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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To refuse baby clothes loan...

39 replies

UpDown · 27/10/2016 09:18

I live in an area with very affluent pockets, and have some very high earning friends. Had this situation a few times...

Friend sees baby needs new items of clothing, has beautiful designer items and brings them for me to borrow. Seriously expensive stuff, looks unworn despite their child using it. It's a loan, for as long as o need the items. However I think I have caused offence with new friend, her sister popped by with items for me (out the blue having seen need) and I politely said thank you but gave them back. Explained I was nervous about losing or marking items. I didn't want to keep them safe in house either, as always the risk of dh having a random clear out or passing on not knowing what it is (this once happened with reusable nappies I never used but were dropped off for ds1)

Friend is now offended as baby is in lots of other clothes from another friend. But these are cheap supermarket items that have been through multiple babies and I can do as I wish with. I'm not one to fuss if they are the wrong gender frankly. Baby doesn't care.

Surely no one accepts loans of baby clothes, however good the intent or beautiful the items are, as it's a quick recipe for a fallout when the toddler rips/ marks them or you leave outer layers in a playgroup....? Or am I miserable

OP posts:

drspouse · 27/10/2016 10:22

furry she may have wanted to minimise landfill, as eventually all those new baby clothes will probably end up there.

YADNBU, and it's odd how everyone on this thread says no, don't borrow baby clothes, why would the original owner think they can have them back, while everyone on the other thread says "ooh that's a bit off deciding what you can do with clothes you've been given, how cheeky of the recipient!".

pictish · 27/10/2016 10:25

Yadnu - I wouldn't accept anything that someone wanted back. No way. There's no guarantee it won't get stained, ripped, chucked out by accident, lost...whatever....and then what? You feel obliged to buy replacements which defeats the whole purpose in the first place.

Nah...in my opinion, people who 'lend' baby and kids' clothes are a bit weird. Either give them or keep them. Don't hand them over then expect to get them back.

hmcAsWas · 27/10/2016 10:33

Yanbu - I hate half arsed generosity...either give the baby clothes to a friend no strings attached or don't bother. Enough of this loan nonsense.

Hermano · 27/10/2016 10:49

I've borrowed fairly pricey items off friends (clothes, plus baby hammock worth £150), also lent some mid-price things including a breast pump (worth £90ish)

I was always very clear with my friends that it was a loan, I / they would like it back, but if something happens then it's no big deal and no-one needs to buy anyone replacements etc.

Surely if you're good friends with someone you can just have a nice short conversation like this and agree on the 'rules' of the lend without it being a big deal. If it is something super precious to them surely they wouldn't want to lend it anyway?

I think many many threads on MN could easily be answered by 2 friends just having a 45 second conversation where they each say what they mean. That's what I always try and do

malvinandhobbes · 27/10/2016 10:52

I have said no to this too, because I could never remember where everything came from.

ThePinkOcelot · 27/10/2016 11:02

I wouldn't have wanted to borrow baby clothes either. Is this something new, as wasn't a thing when mine were little.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 27/10/2016 11:10

Say that you'd love to accept them but can only accept loans where the clothes have been clearly name labelled so that you can return them to the right person. That will end it fast :)

LivingOnTheDancefloor · 27/10/2016 11:55

I will go against the grain on this one.
I am using borrowed clothes for DD since she was born (2.5 now). Maybe not as high end as you though... I also lend a lot of clothes.
The rule for me and my friends is that the borrower should take precautions to avoid damaging the clothes (for ex not feed a baby tomato sauce while wearing a light colored top, using cover ups for arts and crafts...) but we accept not everything can be controlled (like poo stains).
If I want my children to eat/do something messy, I usually put a cheap top on top of what they are wearing (even if it is not something I borrowed), but I am ready to accept that this is just me being a bit precious...

A simple system to identify who the clothes belong to is to lay them down all together, with the name of the lender on a piece of paper and take a picture.

mummytime · 27/10/2016 12:06

I wouldn't have borrowed either.
DC1 was very vomitty and some stains never came out.

I have lent a Moses basket and a pushchair cover. But they're not hard to find again and less likely to get damaged (the push chair cover was never returned which was annoying as it was high end and I'd have liked to have passed it on within the family).

minipie · 27/10/2016 12:10

My friends and I do occasionally "lend" baby clothes but it's with the agreement that the person "borrowing" them is not to take any special precautions with them whatsoever. If they survive, great, we'll take them back if we need them. If they don't, hey ho.

I was always very clear with my friends that it was a loan, I / they would like it back, but if something happens then it's no big deal and no-one needs to buy anyone replacements etc.

This exactly.

I have both lent and borrowed baby items, always on a "no special precautions" basis. Sometimes things come back to me a bit marked, sometimes my child marks a borrowed item. Never mind. Better to accept a few extra stains than everyone buying new the whole time, surely? That's just wasteful.

Whoami24601 · 27/10/2016 18:20

Oh I hate this! I accepted graciously, then stored them in a cupboard until an appropriate time so I could give them back! My friend and I have a 'swaps' system, but it's clearly understood that not everything will survive. I get back what I get back and that's fine. Sometimes she adds things that her babies have had, and sometimes I do. It works brilliantly actually (though her monster 6mo is ruining things by being nearly as big as my 18mo!)

KC225 · 27/10/2016 19:16

Do these people not feed their babies mashed bananas, strawberries or raspberries. Impossible to get out of baby clothes.

Give the clothes or don't give the clothes

CarShare · 27/10/2016 19:23

I have loaned baby clothes to friends and said I'll have them back if they survive poo/puke but no worries at all if not. I'd not accept a loan of clothes if each item were being counted back in on return.

Dinosaursgoboo · 27/10/2016 19:41

I don't lend or borrow. Life is too chaotic with 3 small ones, I'd have no chance...

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