WIBU to withdraw DD from child care over this

[hootabellesafeminist]

My 13mo DD started child care this week. I was already feeling a bit iffy about the place after our orientation, as it seemed a rather ramshackle operation: it's in an old converted house, there's washing hanging out everywhere, it's fairly dirty and, worst of all, there was crap all over the floor of the 0-2 room, including bits of foam piping from a craft activity and lots of bits of tan bark (about 3cm long) from the outside play area, both of which seemed to me to be an obvious choking hazard. There was also a bean bag right next to a toddler who was sleeping in a little conclave out of everyone's sight (although there was a carer in the room proper). However, it was the first centre to offer us a place (two days a week) and as I need to find a job, I took it despite my misgivings.

Anyhow, today was DD's second day and when I went to pick her up one of the carers told me that she'd had a choking incident with a piece of tan bark. They'd had to turn her upside down and hit her on the back until it fell out, but afterwards she was 'fine'. The carer then asked me rather patronisingly if DD had a 'problem' with putting stuff in her mouth that she shouldn't, to which I answered, 'Well, she's 13 months!' (?!!) But I didn't say anything else apart from asking them to watch her more carefully next time, as I'm not good at confrontation, and I was also kind of shaken, TBH.

After telling DM about this, I said I wanted to withdraw DD as I didn't feel the centre was safe, but DM pooh-poohed this and said I was making too much out of one incident. She said it was more important to DD's wellbeing that I find work (I'm a single mother BTW) and also that she needs to go to child care to learn not to do things like eat tan bark. She also said the fact that the centre informed me about the incident showed that they were responsible and honest, and many other centres wouldn't even have told me about it.

But I still have this horrible nagging feeling that DD isn't safe there. I'm actually feeling sick in the stomach thinking about next Wednesday when she's due to go back there. AIBU? Would you withdraw your child from child care over something like this?

[Mia1415]

Take her out and report!. The setting should be clean and they should have rung you when the incident happened. Was it in the accident book?

Trust your gut instinct. If something feels not right it probably isn't.

[MothersGrim]

I'd also like a doctor to look over her just double check her throat is alright after choking.

[Mishaps]

I really would NOT send my child there; and I would inform OfSted - seriously; another child might not be so lucky as yours. In this instance I would ignore your mother - she is wrong (and I am a grandmother myself). A room in a nursery with under 3s should be totally free from choking hazards. This is disgraceful.

[Chikara]

Agree - take her out. I know that sometimes needs must but trust your instinct on this.

[hootabellesafeminist]

Just wanted to pop back to say thanks so much to all the posters here for the opinions and advice. I now feel much more secure in trusting my own judgment on this. I will no longer fret about this, just withdraw DD and report the centre to ACECQA (the regulatory body for CC in Oz, as I've just discovered).

[museumum]

Sounds awful. Well done for trusting your instincts.
My ds has been in nursery (two different ones) from 6mo old and I've never come across attitudes as lax as you have.

[user1472334322]

I'd definitely take dd out. Children always put things in their mouths. Both my ds did for a quite a whole. In fact ds2 who's just 2 still does. I'd worry for her safety. I'm not up with the Australian system either, being a kiwi in the UK. ..but if the standards there are that bad I'd call the government group that looks after childcare. Is there a childminding register in your state/area? I'd look into that for dd as she is quite little still. I had ds1 with a childminder at that age and then sent him to preschool/nursery when he was 3. Ds2 starts there next week as I too want to go back to work, but I trust the preschool implicitly, that's the main thing. Good luck and I hope you find somewhere thats right for dd.

[Airtis]

OP ~ you have done the right thing. Unless it happened just before you arrived then they should have contacted you and informed you of the incident as soon as it happened.

[miserablesod]

Omg no way. Take her out, you will never relax otherwise!

I was a room leader in a baby room. Every morning, after snack/lunch/tea/craft time i would look all around the floor for little bits of food or crafty bits that babies could choke on. Babies put things in their mouth, its part of their learning and development. Surely the nursery worker should understand this. If not she shouldn't be working in a baby/toddler room imo

[happyandsingle]

user 207 or whatever fucking name you hide behind what a cheek to say nursery staff are uneducated yes it's true money is very poor for childcare workers despite the big responsibility we have for taking care of your little angels but studying for a childcare qualification means we do learn and study to be in this type of role and yes it's normally for NMW and dealing with snooty parents to boot.
Thankfully we do get the nice and appreciative parents as well.

[Aeroflotgirl]

I would remove her, they don't sound very good at all. That bark shoukd not be there in the first place. She is a baby, they put stuff in their mouths.

[user1477427207]

If that was directed at me, happy, I am not hiding behind any name, thank you.
IME nursery staff ARE relatively uneducated. I certainly never met one with A levels or a degree. It is a NMW job as you say.

[user1477427207]

...and I mean no offence to some of the excellent staff at nurseries.

[user1471494124]

Definitely remove her. Sounds horrid!

[user1471494124]

Many of the workers at my daughter's have a degree, and the others tend to be working towards one.

[happyandsingle]

so you are only educated if you have a degree or A levels? I think you are insulting a lot of people with your sweeping generalisation of nursery staff and sadly I know of people with degrees in NMW jobs so that proves nothing except there are a lot of underpaid workers out there.

[user1477427207]

" there are a lot of underpaid workers out there."
Well I cannot disagree with that.

[user1477427207]

and Happy, yes A levels or a degree are a bit of an educational benchmark, that is why they exist...obviously there are also eg NVQs and so on...

[QuilliamCakespeare]

I wouldn't have put her there in the first place under those circumstances I'm afraid. I'd also be be tempted to give Ofsted a ring to be honest and I'm not normally one to kick up a fuss. It doesn't sound safe/

[happyandsingle]

nursery workers do require NVQS some have degrees. ....just found your comments very snooty.

[user1477427207]

well I am sorry if I hit a nerve happy and I know a degree is not everything but on the whole, because it is a NMW job, nursery workers tend not to be over educated. I have certainly never met one with a degree.

[happyandsingle]

user you can go and crawl back up your own arse now. Have a good night.

[Willow2016]

I know plenty of child minders with degrees and nvq's and other qualifications (I have a few myself!)
Also all the nursery workers I know are doing nvq3 and upwards and some degrees.
Yes when you first go into nursery work you may not have these but all the nurseries around here put their staff through these qualifications as it is necessary for them to continue in the childcare sector.

[user1477427207]

oh dear I really did hit a nerve didnt I?