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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Or is DH about this car?

39 replies

whiteblankpage · 28/10/2016 07:44

The lease on my car ended before we had managed to sort the new one, resulting in me being without a car for around 3 weeks. I have been able to manage for about 95% of the time, but I have 3 DC, I work in another town and some days I would have really struggled to get where I need to be.

Because of this, my ex husband, who I get along totally fine with, share custody with etc, said that he had a car that I could borrow for a couple of days, no problem. Nothing fancy, a bit of an old banger in fact that he absolutely hates, but you know what, it got me from A to B and I was very grateful I could get to work easily. So I borrowed it for 2 days last week, and again 2 days this week.

However last night, suddenly realised that the car seat for youngest DC was in borrowed car, and my DH needed it in his car for dropping off st childcare. No problem I think - I'm washing the pots, but say to DH could you please grab the car seat before I forget and put it in your car, otherwise we'll be doing it at 6:30 tomorrow morning.

He replies, 'no, I'm not having anything to do with that car' Confused Thinking he is joking and I just haven't got it, I laugh, carry on cleaning up and only realise about 15 minutes later that he's not done the car seat switch.

I asked him if he was being serious, he said yes, so I went out and did it. Came back in, DH asked if I'm pissed off. I've been accused (and guilty) in the past of saying everything is 'fine', so I said actually yes I am a bit pissed off, I think you're being juvenile, leaving me to do a stupid little job just because the car belongs to my ex. He's done me, your wife, a massive favour, and you deciding to have nothing to do with the car doesn't offend my ex, it just creates more work for me.

Cue to my husband barely speaking to me for the rest of the night and leaving this morning without a word. Is it me or him?

OP posts:
Billben · 28/10/2016 08:32

Has he shown signs of jealousy towards your ex before? He is a numpty so just remind him that getting along with an ex where children are involved is a lot less work then not getting along with them

TheMaddHugger · 28/10/2016 08:32

Sounds like he is feeling less than perfect casue the ex husband had to come to the rescue.

He'll get over it

He's a Wanker

mum2Bomg · 28/10/2016 08:33

Silly man - is his pride hurt because he couldn't help and your ex could? Enjoy the view up there! Smile

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 28/10/2016 08:43

If your ex has a 'spare' car lying about that he doesn't need, maybe you should offer to buy it off him? It seems strange to me to have a taxed MOT'd car just sitting about? Confused

Is your dh annoyed/threatened because he didn't know you were in contact with your ex? It's a male pride thing I suppose.

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 28/10/2016 08:49

Whoops, just noticed you share custody so of course you're in contact with your ex. Ignore me!

Redken24 · 28/10/2016 08:58

I think I can understand why he is "prickly" about the car - but he has made himself look a right tit.
Its actually quite refreshing to hear about stories where exes get on for a change.

ineedamoreadultieradult · 28/10/2016 09:05

He is being very childish

DancingPenguin1 · 28/10/2016 09:41

Agree it's ridiculously petty of him. It's good to see you and your ex have a good relationship for the kids.

Sciurus83 · 28/10/2016 09:51

What a monumental douchebag!! I don't think I could stop unleashing the 7th circle of hell in this scenario. Is he usually this jealous/unreasonable? If nothing else your ex lent you the car for the welfare of his own children! This is nuts!

Blowninonabreeze · 28/10/2016 10:14

Do you think he couldn't be arsed to do the seat, so, without thinking, decided to use the fact it was your ex's car as an excuse?

Split second thinking making him look like a jealous twat rather than 'just' a lazy twat!

Blu · 28/10/2016 10:23

It's not you, it's him.
But maybe ask him to explain why he won't have anything to do with the car?
(He will sound twice as daft in his own words).
Might be more complicated / deeper than the car.
He was awkward and needlessly unhelpful, you were pissed off and accused him Of things you assumed were behind that , he is now more pissed off...
You need to talk about it.

whiteblankpage · 28/10/2016 10:56

Yep, we spoke about it - as many of you suggested, he was feeling insecure and petty, which once he'd spoken aloud, realised how ridiculous and selfish he sounded. I've had an apology, genuine I think.

We do all normally get on great - husband number one is a brilliant father, we talk every day, share everything with regards to kids, but honestly... we were absolutely rubbish married!! Much better apart and the kids agree.
Husband number 2 has his moments - sometimes a bit sulky, passive aggressive, but don't we all? For the most part we're a much better fit, which is why last night's behaviour was a bit Confused

OP posts:
YelloDraw · 28/10/2016 10:59

but saying "fine" was not right way to resolve the issue.

She didn't! She said in a mature and reasonably way what was up!

Blu · 28/10/2016 12:03

Glad you have moved forward, OP.

Perhaps he feels he isn't up to the Great Dad Material of your ex?

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