To think shut the fuck up? (I am.) (Also gross post warning - sick)

[FourForYouGlenCoco]

So DH has picked up a D&V bug.

He is a really noisy puker. REALLY. He may as well sit there and shout.
Bathroom is next to bedroom.

Between 4am and now he's woken me up 4x, hurling copiously at top volume. Rather than feeling sympathetic and sorry for him I'm just laid here wishing he'd shut up. And feeling a bit pissed off that he's brought the dreaded lurgy into the house and therefore I'll be spending my morning disinfecting the entire sodding bathroom.

So AIBU to think he should learn to vom quietly like every other fucker?!

(In my defence, I have a 4yo and 3mo, and it's half term, so sleep is pretty precious right now, but even so, IABVU and a bitch, I know. Poor DH with his mean, unsympathetic wife )

Maybe the problem is he's putting his head in the toilet to vomit? He's causing the noise to echo like a loud speaker.

Haha my DH is exactly the same, I've never heard anything like it in my life and thought he was unique! He woke an entire corridor of families on holiday last year with an unfortunate midnight vommitting bug. People shining torches on him to see what the unearthly noise was. The shame.
I'm the complete opposite, totally silent. I can be ill in our ensuite toilet and dh will be unaware. I can choose to be noisy too though but I don't think my dh can (or has ever tried to) choose to be quiet I do try to be sympathetic to his illness but it's hard when you can't stop laughing.

Oh I have a shout sneezer as well, there's no excuse for it (he can sneeze quietly when he chooses to). You can't help how you vomit, but you can help the ridiculous 'raaaah, blaaaah, splurrrt' that follows. I wouldn't be amused at being woken at 3am either to be honest (my sympathy is between the hours of 9am-9pm ).

I'm a big loud puker and I swear I can't help it...it's totally involuntary. And yes, I realise it...foul.

OP you have my sympathies. My dp has a 'put on' noisy cough. Bloody annoying, especially at 4:00am. Usually means he wants attention. Hasten to say, he doesn't get any.

Though dh is a superfluous, shouty sneezer and it makes me want to punch him in the face.

I have been known to stare at him coldly and say, "Get a grip of yourself."

ExDh sounded like a dinosaur.

It was bizarre. He would roar. Very loudly.

Am clearly the worst wife ever, according to some people here who no doubt would leap for joy if their OHs woke them up in the middle of the night, making disgusting noises a few feet away

0ldusername yes! Excellent phonetic description - it's like "HNNGARGHHYEUUURGHKK" made me feel quite ill myself tbh.

Also YES to the sneezing and the nose blowing. Both also done at maximum volume. He wakes the 3mo old up most nights and sometimes at 6am when he leaves for work, blowing his nose like a trumpet. Clearly I just have a very loud DH.

Fwiw, I adore the man beyond all reason and measure. He is the love of my life, my better half, my one true soulmate. I have cleaned and disinfected the bathroom, put all the plague-covered towels in on a boil wash, and just now when he shuffled downstairs, I made soothing, loving, sympathetic noises and told him to call if he needed anything, anything at all. I gently 'mm-hmm'ed as he elaborated on the details of his vomiting experience. At no point did I say "I FUCKING KNOW, I'VE BEEN LISTENING TO IT ALL FUCKING NIGHT."
I think I've done my bit, frankly.

DH voms at a medium level but I am a loud sneezer. I can sort of control the volume but it hurts and I pulled my neck muscles doing it once so I only try if it's like the theatre or something.

I have never had complaints about the level of my vomming. But loud pukers, whilst I do feel sorry for them, are really annoying when you're trying to be quiet!

Sorry but that's crazy, firstly it's not his fault he got ill and secondly after coping with crazy pregnancy sickness myself I can tell you there is no way to control how noisily you throw up or not. He's probably feeling absolutely horrendous and you're thinking this way about him rather than how awful he is feeling and trying to be sympathetic and help. Honestly!

There's always one who misses the disclaimer.

OP you're a saint. Have a well-disinfected high-five for that and I hope you don't catch it.

And you can train yourself to be sick quietly. It's very hard to do at first because you have to force yourself to be quiet, but it becomes second nature.

I had 'mild' hyperemesis, wanted to keep my job and not completely repulse my colleagues.

YABU vomiting is an involuntary action.

Would you want him to choke on it?
He involuntarily got a sickness bug. It's not like he was out drinking.

You sound unkind.

I managed to modify the amount of noise I made when I had "morning" all bloody day sickness. I don't think I was a massively loud puker, but I didn't want to wake anyone up in the night and I didn't want to be noisily puking in the toilets at work. Might upset the customers and heaven forfend that!
I found I just had to really try hard to relax. It was coming out anyway, so why force it? That, for me at least, seemed to be where the noise was coming from.
My Dh is a relatively quiet vommer, but when he sneezes he throws his head forwards really hard and practically bends in half. People stop and stare.
I have to go and hide if I need to blow my nose as I seem to have inherited a trombone instead of normal sinuses. Thanks Dad.

How have we managed to jump from me not wanting to be woken up at 4am by deafeningly loud retching, to wanting my DH to choke on his own vomit?! Jesus Christ.

Nineties your Dad at Chessington story made me properly LOL. Sounds like the kind of thing DH would do!

Perhaps its the violence of the bug?

We all had one a few years ago (DSis said it sounded like norovirus). I was only sick on one occasion but at that time I must have puked about 12 times, totally uncontrollably, and was embarrassed as aware that I sounded like the T-Rex in Jurassic park.

DH got it a couple of days later and was also "Raaaaah!!" so I felt a bit better.

Normally I'm just "puke 'n' go."

Sorry, I'm laughing here. Some of the descriptions are brilliant. Well done OP on being so kind while thinking very different thoughts . Thankfully I haven't thrown up in years, but I think I am quiet about it. I try to be a really quiet sneezer, but I still can't manage dainty little sounds like some people do. . I don't shout-sneeze though or bend over with the force.

DH makes unearthly fucking noises when he pukes as well. It doesn't help that I have emetophobia and the noise alone can give me a panic attack.

It's such an awful thing to listen to, so YANBU!

I truly can't bear the loud sneezing - it really startles me. I am the first one to admit that when I am alone in the house I can sneeze really loud - just because I can - but when others are present I am much quieter.

The other day I honestly thought my heart had stopped when a seven-year-old sneezed - really it was incredibly loud. I did comment on how loud it was and she proudly agreed and said she couldn't help it.

Is it true - can people really not help it and therefore am I special ?

Maybe some people just can't help it, Kaitlinktm? I dated a bloke that not only sneezed violently but was also very loud in the sack. He was very vocal about his orgasms and said he couldn't help that either.
I wonder if it goes hand in hand?

I've taught myself to be quiet with all bodily functions now I know the hell of a baby woken in the night.

DD2 sounds like a pterodactyl when she hiccoughs. No naice gentile hiccoughs here, more of a BRRRRAAAAACCCKK at top volume.

YASNBU!

My Dh thinks the whole world needs to know he is being sick or sneezing!

My mum is a melodramatic loud shouty puker who makes this weird rattling shouting noise. You can hear her from the street.

As another hypermesis survivor I definitely think you have some control.

I've got a forced cougher...
Mouth open, force it from the throat, jerk with each cough.
FFS.
I totally blank it. And the whinging.

I'm a loud puker. I can't help it, it's just that loud retching followed by a minute long groan as I wipe the vomit from my nostrils and mouth. Worst is when it comes out of your nose, yuck!

However I sneeze like a mouse so I'm not all bad.

YAB a bit U, he probably can't help it and it's not like it's going to last forever.