[hazeyjane]

I work in an early years setting, have A levels, a degree and am doing an NVQ level 3 ( 3 other members of staff in my setting also have degrees) - the other 4 have NVQ level 3s and each of them have between 15 and 30 years experience of working with children. More importantly we are all passionate about working with children, and professional in the way we work, despite the shit pay.

Also I fucking hate the way the way that these places are staffed by undereducated people on a minimun wage who then think they can talk to you like shit (does she have a problem, my arse) because they are 'childcare professionals'

Just copying and pasting that, to remind you of why you might have 'touched a nerve' with your rather insulting and sweeping statement.

OP - hope you are able to sort out better childcare, that sounds appalling.

[happyandsingle]

I think you have touched a nerve with quite a few people user.

[Aeroflotgirl]

My ds 4 goes to holiday club, I doubt if they are educated to degree level, but they are amazing and ds always comes out happy and wanting to go again, that is the main thing.

[crispandcheesesanwichplease]

Definitely don't send her back there. Bollocks to what your mum or anyone else thinks. And make a complaint to ofsted.

[MistressMolecules]

Take her out please. That place sounds awful, your DM surprises me that she would be happy for her grandchild to be in an unsafe environment . As her mum, the best thing you can do is trust your gut and remove her. Hope both she and you are OK

[Hellochicken]

user1477427207

"touched a nerve" makes it sound like nursery staff would be sensitive to you highlighting some truth.

Undereducated people who talk to you like shit. Doesnt describe any nursery workers I know or any that look after my DCs. So you are wrong and haven't hit a nerve so much as made an insulting generalisation.

[happyandsingle]

I know I had to laugh when user used that touch a nerve comment.
She thought she was big and clever.
She has just shown what an ignorant fool she is.

[SylvieB74]

Take her out look around for somewhere else, another nursery or independent childminder. There's no urgency, you haven't even got a job yet? Trust your own instincts a bit more, you are her mother 😌

[user1477427207]

" she thought she was big and clever "

oh dear you have been working in that nursery too long havent you?

[Lovegood91]

Another nursery worker here with a-levels who is working towards a degree. Many of the people I work with currently and in the past have degrees (in my current job over half have degrees). However many of the less qualified staff I have worked with have been fantastic with the children and parents and very professional.

[MrsDc7]

Jesus Christ, take your child out of there immediately and report them to OFSTED. No job should ever come before your child's safety. Wake up before it's too late

[CocktailQueen]

Op, your child could have DIED.

Take her out and report the nursery. Sounds awful.

[Rainingchocolate]

user1477427207 - wow! You do know a Level 3 Childcare qualification is equivalent to 3 A Levels? In additon several of my staff have Level 4, 5 and 6. I have degree and EYPS.

[MrsDc7]

I'm amazed that after visiting and finding the place dirty and full of choking hazards, you left your child there?

[Laineymc7]

I would definitely withdraw her. They should be watching her closely and should have noticed. It's their fault. My dd is 17 months and I still have to stop her putting stuff in her mouth. She's at nursery and they always watch her. Trust your gut with childcare you can't be too careful.

[user1477282676]

I'm in Oz too and this is in no way normal OP. I'm in S.A....the childcare places I've seen are if anything, even fussier than the UK ones in terms of health and safety.

[Rolocookies]

This is turning into cancel the cheque she's going to remove her and has reported the nursery.

[tiredviolet]

Always go with your gut feeling!! I would with draw DD just on the feeling on orientation. Good luck

[PresidentOliviaMumsnet]

Oh look, a handy link to our talk guidelines