WIBU to withdraw DD from child care over this

[hootabellesafeminist]

My 13mo DD started child care this week. I was already feeling a bit iffy about the place after our orientation, as it seemed a rather ramshackle operation: it's in an old converted house, there's washing hanging out everywhere, it's fairly dirty and, worst of all, there was crap all over the floor of the 0-2 room, including bits of foam piping from a craft activity and lots of bits of tan bark (about 3cm long) from the outside play area, both of which seemed to me to be an obvious choking hazard. There was also a bean bag right next to a toddler who was sleeping in a little conclave out of everyone's sight (although there was a carer in the room proper). However, it was the first centre to offer us a place (two days a week) and as I need to find a job, I took it despite my misgivings.

Anyhow, today was DD's second day and when I went to pick her up one of the carers told me that she'd had a choking incident with a piece of tan bark. They'd had to turn her upside down and hit her on the back until it fell out, but afterwards she was 'fine'. The carer then asked me rather patronisingly if DD had a 'problem' with putting stuff in her mouth that she shouldn't, to which I answered, 'Well, she's 13 months!' (?!!) But I didn't say anything else apart from asking them to watch her more carefully next time, as I'm not good at confrontation, and I was also kind of shaken, TBH.

After telling DM about this, I said I wanted to withdraw DD as I didn't feel the centre was safe, but DM pooh-poohed this and said I was making too much out of one incident. She said it was more important to DD's wellbeing that I find work (I'm a single mother BTW) and also that she needs to go to child care to learn not to do things like eat tan bark. She also said the fact that the centre informed me about the incident showed that they were responsible and honest, and many other centres wouldn't even have told me about it.

But I still have this horrible nagging feeling that DD isn't safe there. I'm actually feeling sick in the stomach thinking about next Wednesday when she's due to go back there. AIBU? Would you withdraw your child from child care over something like this?

[2kids2dogsnosense]

Ofsted!! Call them!!

^^^THIS!

There shouldn't be "bits of bark" or indeed, any stuff all over the floor - especially random rubbish ("bits of bark" is hardly a toy that they missed putting away).

Blaming a 13-month old for acting in an age appropriate manner doesn't sound very professional, and surely if she had had something hard stuck so firmly in her throat that they had to turn her upside down and hit her hard on the back, she should have been taken to A and E to make sure that a) there were no minor lacerations, and b) that whatever it was wasn't poisonous.

I would also think that being "attacked" in this matter by strangers (seeing this from your child's perspective) would mean that she isn't going to settle very quickly - assuming she survives the week.

[shirleyknotanotherbot]

If you believe it is an unsafe environment for children you should report it to Ofsted. You should also, imo, call the manager and tell her about your concerns. And I wouldn't send her back until happy, which would probably be never as they have lost your trust.

[liquidrevolution]

it's not good enough for her

This!

Put your name down at other better places. Spaces come up quicker than you think Nd of you are down on several lists them you can decide what to do when the time comes.

[MrsA2015]

Don't send her there, trust your gut and common sense!

[BaggyCheeks]

YANBU. How they can blame a 13 month old for choking on bark that they have lying around (!!!) is beyond me.

[hootabellesafeminist]

Thanks for the reassurance everyone that I am not crazy. I am a rather paranoid first-time mum (wouldn't even let smokers hold her until she turned one) and I was worried that maybe I was overreacting. Yes, my gut says to get her out of there and I will!

ChasedByBees, I'm in Australia and the centre meets or exceeds (!) all the regulatory standards in my state. This also caused me to doubt my instincts when I first saw the place, because I thought, well, they've passed all the standards, so they must know what they're doing...

Yes, being a single mum does make me feel a bit more desperate, I suppose, and I also feel guilty for relying on my mother for help so much - she looks after DD for 2-3 hours most days while I rest/clean/run errands and I can see it's taking a toll on her. She probably felt gutted when I said I was thinking about withdrawing DD, as she is desperate for a break (as am I). However, we are on the waiting list at another, much better run place, so I will just stick it out until we get a place there and also talk to DM about her doing less until then.

TBH I hadn't considered reporting the centre, but now that others have mentioned it, I think I must. If it's not safe for my child it's not safe for anybody's child.

[Mummyoflittledragon]

Just piping up to say don't listen to your mother. You are the mother now. She needs to stand aside. Great that you want to get a job but your dd comes first.

Definitely report to Ofsted and demand a refund payment.

[Pikawhoo]

You'd never forgive yourself if you took her back and something happened (which frankly sounds likely given the state of the place).

Also, they weren't following current best practice for treating a choking child. They shouldn't have been holding her upside down; she should have been placed on a lap for back blows and given abdominal thrusts if that didn't work.

This NHS guidance explains what should be done and says clearly that the best way to avoid choking is to make sure that small objects are kept out of your young child's reach: www.nhs.uk/Conditions/pregnancy-and-baby/Pages/helping-choking-baby.aspx

I'd raise a complaint with Ofsted to make sure this doesn't happen to other children.

[OlennasWimple]

I don't know about Australian rules and regulations, but is it possible that the last inspection was a while ago and standards have seriously slipped since?

[Mummyoflittledragon]

Omg the standards in your parts don't seem very high

I'm sure you're tired. You are actually really lucky to have help from your mum. Perhaps cut back on that until you get a new place in the better run nursery.

[GettingitwrongHauntingatnight]

Take her out. Shes a baby.

[DanicaJones]

The carer then asked me rather patronisingly if DD had a 'problem' with putting stuff in her mouth that she shouldn't

WTF!

[Thefishewife]

Ring your local council they can give you a list of childminders op


Your fist feeling is usually right

[hootabellesafeminist]

Mummyoflittledragon, it's shaken my faith in the Australian child care system too!

I am sooooo lucky to have my mother's help, I know. I would not have gotten through the first year without her, and she is absolutely brilliant with DD, but I will have to ask her to do less now, as she is nearly 70 and truly exhausted. I think that was what was behind her initial reaction to this incident - she adores DD but it's just too much for her.

'You are the mother now'

Yes, another issue with having DM around most days is that I tend to slip into the 'child' role and defer to her judgment, forgetting that I am the one ultimately responsible for my child.

[Hellochicken]

Take her out. Also if you cant confront them then please write to them about the choking hazards.

Find another place.

Yes, sometimes I feel you have to accept some compromise/otherways of doing things/that your own child is not the only one there . . . but you have to have peace of mind when they are there.

You had misgivings from the start and I don't think this is because you were reluctant for her to go.

[nat73]

If you don't have a good feeling about the place leave.

[Hellochicken]

xpost multiple sorry!

[Atenco]

I am actually shocked that they would leave choking hazards around toddlers. And then not understand that they all put things in their mouths. My dgd is over three and still occasionally puts things in her mouth that she shouldn't.

[anothermalteserplease]

Don't hesitate to take her out. It doesn't sound great at all. Are you applying for work just now? Would you be able to reduce the help your mum gives you now in case you need to ask her to help out a bit more if you need cover between you getting a job and getting another childcare place?

[Beeziekn33ze]

OP - I hope you can find somewhere clean and safe for your little girl. I've seen several nurseries and of course their standards vary but that one sounds unsafe for small children. Your initial impression was all too soon proved right by your own child choking.
IMHO reporting the place, or at least getting access to their inspection records first, would be a duty to other parents.

[Softkitty2]

For a child carer to not know the stages of development and find it surprising that a child that young was putting things in their mouth will make me conclude they do not know children.

This could have ended differently and for them to be so blase is shocking. Find another nursery.

Safety first.

[Willow2016]

Out out out.

I would also be having her throat checked for any damage. If its a piece of bark from a play area it is quite big to have gone down her throat and could have irritated it.

Go with your gut as your were proved right. There shouldnt be so many small bits on the floor in a baby/toddler room thats just crazy. It only takes a second for a baby to pop something in its mouth and next time it may not be easy to dislodge.

I would also report to whoever does the inspections and tell them about the mess everywhere (if they were warned an inspection was coming they would have obviously tidied up before they came) and the choking incident. Maybe prevent something similar happening to another child?

[user1471531273]

Your gut instinct is telling you something for a reason. Please do not ignore it.

[Pollaidh]

Hmm, my kids are at an award winning nursery that has all sorts of chokables, and real saws and stuff all over the place. But it is clean and the children are happy and well supervised.

What particularly worries me about your report is that tipping a child upside down to stop choking has not been standard first aid procedure for decades. I'd be concerned staff first aid training was lax.

[Trifleorbust]

Babies put things in their mouths. The CM needs to be more vigilant than this. I would remove her because it doesn't sound safe.